Distorted body image
I am so weird. When I was a teenager, I thought I was so fat. But I wasn't. I was totally normal sized. Then as I got into college and went through my 20's gaining 10lbs a year, I didn't really notice myself packing on the pounds and never really saw myself as fat as I clearly was. Even though I progressed all the way to size 28, I still didn't think I looked that bad. So now that I have lost 95lbs. I look in the mirror and think I look fat! Now in all actuality, I am still very fat. I need to lose another 80lbs but still, what the heck is wrong with my brain? I am clearly not as fat as I was before but now I notice it more. I do feel better though.I am much lighter on my feet and can walk longer withought tireing. I am feeling bones that I havent felt in years etc. So I know that I am smaller but I still look in the mirror and see a very fat woman and it disgusts me. Why didn't I feel this way when I was 340? It doesn't make sense. Does anyone else feel this way?
Nic
i can relate to everything you just said 100%. even at 330, i didnt think i was "that big." my mother tells me now how she would cry when she saw me cuz i just kept getting bigger and bigger...but to me it didnt seem that way. now i'm down around 80 pounds and i think i look fat. i know...it's weird. i use to tell my husband this before the surgery. it's like the reverse of people who are anorexic. they see themselves as fat when they arent...i saw myself as "ok" when i clearly wasn't. hard to explain but i know where u are coming from. your not alone.
Count me in on your dilemma!!!!! I have had the same exact story, when I was 330 lbs and wearing a size 28-30 I would tell myself I dont look "too" bad. And I really felt it, but now that i am -110 lb and wearing a size 18 I am forever saying I look fat, and I dont "see" the loss. I feel it, and I know I cant even begin to wear the size 30's, but my head is sure trying to play games with me. I have a friend who in her early 20's (she is now 40) was over weight, she over time changed her diet and exercise, and she is now a red-headed (thanks to clairol) bomb shell. She has the "perfect" body. When I talked to her about my inability to see my body changes she told me that she still sees the overweight person she saw in the morror 16-18 years ago. She said as much as she knows she is only a size 4-6, her mind just doesnt let her beleive anything other than she is FAT!!! I have just decided not to dwell on it and enjoy feeling better and whatever size I wear or however my mind tells me I look, I will just be happy where I am. I have come too far to not enjoy the "roller coaster ride" of this weight journey. Isnt it amazing we all think once we loose the weight all the other stuff will just leave with it? How wrong is that? Hope you can enjoy your ride! Janelle
I can relate as well. I keep telling myself that my mind has not caught up with my wieght loss. And when I look down, I still have my extra fat hanging. It is also hard to tell that it is smaller from that view.
I keep telling myself that I know I have lost weight, I cannot wear the same clothes and that should give me confirmation that I am not as fat as I used to be. My mental image hopefully will catch up one day.
As I am single, I do not have the confidence to flirt and think a gentleman would be interested. I have always shied away from that due to my weight.
I am right there with you on this one...but I have found that as I try new things that I wouldn't do before that my body image is slowly adjusting. For instance -- I wouldn't go through a turnstile 5 months ago with the fear of getting stuck. Now I'll try it and it works!
I just went to an amusement park with my family and I tried every single ride I wanted to....and I fit without too much difficulty so slowly I'm adjusting. I still glare at booths and car seat belts and such and always misjudge whether or not I'll fit.
I'm quite sure I'll have a lifelong perception problem because I've always been fat...always.
Lissa
I see a psychologist weekly and he said that it is called body dismorphia. It is very much related to how anorexics see themselves. The reality is so much different from the mental picture. I still don't see the difference even though I am down 80#. I can still wear some of my clothes, I have not had to buy new. (What's with that? Was I kidding myself before or am I doing it now? I know some are too big but I am deffinately not swimming in anything.) Pdoc is helping me correct the distorted image I see of myself. I am glad that I had a before picture taken. It is HORRIBLE but it does show me where I came from. In my mind I was no where near as big as the picture shows.
I pray that this will get corrected in time. But remember, you are not alone here, we are all there probably in some degree.
Nic, thanks for starting this great thread. I HAD to convince myself that I was "ok" at 350--it was the only way I could function in the world, as a professional, as a mother, a wife, all of it. I had to make myself believe that I wasn't so bad so that I could go out in the world everyday and function "normally" with the rest of the "normal" world. Otherwise, I would have just become a total recluse, just me and my twinkies locked away from the rest of the world. Now, I am going through exactlly what you're going through. I was laying down resting yesterday (having a bout of bursitis in my hip and shoulder...anyone else going through this??) and I was stretched out on my bed with my legs crossed at the ankles. Both my husband and daughter came in to talk to me about something and the both stopped dead in their tracks and Jillian said, "Wow, Mom! You have great legs!" Jim just looked at me and said in this very tender voice, "You have gotten so much smaller." I DON'T FEEL IT. I DON'T SEE IT. And it's making me feel so, so down, so depressed. Guess it's time to go talk to somebody. Thanks again for bringing this up. Maureen
Apparently we are not all that unusual! I think some of us who were thin as children locked in this self image. If we did not acknowledge our obesity, how would we expect to notice the loss?
Also, as Reenie said, good old denial has worked for us for years to keep us going. I think this is just going to take time. It has been really hard for me to look at the right sizes of clothing--I would just gravitate toward the sizes I used to wear. I am beginning to break this habit and be able to hold up something and guess if it will fit or not, but I have to work at it. I think it will get easier with time.
We steeled ourselves to protect ourselves from the hurtful comments of others; now we need to open our hearts and let the positive comments convince us of our new positive realities. It's a bit scarey!
Joy
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