OH CANT THEY JUST PRETEND???

I tell you...I am blessed by God with loosing all this weight and I REALLY do appreciate the compliments that I get. But I tell you...I must have heard "oh you are getting so much thinner every time I see you" AND "Beth you are looking so good look at you!" AND "Are you wearing a shorter sweater?? Look Beth is wearing a shorter sweater let me see that...stand up..." AND "I tell you every time I see you you are smaller and smaller" AND "oh look at you keep up the good work girl!" I SWEAR that is how many I go this morning. I appreciate it and its very sweet of everyone but DARN!!! Its everday from like the same people almost. I just WISH that the people that see me everyday would just PRETEND that I was always this size for just one day. I am really starting to get a complex about this!!! Its getting to a point where I want to run and hide under a rock because it just remindes me of how HUGE I was and that everyone knew..(of course they knew) but man.. its very personal you know and it just is very hard hearing it THAT MUCH from the same people...its makes me think that about what they must have been thinking about me before. (although I am sure they were gasping everytime they saw how big I was) It is just becoming hard to smile with an enthusiastic smile and say thank you (which I do everytime) and the I also heard "OH MY IS THAT BETH??? I hardly recognize you!!!" I just said "yess...its just me!" 'sigh' anyone finding it hard to deal with all the compliments... Its like compliment overkill to a point that you are starting to feel very self consious! and its always in front of alot of people! 'sigh' I dont mean to sound ungrateful... I am very grateful I am just starting to feel embarrased about it now because I am getting it too much. and its like WOW SHE WAS SO FAT NOW LOOK HOW THIN SHE IS!!! is what it is starting to sound like to me. Elizabeth M

I know exactly how you feel! I go throught the same thing "Everyday". The nice thing about some of mine are the ones who have no idea I had the surgery, I feel like those are more genuine but they make comments everyday too. Sometimes I feel like they feel like they have to make a comment, I don't want them to feel that way. I told the ones who know that I would like to continue on from now on as if nothing had ever happened to me but they still make comments and always around a lot of people. I am a slow loser so it is believeable that I could have lost the weight on my own, no one even noticed until I dropped about 55 lbs, Now they ask me everyday if I have lost more weight!?!? So, yes, I do relate and look forward to a day when I am just Dawn, not Wow, Dawn have you lost more weight?

Wow I can relate. Now the tune has changed to "how much more are you going to loose?" "If you loose more you will be too thin" (as if I really knew myself.) "When will you have the TT?" It is getting difficult to know how to respond.

Well, let's put our collective heads together on this one. Elizabeth, this is a great post! I am going through much the same thing and I know these folks mean well, they are trying to cheer my on as it's obvious I have a bit more weight to lose, but I am starting to feel like I live in a fish bowl and everyone stops to stare and oooohh and aaawwwwe. I could be in the middle of some intense project and people just feel free to come into my office, interrupt what I'm doing to talk about my weight loss. I am at a loss as to what to do about it! I think my only recourse is to pull aside one well-meaning person, someone I feel comfortable with talking to, and tell her that all the attention is making me feel uncomfortable, and would she mind letting people know to back off from the compliments...just treat me as they treat everyone else and let's just get our work done. Any other ideas out there??? Thanks, Beth! Maureen

I'm right there with you, ladies! I'm almost as self-conscience about all the attention as I was being huge. I worked really hard to make my big ole self invisible and now.... good grief... I do appreciate it and I know they all have good intentions, but you're right... it's O V E R K I L L sometimes. I'm looking forward to just being "Normal". CP 309/185/144 3/11/04 5' 7"

I'm totally lucky. I got a job with a new company about a month ago and I haven't said anything to them. (They think I don't like their cafeteria food because I never finish my lunch.) But I do understand what you're talking about. It is almost not complimentary at all. It's like in the movies when they "make over" the nerd and suddenly everyone gushes about how cool she becomes. I don't know what I can say except that it's not in your head, you're feelings are valid. I guess hang in there, sooner or later something more exciting will come along to distract them off of you. Good luck, Jen

