What Is Going On????

Ok fellow Marchers, I am wondering if its just me who is going out of my mind or if any of you guys are experiencing the same thing. I am eating like crazzzzzzy!!!! I hate myself when I do it, I even add more exercising, but I still have been doing it. Not over eating and throwing up, but snack here, snack there its insane. I feel like the head hunger is getting worse. Any advice out there would be greatly appreciated or just let me know if any of you are having the same problems and if you have beat this phase and that is all I hope it is, pleasssse tell me how. Rhen

Rhen, I wish I could believe this is a "phase." I am eating all sorts of things all the time. I think several things are happening for us, or at least for me. First of all, I CAN. After months of very careful eating for fear of being sick, getting something stuck and the resulting incredible pain, I can eat anything in almost any amount without any problem. So part of what I'm doing is pushing the envelope, testing, testing, testing and HOPING that I'm wrong. So far, I'm not. It's not even that I'm hungry, I just eat, without thinking about it or even making any sort of conscious decision to do so. Secondly, there is fear for me in living in this new body, even though I'm still just under 200 lbs. I'm not sure what the fear is about exactly, but it's there. And eating means saboutage for some reason, I don't feel safe or comfortable -- and I always felt safe when I was morbidly obese. Everyone left me alone! What's to fear with that??? Finally (or not), I hate the way I look -- how's that for gratitude??? My ass looks like a 20 year old sharpei and my thighs not much better. My face looks like its made of rubber and I look like I've aged 20 years. My hair is very thin and I think I look terrilbe. So, this is what's contributing to my eating, which is getting out of control. I don't expect this will help you -- I wish I could. Hang in there, kiddo. There's got to be a way out of this! Thanks for your great post. Maureen

Rhen, I've been giving this a whole lot of thought lately. I have no answers, but a lot of questions. I've always been the kind of person that has to test every rule and push every limit. My father and I used to go toe to toe through my teen years with him shouting, "Why do you have to be so stubborn? Why do you have to push every limit?" I find myself doing the same thing with this surgery. If I'm not supposed to drink with meals, I'm going to sip my way through and see how close I can get without going over the line. If I'm not supposed to eat sugar, I'll taste and taste until I figure how much pushes me over the edge and has me hurling. The other thing that occurs to me is that I'm afraid to find out what's under here. What if I lose all this weight and Prince Charming doesn't come riding up? Does that mean there's something wrong with me and the reason that I've never found Mr. Right is not just because I'm overweight? (Now logically I know that no man is going to make my life perfect and I'm a whole person as I am. I just tend to play my mother's tapes over and over in my head.) I've spent so much of my life focused on my weight being a major source of my woes. The weight goes away and what do I blame now? I don't have any answers, but I think with our little on line therapy sessions, we can support and help each other. Connie

OMG - Connie - I think you have been in my head. Everything you just touched on are the same exact things I do - push the limits, afraid that I won't have anything to blame unacceptance on if I lose weight, etc. I thought I was the only one that had these crazy thoughts (sorry!). I'm SO relieved to know I'm not!! Whew!! -Wendy

OMG I thought it was just me!!! I have been snacking myself silly!! It's not a lot and not what I used to do but I am constantly hungry!!! I am even saying to myself on the way to the kicthen "what the hell is wrong with me?" I woke up the other night 3 in the morning and got a bowl of cereal(it was a small bowl of rice chex with natural sugar) and OMG did I dump it and I mean bad where I was on my hands and knees wishing for death, but while I was eating the cereal I felt wonderful and kept eating it even though I felt a little funny and my stomach was groaning!! I havent lost a pound in about 2 months, I keep going up and down the same 2-3 pounds. I'm 138 pounds a size 6 and happy about it but I still want to lose 13 more pounds and I'm starting to feel fat again! Is that strange? I mean I'm constantly looking at people I ask people what size they are and if they are in a size 6 I say "why dont I look like that?" my thighs are fat, my stomach is wrinkled like jeans you never took out of the dryer and it's starting to depress me! My butt looks like someone scooped out the bottom half, uggh I could go on and on. I think its funny how most of us marchers are going through the same things at the same time and I'm glad that you are all here for me to share it with you!! ~Nicole

