Rambling and Pondering Ahead

What a crazy ten days it's been. Two all night trips to the ER with two different people. Both of them life and death situations for different reasons. Bad transmission, bad tooth, bad marriage (not mine), drama, drama, drama. I won't even venture into the work arena. The crazy thing is that all of it is happening all around me and not to me (except the tooth and transmission). Even the tooth and transmission were no big deal - I bought a new car and got a crown. Problems solved. The biggest dilema I have in my life is what color to paint the exterior of my house. Believe me, I'm grateful for that while I wonder at the inequity of the universe. The brother-in-law is still in the hospital and has his good days and his bad. It will be a long road to recovery. My sister doesn't know whether to sell the house or not, what to tell the kids, how to proceed. She's a therapist and finds herself unprepared for how to deal with this in her own life, even though it happens around her all the time. We talk for hours everyday and there's really nothing I can do, except support her as she works through this. The Man hates his job for the first time in 32 years. He has 11 months to go until retirement and I don't know what's going to keep him from walking out the door. His office is packed and the box is ready to be picked up and carried out the door. Every day I talk him off the ledge and he goes back for another round. It's the politics that are driving him crazy. He should leave for his health, but I know that he'll hate himself if he leaves what has been an exemplary career for the wrong reasons. Then again, you have to feel sorry for a man who has phone conversations with his girlfriend that go like this: Connie: Honey, how do yo take the clip out of a gun? The Man: Why do you have a gun? Connie: I took it out of someone's mouth. I wonder why he's stressed. It's not as bad as the time I called him from the drugstore when I was surrounded by a street gang. I still don't understand why he couldn't have taught me Karate over the phone, after all, he is a black belt. You don't think I'm part of the reason for his rising blood pressure and tension do you? One of my best friends caught her husband with another woman after 28 years. As I helped her move out of her house between hugs and drying her eyes, I knew that it is just a matter of time before she goes back. This guy has verbally and mentally abused her for 28 years and now he's abused her trust, but I know that she's not strong enough or self-confident enough to believe that she can make it on her own. I'll support her while she's on her own and support her when she goes back. I wonder if she would have the confidence to leave him for good if she weighed 80 pounds less? Would it matter? I could go on and on about what's happening to the people around me, but I'm healthy, I'm happy and I'm emotionally tired. I feel guilty because literally, the biggest problem I have right now is what color to paint my house. Isn't that crazy? The guy next to me is so despondent that he tries to end his life and I don't know what color paint I want? What's wrong with this picture? Where's the balance? Hugs, Connie

Hey Connie After all of that going on around you, I feel quite good all of a sudden. Wow, is all I can say & you are still breathing & keeping it all together. THAT IS AMAZING!! Just be sure you give yourself a Hug for putting up & saving all these folks along the way. Don't foget you need some time for You as well. I wish I could have met you in person before leaving AZ. You are a wonderful person to keep doing for everyone around you. Thanks for the ramblings, as always they are entertaining. You can ramble any time you want around here!! Marilyn, the Bearlady

Pink. Paint it pink. prayers and hugs. Pam

Hi Connie, I have nothing to say but that your posts always make me think about life mine and others and you are right where's the balance. Take care and hugs, Mo

Of course, my first inclination is to offer lots of sage advice but I don't need to do that with you - you've got it all together. The balance question is a tough one, I found myself thinking about that very question last week when a beloved professor at Connecticut College died after a brief but horrible fight with cancer. He leaves an 11 year old daughter behind whom he cherished. Harold was very unique - incredibly kind and a brilliant anthropologist. What he had in spades - and what the rest of the world lacks - is an uncanny ability to listen, and listen well. He never judged but he made you feel significant because he listened to what you had to say, no matter what. He was a very young 52 years old. And I could not help but wonder why? Why Harold when there are perverts out there raping little girls and boys? Why Harold? Connie, I'll say it again - please REST. Rest your body and your mind. You are so important to so many people. Love, Reenie

pink with royal blue trim....... or lilac and forest green oh- well- i never had any fashion sense! hugs to you connie.....unending hugs....................

Where is the balance? Sweetheart....that *is* the balance. See - if you and everyone around you in a state of chaos at the same time, who would be who's rock? That's the ebb and flow of life. When we are weak and doing poorly, others are strong and doing well....and they are better able to shoulder some of your woes for you...and vice versa. Dina