Arrrgggghhhh!!!!!!
A guy that I used to date (pre-surgery) was in town last night and I met him for dinner. I don't see this guy very often because he travels for a living, but I saw him about a month after surgery and told him about my wls. At that point, he told me how good I looked and made sure to follow it up with a compliment about how good I looked before surgery.
Last night he was really shocked. When he said things like, "Why did you go and mess with perfection?" I just thought he was being flattering and blew it off. As the night wore on, I realized this guy was serious. He REALLY does not think I look as good now as I did then. I had been prepared for a battle with him wanting to go home with me or take me back to his place because that's what always happens (the battle that is), but he never asked. In fact, he didn't even give me the usual kiss goodnight. He hugged me and complained that he could feel my ribs. He did make it a point to tell me that he has never dated anyone who is a smaller or normal size because it just doesn't look good to him. It sounds like he was being mean, but we've always told each other exactly how we felt about things so he was just being honest and I didn't mind.
What I do mind is that this is the 3rd guy in 6 months that's had issues with me losing weight. The first two stopped dating me at least in part because I was losing weight and they weren't.
Arrrrggggghhhh!
Connie
Connie -
Sounds like you have surrounded yourself with men who had fat fetishes to say the least! I am sorry you are finding that there is so much change with these men. I know it might not be comfortable, but perhaps it will be better in the end because maybe you'll find Mr. Right who would love you either way now that you are so much thinner.
You might have to find a whole new set of boyfriends, but maybe you'll do even better and find ONE new boyfriend who will love you for the beautiful you inside and not for whether you are thin or thick.....
Dina
my husband and i are separated due to other reasons but when the subject of surgery first came about, he told me that if i lost too much weight, that he would leave me. we where together for 9 years and like i said we separated for other reasons, but now he is with a girl who is 400 pounds. i think, in my husband's case anyway, that he is so insecure that he feels better with women who are bigger because they themselves fell insecure with their weight so they stick with him, in his own mind i think he thinks that's the reason. does that make any sense? did i explain that right? i don't know, but he use to make comments to me post surgery that i was gonna get "skinny" and leave him for someone else. he's the one who cheated on me tho!
Connie -
First let me say - the guys you've been telling us about are complete morons. You would be such a good catch. You are witty, intelligent, beautiful and a darn good person (at least from what I can tell from your posts and profile!). These guys are idiots if they pass you up because of your exterior. You are the same fantastic person on the inside - just as you were before WLS.
Oh, and by the way - I would love to have someone complain that they can feel MY ribs! I still have a long way to go. It's a long journey, but I'm willing to ride it out!
Take care, sweetie!
-Wendy
I reply from the perspective of a guy, cause that is what I am. There is one post about guys who like women who are obese because of their own issues. This is what I believe to be the case. I say this for a couple of reasons. My sister is obese (runs in the family) and her husband likes her that way. He beats her up about her weight, while he is very thin. I think he likes holding this over her. After I had my surgery, my sister got interested. Her insurance decliined her due to a iron clad exemption. She was going to pay for it herself after their truck was paid for this summer. ( I kinda gave the idea because I told her how silly I thought it was for people to drop 40K on a truck, but balk at spending 25K for something that will save you life). In anycase, her husband goes out and buys her a new truck for her birthday. Now, instead of having surgery she has a brand new 45K truck. And he still comments about her weight.
I don't know you other then from your posts. But I do enjoy what I have seen here, and if some guy can't see you for who you are, then to quote a popular book right now " He just isn't that into you!" Don't waste your time, somebody out there will appreciate you for who you are.
Don't think a second thought about the jerk. He is probably jealous and afraid of other men looking at you. You did it for yourself! Hooray for you. Tell him to take a hike. As long as you feel good about yourself, don't let him bring you down. Some men just prefer large women (I don't know why ) But there are plenty of men out there that appreciate a firm and good looking body....keep up the good work!
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