Thank you Rhen for reading my mind! It helps so much to know others are having the same issues. I am sitting here eating chocolate chips...just like I used to. I think part of the problem is the weight loss slow down. We are not getting the constant feedback (by losing pounds). I have not lost since September and find that a little depressing (probably due to my eating way to much!). So I will get up right now and throw away the chocolate chips......I'm back chips in trash.... and tomorrow I promise to be nicer to myself. Promise to be nicer to yourself too! Thanks for the posting...I feel better already. Donna

Wow! I guess all of us marchers pretty much are going through this new phase of our surgeries! Its nice to know that we aren't going through this alone. I guess month 8 is really the month that we start feeling like our old selves in that those bad habits start creeping back. I am snacking like mad too! I have been more consious of it this weekend because it has been going on for awhile and I KNOW that I have to stop now or else. Kick those bad OLD habits to the curb. Its so hard isn't it? I actually worked on doing some good things despite of the snacking. I used my protein powder today and drank a protein shake that I don't care for but did it because I knew that I needed to. I passed by a donught yesterday and MAN did I want that donught worse than I ever wanted a donught in my life!!! BUT I did it I denied the donught access to my already fat body!!! I think that we just have to start going backwards now in that we have to pick up our old weight loss surgery GOOD habits...getting in extra protein...getting in protein first when we are hungry. The head hunger is getting sooo hard to control! BUT I think we can do it! Together we can get through this nasty month 8!!! Hang in there everyone! ((((BIG HUGS))) Elizabeth M

Rhea - & everyone else, You are definitely voiceing what seems to be a common problem for a lot of us at this stage. I too feel like I want to eat all the time - esp. at night, which was my usual snacking time before. It got really bad about 3-4 weeks ago and I felt really out of control and it was driving me crazy!! Then I realized that even on my worst day now, I eat better and less than I did on my best day before the surgery. That helped me put things into perspective. That allowed me to let go of the recriminations and blame I was heaping on myself which was making everything worse. The things I'm doing now that are helping some are #1 I keep careful track of my calorie count - sometimes even write it all down - and work v. hard to not go over 1200 on any given day. If I really feel a need to eat, I have something to drink first and make myself wait after I drink. Then, if I still really want something, I'll have something and not get upset with myself. It seems to be that downward spiral of self-hate and guilt that keep us on that downward spiral toward self-destruction. Being gentle and forgiving with myself seems to help some. Anyway - that's what has worked for me somewhat - hope it helps someone else out there.

Now does anyone remember that when we started on this journey that we were warned this is going to happen? I remember it like it was yesterday: Along about 6 months you can eat more and more...with time it will seem like a lot. Part of it is our heads, part of it is physical capacity changing. And part of it is us getting lax. I think it's all of those things jumbled into one. It's good that we are being neurotic though....I think. I would rather be thinking about it than blowing it off. (I can do that pretty well too.) I seem to recall that the advice we got in the beginning was that this point is where the pouch rules really make the difference for us. I'm horrible a****er loading, I must say. Dina

Rhen; I have been "pushing the envelope" since the day I left the hospital like a little kid testing the "parental patience limit" although I have been on track for the most part. The grazing urge has really kicked into gear lately though. As a matter of fact, I planned to post a message on this subject myself!!!! To be totally honest, this whole thing terrifies me. After a lifetime of YO-YO dieting, the thought of gaining it all back this time is way too depressing. I know we were warned that this would happen after the 6 month mark, but it's still frightening. I appreciate the fact that people like you are around to share the problems with and lend moral support, but I could really use some solid pointers about what to do down where "The rubber (blubber?) meets the road......when you're looking the demon in the eye......when you're staring down the barrel of the pretzel jar and that baby's loaded"!!!! I just wish that I could have the glutton portion of my brain lobotomized. If anyone has any suggestions, you'd be doing a lot of us a favor. I'm sorry that I don't have the answer, Rhen, but you sure did touch a nerve with your post. Thanks............Mike