Confession: Gone to hell in a handbasket

Up to Dec. 25, I had been almost perfect in my eating- taking vitamins, never snacking except on nuts, staying under 1000 calories, low carb, never one dessert, no sugar, not drinking 30 min. before I eat or 90 min. after. Dec. 25 came and I ate appetizers, cake, bread, butter- ate till I felt gross, waited for that food to go out of pouch and then shoveled more in. I learned that sugar doesn't bother me, I can't even make myself throw up. Even when I felt pain from overeatring, i would wait for it to stop and then start eating again. I did this for 7 days and went from 150 or so to 162. I had lost 143 lbs in 9 months and been a devoted, if not obsessed exerciser. I only exercised once Dec. 19-31. I think I have gotten back on track- yesterday was a good day and today should be. It is obvious to me that I still have my demons that make me eat compusively and despite all my work they are as strong as ever. I do have a tool to help me deal with them that I did not have before. I hated myself all week- very little tasted all that good- but i kept eating things I had missed. Now I want to be a bit less strict- but be in control. I bought a bag of Hershey sugar-free dark chocolate and have decided to have 1 bar a day for 34 calories. I have lost 1 of my 12 pounds and I hope 5 or 6 will come off pretty qucikly. i can feel my stomach sticking out further and my thighs right where they connect to my trunk seem to have widened. Couldn't it have gone to my boobs? I would appreciate all the support, advice, scolding, etc. I can get. I am frightened, but i think I can handle this. I know a good bit of the weight is water, but it is still weight. I felt so in control for so long, and then to spiral out of control so much is horrifying. Thanks for listening!

Hi Lucy; I feel your pain because I share the symptoms! I have not found much in the way of food that I can't eat either. There are times when I wish that I would get good and sick to help me control my "Urges"!! This surgery is a great tool, but unfortunately it does not disconnect the brain from the system!! You have already done some good things to remedy the problem. You have returned to eating properly to get back on track. You have also posted on this board. Not only is it good to share your problems, you will find that you are not alone. We all have similar problems and will try to help get one another over the hurdles. I have found that when I get myself in one of these carb/sugar cycles, I start to ignore the exercise and eat more as a result. The only answer I have found is to do what you have done and go back to the basics. A day or two of high protein and low carb intake along with exercise seems to break the cycle for me and I lose some of the cravings for the "BAD STUFF"!! You might also try to be a little less rigid once you get back on track. If you allow yourself a treat from time to time, you might avoid getting out of control a little better. What ever you do, don't beat yourself up over your failings. You are human and not perfect! You have done a great job so far... 143 pounds is a great success!!! Think about your success and don't dwell so much on one setback. Just pick yourself up and carry on. You're doing great and we are here to cheer you on! Mike

Read my last 3 post on here !! I know how you feel !!! I even had to go to the hospital ( nothing to do with the surgery, so the doctors said ) and I still want sugar !!! I go back to work on Tues and I hope I can get back on track !! We just have to support each other !! Judy

Hi there, I had my surgery on 3/22/2004. I started out at 255, and I now weigh 130. I have lost 125 pounds, and I am in a size 4. I am really happy about all of that. I too, did shovel a bunch of bites of crap in my mouth over Christmas. I gained a couple of pounds. I have already gotten them off, and I am back on track. Don't beat yourself up with black-and-white thinking. You aren't forever screwed. You made a bad choice, just like me, that's all. Forgive yourself your Holiday binge, and get back on your journey. You'll prepare with a couple of good sugar free derssert recipes, and sugar-free candies next year, and be on top of it. Best of luck! Gabriella

Isn't it a pity that it is so much easier to get off track than to get back on?? Lucy, you sound like a very disciplined person who just took a 12 day vacation from all discipline. OK--so now you start back on the track that made you so successful in the first place. Don't forget to get back to exercising as well as eating right. I think all of us are having to correct our course right now. Actually, the world of "normal" people seem to have the same problem! We can do this! Joy

Thank you all for your encouragement. I am learning some humility- I was too proud, felt I was not like all these other folks who were struggling- i thought I had all the answers and would be forever in control. I now believe that control can go in an instant and I have to take it one day at a time. I am a food addict, compulsive eater and will always be. But I can manage it with good nutrition, drinking liquids, taking vitamins, and exercise. I am going to my trainer tomorrow, which will help a lot. I might seek a consult with the psychologist who initially evaluated me. I keep telling myself that nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.

Yep. We are all one binge away from loss of control! But your tool is still there, and you can still choose. I have come to believe that perfectionism is the greatest enemy of all because it pushes us to the extreme of failure on the first minor infraction of our self-imposed rules. (Eating is only one example in my life!) Welcome to being human, Lucy! Joy

Oh my goodness.. I thought I was the only way. And the thing is I got really sick from all the junk but I waited for the hour to pass each time and was back at it again. This this is soo MENTAL and its so hard for me to get a grip. I'm so glad that you've gotten yourself together. I'm still trying to get back on the band wagon since Thanksgiving. I think the fact that I'm having trouble getting to goal ...makes me throw up my hands and say forget it. I'm glad that you've gained control and I'm sure you'll do just fine. Ms P 251/164.5...and holding for the longest /138

Hi Lucy, I am right there with you. Its so hard and our demons are still there unfortunately. Its really hard! I gained 2 pounds... well first I gained 7 then lost 5 so Im at 2 pounds. I havent lost anything substantial in almost 3 months!!! I now realize everything that I need to control. I am slowly making progress and boy oh boy is it hard! I am going back to the basics... drinking my protein drinks and sticking with soft foods and so far I dropped 1 pound! Try going back to the basics... Its SUPER hard the 1st day but I'm on day 2 and its a little easier. It will always be a struggle for us. I wish you tons of success. Hang in there! ((hugs)) Elizabeth M

Thank you all for your support. I am doing better, though I am sorely tempted. My goal is 140 and I had gotten down to 150. Then my insanity began and I ballooned to 162. Today I weighed 156.6, so it is getting better. I have been exercising for the past 4 days, met with the trainer yesterday, and have been eating right, drinking and taking my vitamins. I have added one pice (34 calories) of Hershey's sugarfree dark chocolate a day and I think this may stave off my cravings to some extent. But I am having cravings I had not experienced before and I might let myself eat a high carb meal- (pasta) once a week to handle my urges. But for today, I am doing pretty well.