WORST FAT MEMORY

I don't know why but I've been running these old home movies through my head lately; you know, replaying those moments that were the most hurtful, painful moments because of my weight. Connie's post has fueled the need for me to share -- will you join me? Share one "fat" incident that is branded in your brain -- let's see what we come up with...Connie's story reminds me of the time I was trying to park my car in a very busy lot, grocery shopping, think it was a Big Y. I was about to pull into a space when this woman came barreling down the lane, which was one-way -- and she was going in the wrong direction. Of course, she took the space. I did what Connie did -- followed her to the store and told her I was waiting to park in that space ... she turned around and said, "Shut up you fat bi_ _ _ -- you take up too much space already, you pig." I couldn't believe my ears. I was filled with such rage I saw myself in my mind hurling myself at her 120 lb. body and slamming her up against the wall and strangling her until her face turned blue and she stopped breathing...that's what flashed through my mind in the 3 seconds it took me to recover. Never did my shopping. Went back to my car and drove home, glad my kids weren't with me -- that time.... any takers? Maureen

Here's mine: Sitting in my brother's car while he ran into a convenience store to get some cigarettes, I was sitting on the passenger side waiting for him. There was a man at the phone booth in front of the car and he looked at me and started screaming at the TOP of his lungs "Look at the fat F-ing pig! Look at her! She's f-ing huge! Look at her - that fat f-ing pig! PIG!! FAT F-ING PIG! FAT F-ING PIG!" Over and over and over again. I was physically afraid for my safety at that point. He shut up before my brother got back and I didn't tell my brother until we were 1/2 mile down the road because I knew he'd kill him. He would have. He turned back around to find him but the guy was gone by the time we got back there. Thank God. My brother had a gun. Dina

I carry this memory and it tears me up to think about it. I am in Israel. My husband came a few months before me and he became acquainted with some thin women before I got here. They arranged, along with thier families to go on vacation to Egypt together shortly after I arrived. One of the women was single and seemed to have a "thing" for my husband. She walked around in her bikini all day talking about how fat she was, needless to say, there wasn't an ounce of fat on her( I on the other hand was a size 26). Well, one night at dinner, the waiter (who was arab) came up to the table where me, my husband and all 7 other adults I hardly new were and he said to me: You are beautiful like an egyptian woman, I said thank you. He proceeded to go on and say you are beautiful but you should only eat once a day because you are to big. It makes you less beautiful. I again thanked him for the compliment and told him I was happy the way I was and beautiful enough- this event seemed to be more embarrassing to my husband the even to me because he said nothing in my defense, I had to blow it off in front of all these people myself (inside I was mortified). One of the husbands went off telling the waiter that that was rude, in america we would never insult someone like that, he wanted to speak to the manager, he kept telling me he was sorry ( I wanted to run away and hide and pretend it never happened) I had to keep from crying and pretending like it didn't bother in front of all these strangers. The next morning we went to breakfast and I had what I can only call a mini breakdwon, I ran out resturant crying so hard I almost threw-up. It was a bad time in my life and I pray to God nothing like that ever happens again! The moment I made the decision to change my life for the better was when my angel of a son got in his first fight with a kid because the kid called me fat- he should never have had to defend my weaknesses but I am glad to know he would defende my honor. I love both my boys and they love me!

I have 2 memories that have been branded into my psyche and will probably never go away...unless a lobotomy is an option. The first one is a memory of my mother driving me home from a church youth event. We lived about 45 minutes from the church, so this was always our time to "chat". We got onto the subject of boys, homecoming dances, football games, dating, prom, etc. My mom told me that if I didn't lose weight, I'd never have a chance to go out on dates, let alone my own prom. I couldn't believe my mother would say such a thing. Now, deep down I know it wasn't mean-spirited, but that took a serious toll on my self-esteem. The ironic thing is, I always had a boyfriend through high school (and even junior high). My boyfriends were good (if not great) looking and treated me wonderfully and thought I was beautiful. I was never promiscuous to "prove" my beauty. I in fact, went to 3 proms - my own senior prom and 2 other proms with 2 different guys over a 3-year period. It's just that I thought if my mom couldn't see the good in me despite the weight, who else would get past that?? It still hurts. The funny thing is that my mom probably wouldn't recall the conversation at all - I don't even think she knew at the time what she said and how it would affect me for the rest of my life. It has, however, made me especially careful with my own daughter who, at almost 9 years old, weighs over 100 lbs. I will always try to build up her confidence - not tear it down. The other awful "fat" memory is of my high school girlfriends and I going out on a Friday night cruising the drag. We stopped at a 7-11 to stock up on cigs and Tickle Pink (ahhhh - the good old days when screw top wine was the beverage of choice!). I stayed in the car with another friend of mine while my other 2 girlfriends ran in the store. While my friend and I were sitting in the car (windows rolled down, radio blasting some Journey song, I'm sure!), these 3 guys came out of the store and threw shelled peanuts at us while making elephant noises and simulating a trunk with their arms. It took my friend and I a couple of seconds to realize that we were being made fun of. They threw peanuts at us - I mean, how humiliating. I didn't have a witty comeback. I was shocked. At the time, I blew it off because I didn't want to make a big deal about it, but I still, to this day, cannot believe how mean people can be. OK - now that I've hashed all that out, I think I'll go pop a Xanax! Actually, this is pretty therapeutic. I've never told anyone these stories before. Only you, my WLS friends! Hugs! -Wendy

