IT ALL COMES DOWN TO WHAT'S IN YOUR HEAD!!!

OMG, I have been so ashamed of myself for the last several days, I have not even come to the board! I just checked in only to discover so many of us are going through exactly the same thing! I was thinking to do exactly what Judy suggested doing...posting everything I eat so that I am accountable to someone...so that I get it out of my head and out in the open. I just can't seem to stop the cycle of beating myself up so terribly when I get off program even the slightest little bit! This is what's killing my progress more than anything! Well, I'm glad to be back and, boy, do I feel like I NEED YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH! I'm going back to just catching up and when I feel I might have something to share that may be of use to any one of you, I'll check back in! WE CAN DO THIS!!! Maureen

Hi Reenie! I read your post and it reminds me so much of how I used to deal with the emotional issues as they relate to my eating. I have been seeing a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and here is what I have learned that may help you and others, too. First of all, being a perfectionist is typical of those of us who became morbidly obese. We think that we have to be perfect all the time in everything we do or we are failures. Since no one on God's earth can be perfect, we are, therefore, in our minds, always failures. So we eat to sooth the pain of rejection and then get depressed over not being able to be perfect and giving in to our emotions. And the cycle begins again. We vow to be perfect again, fail again, and eat, yet again. Sound familiar? The way to break the cycle is to accept ourselves somewhere in the middle. First realize that you are a worthy person who deserves to be treated with respect. Think of your body as your child that you are responsible for it's well-being. Would you harm your child? Then don't harm your body, either. We give our children things sometimes that they shouldn't have on special occassions and you can give your body things that are, perhaps, not the best choices either once in a while. It is a healthy way to live. Allow yourself to be somewhere in between perfect and total failure. When you see a cookie that looks REALLY good (only the best), and you would like a bite or two, eat it, and move on. When you think of binging and eating the whole box, remember your body and your responsibility to take care of it. Walk away, be proud that your only ate one and REALLY enjoyed it, and continue your plan of nourishing your body to the best of your ability. You will be so proud of yourself! Remember, perfectionism is poison. Realism is success. I wish you success and the courage to love yourself and the wonderful body you have been given. Happy New Year! Karen

Well, Reenie, you are definitely not alone! Today I am celebrating-- I made it through the whole day yesterday with out self-inflicted dumping! Is that pitiful, or what? Oh, well, at least it is a start. Today will make day #2! I am headed for my 1 year bloodwork today. (I have reached my out of pocket max for the year, so it is free this week!) I hope it does not tattle on me! Do something nice for yourself! Joy 1 day dump free!

I find that the longer I think about "not eating," the more I eat. I'm trying to unhook from that over time by planning a lot of new things to do and *doing them.* I can live very happily in my head, just reading and sitting around to relax. This is partly because I can do some great things out of my head in my work and partly because I developed a pattern of hiding when I was fat. (Wow, past tense, how weird.) This pattern is, I know, my biggest enemy because it leads to a lot of bad feeling which leads to a lot of you-know-what. Yes. Eating. We have to remember to use our new opportunities and ask ourselves if we have changed our lifestyles enough. For me, I had to change everything. But then maybe that's part of that perfectionism I saw in another reply. (And boy was that a good reply.) I had to set up my house, my work, and my family completely differently to support this change. It exhausts me just thinking about everything I've changed in the last six months. So I guess I will try to DO it not think about it. Still working on the family part. When Mom changes, it's hard. In any case, I'm moving on my exercise plan, something put off for far too long. Today. I'm going to bear down on drinking the water and getting the right feeling of fullness from it 1 hr. before I eat. I think I can do those 2 things successfully today. I've returned, too, at this time. Interesting how many of us have suddenly popped up. And believe me when I say we've all come back because we've eaten something we shouldn't. Not a coincidence, just the normal stage where we are, I think. Gano

(((Maureen))) I think the thing is that many of us have discovered some emotional and physical triggers over the holidays and that is scary. I think also many of us have found out that we *can* gain weight. Although we all realize this before we have the surgery (I mean, we all know of people who have gained all their weight back, right?), it doesn't hit home until we go up a couple pounds because we haven't been following the rules. Honestly, I think these are things most of us will have to go through - it's a process that has to happen. We all knew the honeymoon was coming to an end, now it's time to face the music. The reality ha**** and now it's time for us to pony up to the table and give our all. Not easy, but *easier* than it was before we got our tools! Dina

Reenie, I'm an angel for someone who is having surgery on January 19th. I STRONGLY advised her to join the January board so she can go through the process with others just like we do. It has been so important to know that there are others going through the same thing and that we have a safe place to go and vent/rant/cheer/brag/gloat/cry/whine/console. There is a woman in my Dr's support group who is a rule follower. Nothing wrong with this, she is just the kind of person who does not break rules and follows things to the letter of the law. I'm the opposite. Give me a rule and I'll feel taunted until I find a way to get around it. The funny thing that I realized is that we both have the same emotions and anxieties. Even though we are going about living with this tool in completely different ways, we are feeling the same things. I guess my point is that we just have to keep trying until we find what works. We'll all be different and do things our own way, but we'll be fine as long as we keep trying. I'm glad that you're back. I missed you. We need to hang in here together. Hugs, Connie

Oh, the wisdom of this group never ceases to amaze me. Thanks everyone for your great responses. You're the best. Maureen