THE POST FROM HELL

People, please help me make sense of this. I can't stop eating. This is different than the back and forth grazing a bit here and there; I am gaining weight fast. My body is shifting, my stomache is starting to puff out, my face is fuller than it's been in 3 years. IS ANYONE ELSE HAVING A HARD TIME MAINTAINING THEIR WEIGHT LOSS? I am up 8 pounds from my lowest weight with no sign of being able to get control. Please help me get out of my head by sharing what's going on with you. I'm really scared. Where is everybody? Michael, Ken, DINA, Margo, Joanie (where's Joanie???), where's the calvary??? Maureen

Reenie, Reenie.... breathe. I knew something was going on because you haven't been posting much. Why are you eating? Is it the hunger that you experienced before? Are you stuffing your emotions? Are you stressed? Are you eating non-stop or are you eating in volume or is it a matter of what you are eating rather than the amount? I gained about 4 pounds during the holidays. Everytime I passed the secretary's desk, a half a cookie disappeared down my throat. I grazed my way through the holidays. I thought I was maintaining, but that was a crock. I got on the scale on Saturday after not weighing for about three weeks and there it was. What has really helped me get back on track is writing down every bite that goes in my mouth. If I gotta write it, I'm less inclined to bite it. Hang in there. We love you. Connie

Thanks, Connie. No, the eating is not out of physical hunger; just life. Stress, emotions, lack of sleep, menopause, no sex, 13 year old son with raging hormones and penchant for knee-jerk enraged responses to anything that is requested of him, like, "brush your teeth." I am sad, sad, sad, and tired, tired, tired, and no matter how hard I try to fight it, I end up thinking on some level that all that's left to me is food. I'm just a plain old friggin' train wreck I suppose. I've been thinking lately that if I post my food intake to this board daily, at least it might make me feel accountable. So, starting tomorrow, first thing in the morning, I'm going to post my food log, every single thing that finds it's way into my mouth and down to my gut will be posted. I hope this is ok with everyone, and I invite anyone else to join me. Starting tomorrow, I am starting a daily food log on this board. And I'm going to try really, really hard to honor it with absolute truth. Love you guys, thanks for being there for me--again. Reenie

Reenie, I once lived with a 13 year old hormone in high tops. I know what that's like and it's like living on pins and needles. Never knowing what was going to set him off. I actually stopped talking to him for two full weeks. Told him there was no point in us having a conversation because everything I said set him off and shut my mouth. For really important things, I left a note on the table, but everything else, I just let go. He came into my room late one night and begged me to start talking to him again and things were better - for a little while. The only way I maintained my sanity through those years and didn't eat him like a baby guppy was to remember that everything he was exhibiting felt very real and genuine to him, he was feeling real emotional pain and probably didn't understand why. He knew he was irrational and didn't understand it himself. So now you... What fills you up? I don't mean food, I mean spiritually and emotionally. What charges your battery? For me, it's making things, painting rooms, building walls, tiling counters, putting up ceilings... working with my hands and transforming things. What fills you up? Singing? Walking outside? Being with friends? Volunteering in a women's shelter? Maybe this is a good topic for a separate thread. I'm all in favor of posting your food and I will do the same, but that's exercising accountability and not recharging the batteries. Love ya huge, Connie

Instead of focusing on how much I'm eating, or even how often, I do best to examine WHAT I'm eating. Once I substitute protein for the sugar and white carbs, I seem to recover some degree of sanity. Virginia's post about planned frequent eating has helped me reduce the grazing cycle too. I wouldn't say I am back in control, but I'm doing better and the crazy cravings are more controllable. Connie is right. Journalling what you are eating, when you are eating it and why, may be key to figuring this out. I think we are all struggling. You are NOT alone!!! Joy

yeah i did the weight gain over the holidays too. it was an added gift that i didn't have a recept for so it can't be taken back and get the price i paid for it. now i've got to work hard to get rid of it. the worse of it is it doesn't totally go away. i work i slave i starve i excersize i drink i count calories, protein, carbs, you name it and instead of losing the 3 i've gained over a couple of days i lose a pound in a month. argggg its the continue to work at it to lose it that i consider the success. in the past i didn't continue to work at it. i'd give up and have another cookie. if the cookies were gone i'd make my favorites just casue i did't want to give them up. well now i've had a taste of the thin side. so while i might not totally lose the extra that i've gained. i will continue to work at it. i think that means we are normal now. thats what normal skinny people do. thats what my beautiful daughter size 2 does. she's short and fits her weight perfectly. she eats healthy and excersizes everyday. i use her as my mentor but she doens't know it! only 3 more months to go for our 3rd anniversary/birthday!!!!! hurray for us!!!!!

