BECAUSE I CAN

Hi all. It's been a while for posting although I've been reading how everyone is doing. Here we are, well into our 4th month and I've been thinking a lot about someone who was very dear to me. Perhaps one of you may benefit from hearing a little about him. Brian was my brother, a year younger than me. His life was all about being physical, moving, achieving, being active. As a kid, I was the intellectual. I was content to stay in my room with a good book, while Brian was out tearing up a baseball or football field. He won all kinds of sports awards in high school and was even offered a full scholarship to college to play football but he turned it down -- he didn't want to bother with classes! Brian was gorgeous, an adonis. His physique was a work of art, not an ounce of fat on his body. In his late 20s, he feel 75 ft. from a tree in a hunting accident that left him a paraplegic for the rest of his life. For the next 7 years, he lived life from a wheelchair and STILL he had to move. He learned to hunt on his own, and to drag his kill to the truck that he rigged himself so that he could drive. I don't think he ever shed a tear. I watched his legs shrivel and die, but not his spirit. He died 6 years ago from a blood clot that traveled from one of his withered legs to the heart that beat with such passion -- and then stopped beating. I miss him every day of my life. After Brian's accident I tried so many times to get physical, to lose weight, if not for me then for him. He couldn't walk anymore but there was no reason other than morbid obesity that kept me from moving. I hate myself for every failure, for every day that my head said, "Get up and walk -- because you CAN!" -- and then I wouldn't. Well, things are different now. I am moving my body -- because I CAN. For every day that I don't want to move, I WILL move -- because I CAN. I will continue to increase my physical activity, the way Brian couldn't -- because I CAN. And I hope he is watching me from that field in the sky and wishing me well, cheering me on, the way I cheered for him through so many games. When we were teenagers, he told me once after I had lost a lot of weight, "Wow, sis, you have great looking legs!" I tucked those words under my memory pillow and they still mean the world to me. Brian was my hero. And I need a new one. I think I'll apply for the job. Because I CAN. My love and heartfelt best wishes to all of you. Maureen

Wow Maureen - what a wonderful post and a wonderful way of putting it in perspective. ((thank you)) Dina

You're welcome, Dina. I'm glad to have shared this with you. M.

Hi Reenie, I can feel your sense of loss so strongly from your message - and I understand it very well. My heart goes out to you becuase you no longer have your brother, at least I still have mine here, but with his life very changed. My older brother was also an avid athlete all his life. He was a football, basketball and tennis star. He loved hunting and fishing and the outdoors. Later in life - in his early 50's he discovered biking and tackled it like everything else. He became a semi-pro mountain bike racer and raced with guys 20 years younger than himself. 2 years ago he was in a race and his front wheel collapsed when he hit a rut. He was speared into the ground and suffered a severe spinal chord injury. He's now a quadriplegic. He has a little movement and still works every day to keep the little bit of movement he has. After that happened I felt so guilty - like you - for not getting out and using the good legs I had to exercise. Now I am. Thank God I still have my brother with me and he is cheering me one, encouraging my every step and accomplishment - as I know your brother would be doing if he was here - which I know he's doing from where he is. I know there must be times when you're walking and working out that you feel that extra spurt of energey when you thought you couldn't go any further or do any more - that's your brother, there with you, cheering you on, sending you his love. Thank you for your story because it helps me appreciate even more that I still have my brother, even though it's so hard to watch his daily struggle. Maybe his body is mangled, but his spirit and determination are even strong than they've ever been, just like your brother's was. ((((hugs)))) Gail

Oh, Gail -- thank you for your message. I cried when I read it. We have shared so many of the same experiences, thoughts, feelings! I'm glad you still have your hero and I wish him all good things in life. He must be a very special person. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Maureen

Sounds like you guys created some great memories for one another throughout the years despite both of your debilitions (paralysis & morbid obesity). I commend you finding the strength to search out this surgery to help you do as your brother did... doing what you can to live life to the fullest. Smiles! CP

I'm just thankful you're all there to listen. God bless, Maureen

Wow, Maureen! What an inspriation! And he is there in the stands cheering for you... "Therefore since we are surrounded by such a cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles, and run with perseverence the race marked out for us." Heb 12:1 Brian is one of those witnesses, standing on his feet, cheering for you! Joy -50 lbs (finally!!)

That brough a tear to my eye Maureen! God Bless you ! Your a strong and beautiful woman , and God is good, we may not understand at the time why he does what he does... but keep talking to him, he is always there for us! Have a nice weekend :hugs: Mary

Thanks, Mary. I feel likewise about you! M.