Nine on the Ninth
Today is my nine month anniversary. I've been looking forward to this day for some reason. It just seems like a milestone.
I've groused and groused about my almost non-existent weight loss for the last couple of months, but today I realized that I've lost a size or two in the last couple of months. I was at Sam's Club tonight and picked up an XL sweater and a large pair of work out pants. Both are too big and will have to go back. That seems so strange. I realized today that in October I was squeezed into size 16s. My 14s are loose on me now.
There's a guy at work who is a food nazi. He counts every calorie, knows the carb and fat count for every food imaginable and wouldn't even eat a piece of his own birthday cake. HE told me that I was getting too thin and needed to start eating more.
I was leading an all day meeting of about 20 people today. Last year at this time, I would have been sitting in a chair the whole time. Today I was up and around the room, writing on the board, passing out papers, moving the whole day. When we broke for lunch, I suggested a place down the street to eat. A group of us took off and I had to keep slowing down for the rest of the pack. I felt bad because I told them it was just a couple of blocks. It was closer to a mile. After work I was running around shopping with tons of energy and am still going. I've put away all the groceries, cleaned part of the garage, watered the plants, fed the animals, swept the floor and played with the dog.
I can't wait to see what the next nine months have in store for us.
Hugs,
Connie
THAT'S my Happy Girl! Connie, you really hit it right on the head. It all comes down to how we are FEELING, doesn't it? Yes, I want to reach my goal of 150 lbs but am I going to reject this new opportunity to live a happy, joyful life if I don't get there? Or worse, am I going to put living a happy, joyful life on hold until I get there? NO, NO, NO! I am SO THANKFUL for the ability to move without pain! I am so THANKFUL for being able to sleep through the night without waking myself up 100 times choking for air (sleep apnea) -- I am so thankful to be off ALL blood pressure and diabetes medications! And I simply cannot get over the fact that I AM CONTROLING WHAT I EAT, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! Food used to be a raging voice in my head, screaming at me to eat, eat, eat, hurt myself with foods, all kinds of foods, the taste of which was a temporary "high" but mostly served to keep me DOWN, keep me from LIVING and ENJOYING life. That voice is GONE! I banished it and I will not allow it to move back into my head. Ever. I can live with the saggy skin and the wrinkled face, as long as I can ride my horse (haven't done that yet but it's right around the corner!!!) I can live with the fact that I will never be beautiful despite losing over 150 lbs. as long as I can walk, jog, ride a bike with my son, enjoy my husband's body without a mountain of belly between us. I can LIVE. I was dead before. Dead, a walking zombie. Remember what we used to say just before our surgery, folks? We wanted to get "on the other side" -- well, we're there. We're on the other side. Let's celebrate!! Let's stop obssessing about the numbers and let's turn our attention and our energy to this wonderful new life we're able to live. God bless you all and my love to all of you. Maureen
Woman are you insane???? You are beautiful - inside and out. I look at your picture and see such kind and beautiful eyes. I read your posts and see your beautiful, caring, loving heart. Thanks for being our voice of reason, our sounding board and our cheerleader. And thanks for bringing us Mike, he's a gem!
I can't wait to hear about your first ride. I haven't been on horseback in a million years since I worked on ranches in California (although I usually am on my own high horse), but I'm going to experience the exhileration with you vicariously. Ride tall.
Love,
Connie
Gosh, Wendy, I'm blushing! I didn't say what I said for any other reason other than I think initially I went into this surgery thinking that if I lost all my weight I would, you know, finally be beautiful...I don't know how else to put this. Let's face it, we are force fed a media diet of images of women that tell us if you are thin, you are beautiful. I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider this when I began researching and finally made the decision to do this. Anyway, beauty is simply about how we feel about ourselves...and how we feel about each other, people, the brotherhood of man. I have spent years, most of my life, drowning in negative feelings and energy, any negative emotion you can think of was my shroud. I thought being normal weighted would suddenly flip all that around for me. Well, not that I'm normal weighted yet, but what I've realized, what I get now, is we are the only ones in charge of who we are and what we feel and how we treat ourselves and how we treat others! No one else can dictate that for us. So that truth is my beauty now and I'm happy about that. I wake up every morning thinking to be good to myself and the rest of the world. That's all there is to it. And, Wendy, you are innately kind and very sweet and funny. Don't keep yourself away from us, we need you! Maureen
Hi Connie;
I'm so glad that you wrote this post. It reminded me that despite my long plateau, I have shrunk my clothing size and ...yes... I now seem to be at the front of the pack instead of lagging behind when I walk with others. I even seem to be wearing out my over-energized dog these days. I FEEL GREAT and am trying very hard to ignore the slow-motion scale and revel in the "NEW ME"!!! You seem to have a way of cutting through the BS and putting things back in focus for me. Thank You and congratulations on your progress.
Mike
I'm so happy for you! You are such an inspiration to me. You just keep so upbeat and cheer us all on. I wish I could see you so I could give you a big hug!
Congrats on your success. Mine is still slow, but I'm not discouraged anymore. It'll come off in time - slower that those who have had more drastic surgery, but VBG was my choice for very specific reasons, so I have to just keep reminding myself that it'll happen....eventually.
God bless you, sweetie! I love and adore you more than you know!!
-Wendy
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