Comparison Shock & Wakeup Call!!

Hi There So I am Wally World for work today & playing greeter instead of cashier as still short handed. This women walks in a says Hi Marilyn How are you?? Fine, I say, then she says you don't recognize me do you? Well no actually I don't. This woman turns out to be someone who had WLS after Me & was also bigger than I was before surgury. I no we are not suppose to compare other people to ourselves, but, this womam is down to probably a size 6 & has done extremely well. Here I sit with trying to still even make it to my goal or even close. What really ticked me off, is she also had my Doctor. So Now I am thinking that I am the failure & that the reasons are all my fault. I also no she had big time problems in the beginning and almost died. I am sure that has something to do with the reason she is so much smaller than I am, but, it still makes me a little angry. I guess It is just one of those things that always will. In my mind I no we ae all different & everyone of are different in how we react to food & everything we do since WLS. Just needed to vent a little frustration out of my system. It gives me a big wake-up call to look at what I am doing wrong & see how much of it I can change. Thanks for letting me let off some of the steam. I feel better now!!! Marilyn, the Bearlady

Your not a failure! I know exactly how you feel. Its hard not to compare ourselves to others. When we were heavy we knew who was bigger or smaller than us. I dont' know about you but when I was bigger and I would see someone bigger I'd feel alittle bit better like maybe I wasn't so bad cause there was someone worse off than me. Please don't feel poorly about me for saying that but I'm being honest. Now I try to compare myself to others becasuse my head still hasn't caught up to how I look now. So if I'm in a ladies room and someone is standing next to me in front of those big mirrors while we are washing our hands I'm out of the corner of my eye checking to see how I compare to them! These poor people probalby think I'm so kind of wacko!!! Ok so maybe they might be right in a way hahaha but then I think I can not be the only person out there who does this! hahaha Is it any different if we should either before WLS or after WLS see someone in the same outfit and want to see how it fits them compared to us? If it looks good on them I want to see if it looks as good on me. Silly stuff isn't it? I also understand because there has been several people who I work with who have had the surgery either before or after me. Now keep in mind these are my friends. These are people who I care about and have supported me all through this journey. But honestly if I look at them I see differences and I think they'd agree based on conversations that we have all had together. My friend who had the surgery before me was extremely heavy she now wears a size 6. Another friend who had the surgery after me again was extremely heavy and now wears a size 6 maybe is ready for a 4! She had TT and looks fabulous. I am taller than both of them and still wearing a size 10. I didn't have as much to lose as they did they have lost more. A tremondous amount of weight probably close to 200 each or more on the one before me. While I am glad for them I've also got a taste of the green eyed monster. I'm jealous because I want to be a size 6! Theres nothing I can do more than what I am doing now to get there. I've lost my 120 pounds and keep trying to lose more but who am I to complain? I have done great! I might not be at my goal but I am normal sized now and feel fantastic. I've added years to my life. My health is better than its ever been in a million years! I'm sure if I had the TT I'd be that size 6 but I haven't looked hard enough for the money for it. One of the reasons is that I feel since I am now 54 and have had 3 children that my body isn't suppose to be perfect. The other reason is I just do not have the money. Maybe they aren't so much reasons why I've not had the surgery but reasons why I can't! I have been blessed with my height so I don't have overhang on my tummy its just soft and squishy! More excersize would help that. So there is one thing to add to my list for the New Year! My upper thighs are nasty but who cares! If I do that comparison thingy at the beach...which is the only place you'd know the difference...there sure are alot of others out there who have the same problem. My upper arms are flappy. Who's aren't? My always skinny friends at the same age have the same problem! Please know I am comparing to myself to peole who are the same or close to me in size before and after. There is always someone out there who is different than us. I know peolple who have had amazing results with their surgerys to improve the after and have done fantastic! When I saw Reenies arms I was so impressed! My friend at work who had her TT just looks unbelieveabley wonderful! I guess Marilyn what I'm trying to say is that we always do comparisons of ourselves with others I think its normal. You have done so wonderful. Isn't it hard to believe were we are now compared to almost 3 years ago? I hope you have a wonderful holiday. good luck and god bless Pam

opps...did i say how jealous i was of them both after doing the comparison??? hehehe I want to be as skinny as them! I think I dress better than either of them hahaha take a peek and compare the differences and find what is better about you compared to them! I bet your eyes are prettier! your hair looks nicer! you have a better sense of humor! hugs!