I have a different sort of story. Sort of. I am one of many big girls in my family (I'm the only 'small' one now) which, unfortunately, includes my daughter who is 15. My most hurtful memory happened just this last Friday. Sunday was my sisters birthday so I took my two daughters shopping for presents. (One daughter a size 2 at 13 and the other a 26/28 @ 15) We did fine in the store. The problem came upon exiting. There were some guys there selling something, you know the keep-a-kid-outta-trouble type thing. When we went out it was the little one first, they made no mention of her, then me, still no mention. Then came the bigger one, they made motions and noises and just generally were rude and disrespectful and it was directly because of her weight. There are two bad parts to this and I'm not sure which is worse. The first being my immediate reaction. I DID NOTHING! I did nothing because I thought if I got in their face over it it would embarrass her more. I thought if she wanted me to go to bat for her that she would have let me know. How much does that suck? I couldn't or didn't help her! Now here's the other part. I FELT RELIEF!! I am scum but I felt relief because AT LEAST IT WASN'T ME THEY WERE MAKING FUN OF! Am I not the scum of all parents?? This was the worst memory for me, funny how it takes precidence over all the other ones from when I was the fat one, huh? I guess it just goes to show you that kids really do make the world go 'round, huh? I talked with her later, by the way, when she brought it up to me. She told me that I did the right thing as far as she was concerned. She said it would have went on longer and gotten worse if I had said anything. Still, that didn't make me feel better. I let my baby down!

(((Gayle))) I cannot imagine being in your shoes on that.

I guess my worst memories are not of strangers in public calling me fat. I've come to accept that as a given considering the mouth I've got. My first memory of someone commenting on my weight was when I was about 14. I weighed all of about 140 pounds and my mother and I ran into an old "friend" of my parents' out in public. He said to me, "Wow, you've gotten fat." I said to him, "Wow, you've gotten rude." The thing that really hit home happened a couple of years ago and was the thing that really pushed me over the edge on my wls decision. A friend and I were in Aruba and decided to go diving. When you dive, unless you're pretty buff, you get a weight belt and the dive master loads your belt with the amount of weight he thinks it will take to help you sink. Well, he took one look at me and started loading up the weight. I could barely walk, but that wasn't the worst part. When I got into the water, I still wouldn't sink. My big old bubble butt was still floating up on the surface. My friend was trying to push me down into the water. Sheesh. To make matters worse, the dive master came back and loaded every last weight he had in my belt and I finally sank, but I sank too fast and blew an ear drum. I finally gave up and came out of the water. I could barely haul myself up out of the water. When the assistant came to help me with the belt, it was so heavy that he couldn't lift it and dropped it. No one was mean about it and everyone was as helpful as they could be, but I was mortified. I swore that would be my last fat vacation. Connie

My story was really an eye opener to me really thinking I was fat. I mean I knew it in the back of my mind, but I have always been really confident and ALWAYS had guys trying to talk to me and flirt with me so the weight was never really an issue. It was 2 years ago and I was in the 7-11 talking to Miguel the cashier and these drunk guys came in and were just being total a-holes so me being up front like I am I said "why dont you guys just leave, you're being jerks" and one of the guys turned around and started laughing and said "why dont you shut your mouth you fat cow!!!" and then him and his friends started making mooing noises! I was in total shock, because I never considered myself fat cow material and that hurt me more than ever! but me being me I came back with "Yeah and this fat cow will sit on your ass and crush the last breath outta you, wanna see me do it" and I was in his face too, so they left LMAO!!! I'm like Connie my mouth is gonna get me in big trouble one of these days LOL ~Nicole

I have 3 that are equally bad and I cant pick a "WORST". In junior high when I would get off the bus all the high school kids in the back would roll down their windows and yell good bye fat cow - mooooo!! this went on day after day. I wanted to drop out of school or die. My second one was 3 years ago - I saw a couple of 5 year old twin boys and said you two are so adorable!! They said you are a fat lady and should join the circuis!! And their mom didnt scold them she laughed and said oh you two are so funny! I think the moms reaction bothered me more then what the kids said. And my final memory is last year - at wal-mart I was riding in a cart because I couldnt be on my feet that long without getting winded. We came to an aisle where someone was standing in the middle talking, and my son said "SKUSE US - FAT LADY COMING THROUGH!!!" I was mortified!! that was the final straw that got me into surgery. -Sherrie