SHIFT OF CONCENTRATION

Here's a thought -- let's concentrate on the way in which we are able to move our bodies now, instead of food, food, food. Let's share stories about the joy of movement, something I have not felt in my adult lifetime. Here's mine: I walk every night, without fail, even if I don't feel like it (which is most of the time after a stressful day at work), I banish that voice in my head that screams, "You don't have to, do it tomorrow!" And I walk. I grab the leash and holler for my beautiful collie, Sophie, and she happily bounds to me, sits and patiently waits for me to hook the leash to her collar. Then, as we head off together, she playfully grabs a mouthful of lease and trots off, a few steps in front of me, as if she is walking me, not the other way around. And we go. I jog the first 1/4 of a mile -- can't believe I can do this. The feeling is exhilerating. The New England air is crisp and cold and so inviting. I love that I have this time to myself, that I don't feel the burden of being responsible for anyone but myself and Sophie for the 45 minutes it takes me to do my 1.5 mile hike. I think about stuff that's troubling me and try to come up with solutions; but mostly, I am keenly aware of the way my body feels, the strength in my legs, the way my lungs gobble up the air, and the force of my arms pumping in complete harmony with my legs, urging me onward. The feeling is...is there a word for it? How can I describe something as foreign and as remarkable as the ability to move without pain, without embarrassment and shame? I can't come up with the words. Last night, I discovered something about myself. Imagine, still discovering, learning at 48 years of age! Sophie and I started out together at dusk. I was a little nervous but felt that we'd be back before it was dark. I have always been very afraid of the dark, my whole life long. I remember as a girl, waking my father up in the middle of the night because I was so afraid, and he would hold my hand and walk me through each room, turning on lights one room at a time, and peeking in every crevice and under every piece of furniture and into every closet, to assure me that nothing was wrong, no one was in the house. And then he'd put me back to bed and stay with me until I fell asleep again. I still carry that fear of the dark. Anyway, by the time Sophie and I turned around to head home, it was very dark. We live in the country and the dirt road was very quiet and the woods borded it on both sides, all the way home. I felt that sinking feeling of panic and fear set in...and I picked up my pace. And then I realized something. It was an epiphany, really. The dark was not the source of my fear. My THOUGHTS about the dark created that fear! My imagination feeded my fear, not the dark. I smiled to myself and felt the fear leave me like some spirit of the night that was no longer welcome. And then I did something remarkable. I started thinking about how wonderful darkness really is; it falls on us with the promise of rest, every night. It calms us and induces us to sleep. The dark is a good thing, not something to fear. As I continued on my trek home, I embraced the dark; instead of jumping at every sound coming from the woods, I imagined the lovely things watching me from behind those trees...bunnies, racoons, deer, maybe even coyote or mountain lion (there have been reports of sightings in our area but I don't think I believe it). I was thinking how afraid of me they must feel, watching me, listening to me intruding on their world. And I felt sane, not paranoid. All was right in my world. I invite everyone to share their stories...how does it feel for you to move your body through space these days? Let's concentrate on this aspect of "the surgery" rather than the food, just for today, ok? have a great day, everyone! Maureen

What a wonderful story! I to am enjoying being able to move more & better. Sometimes I feel like what my children must have felt when they were little infants and discovered their hands for the first time! Once during a very busy day at work, as I rushed to get my advertising paper work up 2 flights of stairs to make my newspapers crazy deadline I all of a sudden realized that I was bounding up the stairs! Without thought! Without dragging myself up them hand over hand grabbing the railing and pulling. Without gasping for air or holding my chest waiting for my heart to stop pounding! Without my knees groaning and in awful pain. I laughed out loud with the thrill of that! I made that deadline with a smile on my face. Now I'm the one who says to the rest of the group "I'm going upstairs give me your ads"! Life is good. Good luck & god bless, pam

GREAT IDEA! Since I teach Kindergarten, I am always moving and going from sitting on the floor to standing and tying a BAZILLION shoes a day. As I was squatting on the floor yesterday tying gym shoes (God bless whoever invented VELCRO!) I did think I could never have done this last year, I would have been so uncomfortable bending over this time, let alone being able to breathe easily. What a nice thought. I also "caught sight" of myself in the mirror a few days ago and spent sometime looking at myself and seeing the beauty in myown body, I haven't EVER done that, and of course there is the skin issue but other than that to actually look at myself for longer than the quick glance to make sure I didn't look TOO bad was nice. But ya know what I LOVE? I love sitting with my feet up in the chair under me and being able to actually FIT THAT WAY! Nic 291/181/145

Reenie, This self-discovery just gets better and better. As I become a more active participant in life, I find that I'm not as focused on weight, the scales or counting every calorie. I'm just enjoying my existence. I was in step aerobics this morning and marveled at how easy it was for me to breeze through class. No huffing and puffing, no red face, no stopping 10 times for a drink of water. The instructor asked if we wanted to go longer. YES! I love to curl up in chairs and look at how little space I take up compared to before. My butt is no longer a dam in the bottom of the tub, stretching from one side to the other. I sit with my legs crossed, even though I know it's bad for the veins. I do it just because I can. When I go to the doctor, I don't have to look for the biggest chair in the waiting room. I never worry if the blood pressure cuff is going to fit anymore. I realize that a size 14 is still large according to the insurance industry. I'm aware that I'm still a good 40 pounds overweight. I don't care. I no longer feel that I need to be ashamed or apologize for the privelege of being me. Hugs, Connie

Reenie, Great Post!! You are absolutely right, Everyone needs to shift the concentration away from not managing their weight & just do it without thinking. This is when its get a little harder to keep going for all of us. When you find other things to do, it takes away that urge to eat too much. I also can do so much more than I could 7 months ago. Its amazing that I feel this good in such a short time. I look at those results and then get up & move also. I take stairs when I can now when I would never think of the stairs before. I get compliment from just about everyone (except my boyfriend) that I look wonderful. (thats another storyfor another day) Thanks for the post It really help thinking of other things to get us all thru this rough period of our lifes. Marilyn, the Bearlady

Reenie, Oh, how quickly we forget how far we've come. I've been concentrating on this 20 lbs. I have to go and how I've only lost 2 lbs. in a month and how big my stomach is, etc. when I should be thinking about how incredibly good I feel having lost 80 lbs.! I love to curl up in a chair or on the couch just because I can. I enjoy bending over or squatting to pick up things off the floor because it's so darn easy. I was in D.C. with my family last week for fall break, and my husband was telling me to slow down because they were all tired. I actually get cold now, and put on a sweatshirt instead of ripping off all my clothes because I felt like I was dying of a heat stroke. Life is good! Carla

What a terrific reminder! My exercise lately has been moving furniture. I had to put my mother in a nursing home and clean out the place she has lived for 20 years. That involved 3 weekends of garage sales. I can't believe how much I was able to carry and do! Joy -72 lbs

Hi Maureen, I was thinking about you earlier...my weight loss is so slow this month. Only 7 pound loss so far which is discouraging, but what you said is so true, how we can move about now! I also have an intense fear of the dark ever since I was a child. Still to this day I cannot sleep in total darkness...I get this terrible anxiety and my chest closes up and I feel completely panicked! It really is strange and can't figure out for the life of me why I have this fear, at any rate...Im usually ok outside in the dark but still have that feeling just looming at the surface. Its wonderful that you were able to conquer this because it is a real phobia to get over. It seems like your new found physical strength has also fed your mental strength! Way to go! I wish you all the best and am so happy to hear that you have overcome your fear of the dark! Elizabeth M