I'm reaching out to my peers, please help me!

HIYA! scoot over on that bench! Y a can't hog it all! I am in exactly your same spot! I am doing small things to help myself! I am drinking a ton again! About the only thing I can't do is wait 2 hours to drink I can wait about an hour and that is about it. I am thirsty all the time! I thought I didn't dump...well today I found out I do! I was playing with the kids (spring break) and they were eating oreos, they looked good they smelled good and I ate one, then another and another...I think it was about 5-6 cookies I ate all total. About 1/2 hour later I said Idon't feel good, my heart was pounding, I felt like Iwanted t othrow up but couldn't, then I HAD to lay down, HAD to, slept off and on for 2 hours. Woke up feeling like such a FAILURE... I had done it again...spent an entire day of some vacation layin gon the couch while my kids played or worse sat and watched TV all afternoon. I got up got a glass of lemonade and sat down and decided OK...I SCREWED UP! Called the kids over and said mommy got sick because I ate too much junk food, I am sorry I had to nap. We will go ride our bikes in a few minutes. I decided THEN to change it and move on, the kids didn't notice, they didn't think anything of it. I WAS the one beating myself up I was the one using my head against myself. I can't allow myself that kind of attitude. I have since drank my 64 ounces of water and then some, ate a well balanced meal with good carbs and vveggies and protein and played with the kids, rode bikes and a board game and I can tell myself that tomorrow is another day, a better day than today. My family is the pits with my weight, my sister is also a WLS success! She is of course better than me but she is a bit obssessed with exercise and food and her weight and she is held up to me as the "SUPER MODEL OF WLS SUCCESS"! whatever...@@ love the SCREW THEM philosophy they can't be in my head...me and my own voice are crowded enough thank you! hang in there baby! you can do it you already have this living with life sucks at times but it is good ya know? hang around and post alot I read tons and post off and on! hope some of my rambling make you feel better you are not alone! hugs nic

Nic, I just read your post and once again, you made me cry. I love the jubiliant way you describe your life with your children. They are so lucky to have you. Listen, sweetheart, you don't need to answer to anyone but yourself because in the end, when we're all called to our Maker, we make that journey all by ourselves. I want to look back on my life in that moment and have absolutely no regrets. So, no matter the ****s I encounter (and there's plenty of 'em out there), no matter the hardships I endure, I strive every day to forgive, be humble, be grateful, live passionately and truthfully, and be loving and compassionate to every living breathing thing - even the ****s. Especially the babies and the kids who are in terrible, horrible cir****tances. For me, as long as I can direct my energy in this manner, I stay away from food - for the most part - not always successful, but this is MY tool, more so than my pouch. You are an inspiration. No matter how often you fall, you bounce right back up. Be well, sweetie. And wrap your arms around those babies of yours and love 'em with all your worth - and that's a ton. Love, M.

Christi, checking in...how are you doing, how are you feeling?

Sorry it took so long to answer. My computer has been acting up and I went out of town for a few days too. I'm doing allright. Thank you for asking. That means a lot to me. I hope you are well yourself. Some days are good, some days are bad. My weight seems to be a yo-yo. I get it down, then it bounces back up. I keep saying I'll just try harder and it will go down eventually" The weekend before Easter I had gotten down to 184 again, I was so excited and proud, and I actually put on a smaller size clothes at the store. (I had some size 10 pants and a skirt on, just didn't look real nice on me. But all I cared about was that they were buttoned and zipped!) But now I'm back to 188 again. I am able to be good for a few days, then some stress comes up and I eat bad stuff. I don't cope well with stress that's for sure! My life is kinda wacky although I know I'm not any different than anyone else. We all have difficulties we must deal with. I was on a roll for a little while, not eating as much, and actually was feeling really good. But I soothe myself with food even though I know I'm not allowed that crutch anymore! I'll just keep trying. Each day is a new day to try again, start over, do better.

Christi, are you seeing a therapist? You are experiencing some real difficulties and spending entirely too much time blaming yourself, feeling shameful and defeated. You cannot possibly treat yourself well and get to a place of health when you are experiencing your life this way. I cannot stress enough the power of working through your issues with a competent, knowledgeable therapist. The time is now to stop blaming yourself - would you beat yourself up and consider it your "fault" if you had some other debilitating, life threatening disease? Of course not. This is no different. There are reasons for your behavior, many or all of which are not of your own doing. Get the relief you need but doing the very hard work toward discovery of what's driving you--internally--to think and behave the way you are; only then can you turn in a different direction - toward peace, self-acceptance, and health. My very best to you - M.