I too get comparision shock and some times it is ok and other times i want to scream OH SHUT UP ALREADY!!! I wanted to post a reply to the "blending" in post too! so this is a reply to both! My sister who is 10 older than I also had surgery about 8 months before I did. We had the same doctor. She is barely 5 feet tall (if she has big hair that day@@) I am 5'6" almost 5'7" so you are getting the picutre I ALWAYS look like the giant standing next to her right?? so anyway everyone compares us and our surgery results. She lost like 145 pounds at least! She is teeny tiny weighing in now right around 100 pounds. She is a complete food freak now...will not eat anthing that she didn't make, will not even eat at a restaurant because the salad dressing probably isn't even fat free anyway, they probably dip their grilled chicken in butter and then grill it...ya get teh point right?? She eats 3-4 protien bars a day, those are her main meals. She takes a ridiculous amount of viramins, all the regular ones and others that help in fat removal. She has had 2 tt, thigh lfts, arms done and is scheduling her breast lift and back/3rd tt. I am taller and heavier than her so of course I have to hear how my surgery didn't work as well as hers did it?? Why don't I work out like she does? she does a 2 1/2 hour work out every day. NO MATTER WHAT! NO MATTER WHAT! My mom told us she had cancer and was going to Madison for some stuff and she complained all the way up there becasue she wouldn't get to work out that day... I nearly threw her ass out the car door! so of course I am a failure. when I got really sick this summer and lost 20 pounds then gained it back it all went to my butt and thighs so I AM bigger than I was but I know this and I am working on it, but she has to tell me all the time how much weight have you gained? why don't you work out? She doesn't get it. I did this to be "normal" to blend in, to not be the freak! My kids make cookies, cakes and present them too me I eat a bit of it and rave about how good it is, she won't even do that. She says not usually so nicely, I DON"T eat that kind of stuff YOU know that and YOUR mom shouldn't EITHER! My 6 year old nearly cried. She made sugar free, whole wheat flour, carob chip cookies, she could have taken a bite or at least been nice about it!@@ I have just decided that if I am happy with myself and what my surgery allowed me to now do and the way that I can now live my life then THE HELL WITH all the rest! I just say i don't want to talk about working out, want to hear about what the kids and I did last weekend? what did you do with your daughter?? oh thats right you had to work out and everything else takes priority to her, one day you will realize that wasn't how you wanted to live your life! I think as long as you compare honestly, and you know the reasons/justifications/rarionale that you use true or not true and if you use it too spur yourself on instead of attaching it to your back like another dead weight, you can compare safely! If not...look away! DON"T do it!!!!!!! what a rant! sorry! nic 291/180 and falling!

See? We are as normal as the next person! everyone compares. Look at Nic's sister? She's comparing as much as Nic is. My sister compares too! My sister didn't have the surgery. my sister is smarter, makes more money, did all the traveling I've dreamed about, taught herself how to play the piano, guitar, and banjo and she plays them very very very good. she is perfect. she was always the "smaller" one even though she was big. She compared us back then along with our mom. Now she compares us still but there is a difference. Before when she compared she was number one in just about everything. I had to keep quiet about it cause then I would be complaining! but now...O I'm feeling so very quilty about even thinking this!!!!!...but nowwwww when she compares.....I'M THE SKINNY ONE! O I am so very bad. I love my sister. I wish I could be all the htings that she is that I'm not. But I like being the skinny one now. Blending is good. For years I was invisible which was bad. blending is good. I'm not invisible and I can show up when I want to but my favorite is to blend.

Pam yes blending is good! that is my new mantra...I can blend, I can blend...just call me a chameleon! LOL nic