Hey Reenie, I agree, there is some days I don't feel like I ever had this surgery & I can eat anything & all things. Than other days I eat just a little of something & it comes back. I don't have a clue why it changes from one day to the next. I am deealing with the menopause phase of my life, so I blame a lot of it on hormones. I also think it has to do with the 3 yr out syndrome & all those habits & hunger is coming back to our brains. I wish I had answers for you, You just have to fight those feelings and keep fighting on making good choices on your foods & stay away from the junk. I also was wondering about Ken & Mikie they have been very quiet for this new Year!! Mike Ken where & how are you?? Take care Reenie & start writing, it does help. Marilyn, the Bearlady

Hi Reenie! I have three suggestions that might help you! First, concentrate on eating dense foods instead of soft foods. They will fill you up much faster and stay with you longer. Second, plan your meals and snacks ahead of time instead of being a Monday morning quarterback. Make a list of "safe" Soft foods, Crunchy Foods, Sweet foods, Salty foods and filling foods. Then, when you get a craving, pull out your list and find something safe to snack on. For me, safe soft (not a problem!) is fat free yogert. Crunchy is dill pickles or baby carrots dipped in low fat ranch dressing. Sweet is decaf coffee international vanilla with whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkled on top, salty is beef jerky or the dill pickles. Filling is chicken. Third, and you aren't going to like this one, is get an Rx for Prozac. I am 53 and fought taking it for a long time but menopause got the best of me. I take a very low dose. It calmed me down, made my moods more even, reduced the hot flashes and made me a much happier person so I eat less. My weight has been under good control since I have taken it. It takes the "emotion" out of grazing and stops a lot of that type of destructive behavior. Other antidepressants do not work the same as Prozac since it also treats obsessive compulsive disorders which is so common with WLSers. I don't know if any of this helps, but remember we are here for you! Keep us posted! Hugs, Karen

First: DON'T PANIC. You are doing the right thing - you sent an S.O.S. It's nice to have people you trust to ask for help. Second: DON'T PANIC, breathe again. Third: Go for a walk. Go for a long walk. Go to a park where there is a stream of some sort so that all you hear is the water, and walk along it for AT LEAST thirty minutes and just breathe, and be mentally still. After you do that you will not be able to help but feel a little bit better, a little bit of that "it will be ok" feeling. I did this on New Year's Day and now that I'm thinking about it, I want to go back really bad. I'm a person of extremes. First I would get TOO upset over weight gain, too self-castigating, too judging .... and then I would get to the point where my self-treatment is so harsh, I'd get to say, F-it, I don't care, throw in the towel, let it go, it doesn't matter, I'm **** poor excuse for a huming being with no self control, no worth and no value anyway, may as well. Stay off the cycle baby. Get some center, get some grounding. Unclench your shoulders and neck. Seriously, right now - relax your shoulders down, loosen up your neck. You are beautiful. You're beautiful right now, you were beautiful eight pounds ago, and you'll be beautiful in between, which is where you are going to land. Go for more walks. I know it's not hardcore aerobics, I know the calorie burn is not super - but if you're walking, you're not eating, and you're also not exposing yourself to negative interactions at the house. It's a triple word score. Go for more walks for your (mental) health and your (physical) health will also come back in line. Do journal your food - it's important to be honest and objective - and it's important to be honest and objective both ways.. not just in the normal way we think of it, where you had three hershey's kisses and then beat yourself up about whether or not your record them.. it's important also because an honest record can also show you that you are doing things right, as well. Look at the raw carrots you had! Look at your water intake! You do treat yourself well at least some of the time, focus on that and focus on growing the slices of your pie chart that are self-nurturing instead of self-defeating. WE LOVE YOU REENIE Jen

Jen, you and me, NYC, asap. I want to meet you. I have a feeling we'll talk for three days non-stop. I get you. Thanks for this post. The only time I feel whole and healthy these days is when I'm byself, outside, working out - which I do nearly every day. What do you say to my NYC idea? Tell me when and where. M.