I hear you Maureen! I am at a point where I think I am going to say something as well. A few of them I know I can say something in a very light and kidding around but matter of fact manner like "OK OK enough of the gushing lets just pretend I was always this size" Just to give them a hint. I am just starting to really dislike it all. Today... now mind you my hair is horrible today aaalll I did was pull it back in a ponytail because it is raining and miserable outside... Someone saw me and stopped at my cube and goes "OK Lets see your hair...Oh ok you have it pulled back...Yes, I like it pulled back." I was like... um... well I didnt do anything to it I just yanked it back because its raining really. I mean, in a way, that is insulting to me because it looks awful its OBVIOUS that I just pulled it back because of the weather and I am just plain jane today nothing special. I am just really getting tired of it. I mean come on! I think I came across rather... "excuse you but this is a pain" type of attitude so maybe they got the hint a little. 'sigh' And of course today is a new day so I had to model my clothes. Even though they have seen me in this many times before. Am I crazy or are they??? Its just getting weird. VERY soon I think I am going to say something. Not in a nasty way but just to say..."hey you know I am normal too!" OR come back at them... "wow you look like you lost some weight have you?" let them see how it feels and then ask them the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day ah well !

I went to an engagement party last night and saw some friends I haven't seen since February. Before they even finished coming in the door, I mean they still had their coats on, they started talking loudly about how great I looked, wow, they can't believe it, etc. I was totally not thrilled, because I didn't know more than half the people there, and I certainly wasn't in the mood to announce that I had the surgery. I just kept trying to change the subject.

Hey, I can so relate to all of you all. I am in nursing school and many had not seen me over the summer, and by mid fall people several fellow students I had not seen since spring semester said they didn't know who I was till I started talking. I had a guy ask me out at school. My husband who also attends the same nursing school was standing right beside me. I had to answer the guy with, "Sure, but can I bring my husband along". (Hubby shot coke out of his nose!) I have several guys ask what the secret to getting thin was? "Um, I dont eat anymore". I had a girl say to during a break, Dang, you were so fat, I mean really fat, and then she nudged another girl and said "You know what I mean". I wanted to crawl under the break rooom table. My friend spoke up and turning her head sideways said, in a very quiet whispered voice "Its the chemo and she is touchy about it" Oh my gosh, I was rolling, I have not laughed so hard in a long time. Fellow students ask horrible question while we are in the hospital setting like "Were you on this floor when you for your weight reduction surgery", right infromt of other nurses and doctors. I have had instructors come and sit with a group of us at lunch and ask, "Are you going to be able to finish the whole chicken breast". People actively watch to see how much I will eat per setting. At the risk of horrific dumping, I have wanted to cram the whole chicken breat down and announce, "Damn that was so tasty, I am going back for another." I have had faculty come up to me during a med/surgical rotation and ask if I will show my scars. (I politely say sure, but only if you are willing to take off your top and show 'em your boobs".-Almost got kicked out of school over that) I've been asked if I am going to get all the baggy sking removed(How do they know I have beggy skin? I keep it covered.) I sometimes feel like a medical experiment in progress, I love my classmates but I feel like I am in a fish bowl of my own creating by being open about the surgery. The dean of the Nursing school took me aside and patted my on the shoulder and said, "Hun, I am so proud of you for losing all of your weight". I think it was a complement, but I had an icky feeling afterwards. It was almost like she was welcoming me to the thin peoples club, but I never before realized when I was fat that I was not a member. I like the complements, but I am shy about how to accept them, I almost feel unworthy, it is super hard to put into words. Alot of times I will just look down at the floor and shuffle my feet until they are done. Any suggestions for the out of bounds comments I get? How to deflect them or handle them? I often use humor but at times, I want to be known for me, not the fat person that I was, but the person I am trying to become. Christy RNY 3/8/2004