Happy Holidays You Big Bunch of Losers!
Here I go again... Warning, sappy rambling ahead.
Every year as the year closes out, I reflect back on what I've accomplished in the last 365 days and what lies in the future. Every single year since I was 13, no matter what else I had accomplished, I've felt like a failure because I never managed to lose the excess weight. This is the first year that I've looked back and not said "I shoulda."
Last night I drove down to Tucson to for an annual event with my oldest and dearest friends. 20 years ago, we started a tradition that we get together with our spouses for dinner, a gift exchange and then we walk for miles through a brightly lit neighborhood to look at the lights. Last year I broke tradition for the first time and didn't go. My spouse has been gone for a long time, so for many years I've been the fifth wheel. I was huge and just didn't want the emotional and physical pain of trying to walk by myself while the others were holding hands. I felt huge and alone. This year was a whole 'nother Oprah. When we got together for dinner, I was the only one who didn't have to unbutton the top button of my jeans at the end. I was a ball of energy and had to keep slowing down for the others. I was freezing because I was missing about 40 layers of fat to keep me warm while the others were peeling off scarves and hats because they were too warm. I took the opportunity to do a little flirting with the cops who patrol this neighborhood this time of year. I had so much energy that after I drove the 125 miles back to home, I was shopping in Wally World at 2:00 am. As much as I love my oldest and dearest friends and as much as they love me, they will never understand the way I feel these days.
I'm sitting here this morning, reflecting on how far we've all come in 9 short months. We lost two members, that I know of, in the beginning. This is going to be a tough Christmas for their families and I'm praying for them. I'm also praying for Momma Angel's family. I'm so glad that I have the rest of you to remind me that I'm not alone on this journey. To go bald with me, dump with me, make bad food choices with me, worry aout our pouch sizes together and finally to rejoice in a job well done. It hasn't been an easy road, but it's been so much better because of the company I've found here.
Have a joyous holiday and peace and love to you all.
Connie
Hi Connie;
I, for one, don't view your "ramblings" as sappy!! your posts are always funny, thought- provoking, intelligent, and honest. They also always seem to hit the bullseye of whatever issue you are "rambling" about. I'm sure that I speak for all of us when I say that you are a treasure to have contributing to this wonderful community. Thank you and Happiest of Holidays!
Mike
Everything you just said is SO TRUE! Ramblings? I think not....I appreciate what you are saying here. We are all in this together and learn so much from each other. We are ALL doing a great job. I'm grateful that you are all here and share your lives...the more we share the better it is for all of us. Thanks, Connie, for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Happy and, most of all HEALTHY holiday to all!
What a wonderful message. I've come back to the board this morning to renew my inspiration and here it is. My own holidays were also, for the first time in years, truly filled with joy. Though, from time to time, food was something of an issue and I'm still working with those issues, it was *miniscule* compared to years past. (And so am I, I'm 20 lbs. under my surgical goal weight, i.e., very close to ideal.) It's amazing to experience the holidays liking how you look, able to participate fully and wear some great clothes, and with energy to do some of the fun things out there as opposed to sit home with all the cookies.
Right before the holidays I had a business meeting at Disneyland (yes, yes, I know, pretty funny place for one, huh). One of my big fantasies before surgery was being able to run around the park and truly enjoy myself instead of having to think about the next place I could sit down. And it was just as I hoped it would be. It was a good thing because the meeting involved charging all over the park looking at visual reference. A year ago that would have put me in bed for three days just to recover. Instead, it was so great I took some time before I flew home and went back the next day by myself as a tourist and just enjoyed all the Christmas decorations and walking wherever I wanted as long as I wanted.
I have to pinch myself sometimes and I think it's so important that we keep fulfilling those fantasies and trying new things and remembering to inhabit this new life we've made for ourselves. I don't think the wonderment of it will ever go away and it's wonderful to share it with others who are experiencing the same things.
Happy New Year,
Gano
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