Why am I afraid?

I noticed the other day that when I stepped on the scale and it said 184, I got scared? I thought about it a while and tried to make myself understand why I could possibly fear losing weight. I have been heavy for so long, and when people say they hardly recognize me I think I start to fear that I won't recognize me either. Will I be differnet with more confidence? I feel like I am a sincere, helpful person who doesn't dote on myself but will that be the same once the attention starts? Is the attention what I fear? I know I sound silly but I fear not being who I liked myself to be when I weighed 268 lbs. Will my looks and what people think of me be all consuming?? I don't feel like I will change for the worse but I also don't "know" since I haven't been normal or thin in over 12 years. I mean size wise, people actually use that word when describing me now- You look like a normal woman now, what the ....does that mean? I know I am rambling now but my question to you is, does anyone else fear losing themseves the way they were (emotionally) in this process? It could be simple fear of the unknown or mourning of the loss of being protected by the fat. It is ironic that no one noticed me at 268- I was fat and invisible at the same time, a hard feat to pull off but now I am normal with no super powers of fending off whatever it is I used the fat to protect myself from. Regardless of the fear or the reason, I will never regret my decision. I am not alone, not with a supportive family and great people like you to hold my hand along the way- Thanks!

Hi Dawn; You pose a very interesting question. I have been anywhere from Obese to Morbid Obese for most of my adult life and some of my childhood. I don't see how this weight loss wouldn't effect my self image in many ways. The old fat me was a part of my very being... it was who I was... so who am I now?? I'm certainly not qualified to discuss the deep psycological forces at work here, but there is no doubt in my mind that we strip away a layer of "Protection" with each layer of fat that goes. It's a little frightening, but at the same time rather exciting. I think that we need to re-learn a lot of basic social interaction skills because we have spent so much time hiding from life. One positive is that as a "NORMAL" person, people don't seem to pre-judge me as much. I don't always feel like I'm entering a social situation with 2 strikes against me! Isn't it strange that to be called "NORMAL" is such a nice compliment to receive??!! Now I'm starting to ramble.... Back to your question... I don't fear losing myself, but I always want to remember where I came from so that I don't get "above myself "!! Thanks for an interesting post and enjoy this new "adventure"!! Mike

ahhh what a question! I am not afraid of loosing myself, I am almost afraid of "finding" myself under all that fat and "stuff" was I think me. But the closer I get t ogoal the more I see myself working against it. I am afraid that I am going to turn around and not recognize me in anyway, I rarely recognize myself in the mirror and I am afraid that when all this is done I won't recognize my "insides" either. Case in point, I teach and school photos came in and I was seraching thru the stack for my class, and didn't recognize myself AT ALL, in fact I told the secretary my class wasn't in there. (she is new and didn't know about my surgery)SHe NOW thinks I am crazy cause she handed me my photos and said here ya go...I took them and burst into tears and left the office!@@ I did go back and explain and she is really cool about it but it was scary to me. rambling on so I will stop and read with interest the replies. Nic 291/174/145

Dawn, Boy have I given this a ton of thought. I started gaining weight after an older relative started molesting me as an adolescent. It was a barrier, a protective layer and it worked. As weight comes off and men start to notice me, I find myself not welcoming the attention. It makes me very uncomfortable. I was at the store this afternoon and two bottles of wine were part of the purchase. The young man who was my cashier looked at me and gave me the old up and down. He smiled at me and said, "I was just wondering if I should card you or not. Mind you I'm 44. I know he was just being nice, but I looked him in the eye and said, "I'm old enough to be your mother." Poor guy, he just looked at me and stammered, "Well, you look really good." I should have been gracious enough to just thank him for the compliment in the first place and let it go, but the attention raised my internal alarms. I don't think I'm afraid of losing me, I'm afraid of finding me. Who knows what's been hiding under here all these years. Connie

thanx for bringing up such a challenging topic.... i too have had a time of fear along the way and had to do some thinking. i even knew i might face this, due to having been attacked as a young lady and then putting on a ton of weight for protection---[like connie has posted too.] well, i did have some psych. counseling before surgery but found i had to work on it some more. i did do some praying asking god for help and basically it boiled down to this for me--- while i had tried to limit others interest in me by insulating with fat---i had also limited my own choices in life with that extra weight. also i got some revelation that in being obese--i was still vunerable and had less ability to protect myself... so by chosing to keep losing and allowing more doors to open up for myself--i also know that being physically healthy and in shape-will help me to protect myself if need be, and by turning to god as a source of power, wisdom and help --it places more of the "controlling" in his hands, and frees me up to relax and trust that i will make pretty decent choices and that life just has those risks. --i am now more willing to face that in order to have the larger plate of choices that i had cut myself off from. for example,-- its true --men and women look at me differently now---and i am learning new rules and behaviour for myself. i cant just freely check out guys now---they return my looks....i get approached and invited.... i have choices, and i often just have to pick my mouth up off the floor i am so stunned...lol. best wishes, -lc