NEED ADVICE - PLEASE HELP!

I need help. My 14 year old daughter is eating non stop. Wakes up and eats breakfast before early morning bible study. eats donuts at bible study. eats breakfast again after bible study. eats breakfast again at school. eats a snack at about 10. eats lunch at school. eats a snack as soon as she gets home. eats a snack about 5. eats dinner about 6. eats a snack about 8. eats a snack before bed. I am finding candy wrappers everywhere. She has blossomed up to a size 16. She is in heavy denial and even claims she is on Atkins and is losing weight. I am really worried about her. She told me oh well, if I get as fat as you I will just take the easy way out like you. Ive tried telling her how many health problems Ive had and that this is NOT easy - but she doesnt listen any better then I did at that age. ANY IDEAS on how I can stop her before she gets into health problems, social problems, and everything else that WE have had to deal with?? -Sherrie

Sherrie, The first thing that popped into my head is where is she getting all of this money to buy this junk? Second are you keeping healthy things in the cupboard and firg for her to eat? Has she seen you naked?? I know my naked self would be a deterrent for anyone wishing to abuse theirs with food. I have skin hanging everywhere!! and what doesn't hang still has fat packing it, but it will soon join the rest of the hangy down parts!! You could also ask her to have weekly weigh-in's with you...but with her binging like she is you certainly don't want her to start purging just to make it through the weigh-in. But truly it sounds like she might need some counseling. Kids at that age won't listen to their parents but another adult sometimes can get through. If you have access to an adolescent counselor it would be worth looking into. Good luck!! Happy thoughts, Va 232/153/130 -79 pounds

She babysits every weekend and also pulls weeds for grandma and gets allowance. I have showed her what I look like naked - she attributes it to age not fat. grrrrr. -Sherrie

I was thinking along the lines of: where is she getting all of this junk food? You're the mom & you should have control over what is in your house. Also at 14, your daughter doesn't have a job does she? Where is she getting the money to buy all of this junk? I hope this doesn't come off as critical as that is not my intention. Just a gentle, friendly reminder that you're the mom and you can control what food you keep in the house. Also, showing her your naked body now & when you lose some more weight & have hanging skin will help! Good luck, I'll be praying for you!

She babysits and pulls weeds and does odd jobs to earn money. Also she has been caught taking money out of my purse. I dont keep junk in the house but she finds it anyway! -Sherrie

I was the skinniest kid on the block. The only snack food in our house was fruit. Get rid of the junk food and donuts and limit your daughter's spending $$$$. I would also suggest seeing a counselor - maybe your surgery frightenend her in some way. Good luck. I raised 2 teens and it isn't easy. Louise

Aside from the great suggestions about reducing her access to junk food, the hard truth is that you can't directly make her face this. You can arrange and encourage physical activity (hikes with family and friends, etc.) and let her share your healthier lifestyle in a fun way. You can try to cook healthy food that is appealing to her, but I know this is a challenge for a 14 year old! Pizza and hamburgers are better than chocolate and coca cola. Have you been open with her about your emotional and physical experiences before surgery? Don't hold back--she is old enough to reveal your pain. She sounds afraid and out of control. We can all relate to that! She may be blaming you for her problems. (Most 14 year old girls do blame mom for everything!) Let her know you are on her side. She won't be 14 forever! (Thank goodness!) Joy

Sherrie, your daughter sounds as if she is very afraid of something and also very angry. The way she is dealing with her problems is through hurting herself with food. She is not making these choices because she is hungry; she is making these choices because there is an empty hole in her heart and soul that makes her feel bad and she thinks on some subconscious level that she can fill it up...i.e. make the pain go away...with food. Get her into therapy as quickly as possible. Go with her. The changes you mention in your profile and as evident in your photos are remarkable. This has to be having a huge effect on your family. Sit her down, look into her beautiful eyes and tell her that nothing, no one is more important to you than she is. Tell her that if you had been invited to heaven to choose your baby out of the millions and billions of babies waiting to be born, you would have picked her. It sounds as if she is feeling very alone and isolated with her feelings, and her feelings are scaring her. She is trying to self-sooth through food. Others do it with booze, drugs, cutting themselves (a very real and scary epidemic with teenagers today, especially young girls), sex, you name it. Get into therapy with your daughter. Don't delay. All the best in the world, I will say gentle, thoughtful prayers for you and your daughter. My daughter is 16 and remains the love of my life. I would lay down and die for her. And for my son. God bless, Maureen

Sherrie, Such a tough call. I would definitely set her up with a nutritionist and councelor and make SURE that she goes. You are the mom and she has to do what you tell her while under your roof and that would be the "has to do" thing. That way she can hear it from someone else. I wish you the very best!!! hang in there! ((hugs)) Elizabeth M

I too have a daughter but older and on her own and thinks this is a easy way out....doen't even remember all the problems I had diabetic, sleep apena, liver problems.......I think that when they see how fast the weight comes off us they are jealous in a way....and maybe even depressed that they try and not much happens...... I sort of think your daughter is depressed....and needs some help......we all ate too much due to depression among other things.....so take her to the doc and see if he can help her....... maybe that way she will feel better about herself and make some right choices........just a thought Best wishes on your daughter Donna