6 MONTHS OUT AND SCARED

Good morning, everyone. I'm trying to dash this off before needing to leave for work. Life has become so hectic. Yesterday was my 6 month anniversary and I'm down 102 lbs. since surgery, 1022 lbs. since December when I saw my surgeon. I am happy about the weight loss but terrified at my behavior yesterday. When I got home from work I was hungry and tired and feeling a bit blue (some stuff going on in my life right now), and so had a harmless little cookie. Well, the short of it is that I ended up eating just the way I always did before surgery -- one cookie led to about 20, then a bowl of Fruit Loops, followed by a generous fistful of crackers...I stuffed myself silly with crap. Tons of crap. And I could. No problem. I can eat anything now and in whatever quantities I choose. I'm terrified. Why do I feel this way about myself? Why would I do this to myself? I thought I shouldn't post this because I really don't want to bring anyone down, but I'm terrified and I feel so alone in what I'm feeling. Thanks for listening. I wish everyone a great day today. Maureen

well... absolutely no need to feel alone. i'm in the same boat. lately, i've realized that i can put away the food, too. i don't know what it is about or why i am able to do this, but i am. i can't handle any sugar at all, but i sure can go through the sugar free cookies. i too, am absolutely terrified. i've been at a plateu for quite awhile, but i still can't bring myself to exercise or do anything differently. you'd think after losing 120 pounds that i'd have all of this energy - nope. nothing. tired and lazy all of the time and would just as soon be drug naked through the streets as get up and exercise. sometimes i am able to realize what i'm eating and make myself stop, knowing full well that i'd be able to keep going...sometimes i just keep eating. of all of the problems that i thought i might have, being able to eat too much was never one of them. i feel almost exactly like i did before surgery, and every day i wake up saying "i will do better today" and every night i go to bed saying "i will do better tomorrow". i honestly don't know what to tell you...but, you are definitely not alone. take care, kym

Dear Maureen: I am so sorry that you have made such a frightening discovery. Your post scares me to death. I am so afraid that I too can eat more than I think I should and I never dump. I do however find that this surgery helps me to stop eating. It gives me the control to walk away. I don't knwo what to tell you to do. I just want you to know that there are a lot of people here who care about you and want you to succeed. Good luck. Louise

Hang in there. All of us are entering a new phase of our new life. Our appetites are returning! I'm struggling too. The days I do best are the days I focus on getting in protein like I am supposed to. That seems to knock the appetite down. I have had bad days when I lost control too. Sometimes it makes me sick, but mostly it doesn't. Even on the worst of days I am eating less than I used to though. I do wish they had done head surgery too, but since they didn't, I just have to learn to take one day at a time and focus on nutrition, instead of feeling deprived. Joy -65 lbs

Maureen, As you have read, you are not alone. I have been going through the same thing, my 6th month anv. was on the 8th and I am also down 102 lbs. I know that is great, but just like you I find I can eat anything and I am so scared so scared of that double *****oming back and people looking at me like I dont care about myself. I hate my self right now and I am struggling so bad. Today I barley got any protein in and I found my self snacking on everything knowing as I put the food in my mouth it was bad for me. I believe in prayer and I will be praying for all my wls friends that we find strength for the journey and the war we are fighting against obesity. I am going to beat this, but I am just having a bad day to. Best of Luck. Rhen

Maureen, I'm so sorry that you are feeling alone. You are certainly not alone!! Boy oh Boy... let me get my hand on a container of pringles!!!! sheesh!! Yeah it is so scary to find that we can eat so much and can tolerate sugar. Just know that this first year is so important... I know you know that already though... Ok... so I am going to actually give you a trick to FORCE yourself to stop... OK there must be SOMETHING that makes you sick... me ... eggs!! when I eat eggs... I just had some and MAN I thought I could handle them now but ... I cant... I am just sick as a dog... My suggestion.. (and I am going to try this myself since I just thought of it hee hee ) When you start to binge... eat that horrible thing that makes you sick... that thing that you know will cause you to feel nauseous... once that feeling sinks in you wont want to continue the binge... So at least it will cut the binge down in half. Im going to try that myself when I am faced with those darned chips! Chin up Maureen... You can beat this! (((hugs))) 102 pounds down is so awesome... strive for that goal Elizabeth M

You're NOT alone ! I feel the same way. Nothing makes me sick and I can eat more now than I could and I stay hungury alot. We have got to stick together and we can do this !! Judy

Hi ladies! I just posted this under another thread, but I think it bears repeating here. This was written by a friend of mine who is a fellow loser. Close your eyes... Form a picture in your mind. In a year, how do you want to feel? What do you want to look like? How will you get there? And even more important, how will you STAY there! YOU ARE NOT ON A DIET! You are changing the way you THINK!!! It's a LIFE STYLE CHANGE... Don't use food as a reward... Go out and take a walk or something else to ease you mind! Food is fuel.... It only gets you going and keeps you going. Food is NOT your FRIEND... If you repeat this enough to yourself and others -- you WILL start to believe it... And Remember.... "NOTHING tastes as good as I feel!!!" HTH, and have a good day! -Marcie lap rny, 3/29/04 Dr. Christine Gupta St. Vincent Carmel Hospital Carmel, Indiana 281/205/150 BMI: 49.8/36.3

Dear Maureen: I anguish with you about your plight. You have some decisions to make. When I eat something that I find is hard for me to resist, I throw it all away, and keep it out of the house. I have 3 teen age boys, so that is not an easy decision. I try to avoid temptation as much as possible, but if it is too strong, it goes out the door. I refuse to go backwards. Losing weight can be a scary thing, and perhaps you are feeling some of that. I find I can eat much more "junk" type foods than real foods. Eat with your head not your stomach. You have a real chance to get control of what you are eating, take it. Are you walking? Or Exercising? This is key. Surgery is just a tool. Don't let some form of activity escape you, you need it, and so does your body to regulate. Surgery is no miracle, just a tool. How about a support group? Any in town? I attend faithfully twice a month. It does help to help others and to learn from others. It has been key to my success. I'm not a group type person, but this has served me well for information and support. Find one and become part of it. The bottom line Maureen, is the ball is in your court. No one is going to help you get through this, as much as you are going to have to choose to work through it. Don't punish yourself for losing weight, and don't go backwards. Drink tha****er, consume that protein, find that activity, and fulfill that contract you made with yourself when you decided to go under the knife! Your word is your bond, so keep your word to yourself. Maybe you did or didn't say it audibly, but when you had surgery you committed to a life change. You can do this, but the ball is in your court. Have a great day! In this together, Patty

Marueen, I have also eaten my share of bad food, but I do my best to not beat myself up and go back to focusing on protein. I also feel like crap mentally and physically when I eat poorly, so I try to focus on how much better I feel when I eat right. We're gonna make mistakes, but we just have to pick ourselves up and start over again and see how far we've come. We can do it! Carla