Meal time Dating surgery

I met a nice guy who asked me out to breakfast. We met at 8am at a neat place. I rarely just volunteer surgery information unless the subject comes up. We sat and ordered and were having a great conversation. He was telling me about his ex wife's family. In perticular a sister in law who had the surgery. While he didn't talk badly about these people I did get from the conversation that this one person was not his favorite. Body language tells alot about what someone is thinking. I can't always tell but some hints are hard to miss! At this point we had started and were pretty much to the end of eating. I had a great cheese omelette that came with bacon, home fries and a toasted bagel. Come to find out the ex sister in law had had the surgery. I got the impression that he wasn't against the surgery but was more against the ex sister in law. STill he didn't talk badly about the person. That I liked. Anyways he made a comment that people who havne't had the need or knowledge about this surgery usually make when they do not know that you are "one of those". How can they tell? its not like we wear a scarlett S on our tee shirts. Now we blend. its nice to blend. I like blending. But. I am thankful especailly this holiday season, Thankful for the surgery that I have had. I told him that I was one of those people who had the surgery. I told him all about the weight that I lost. My life past and my life present. I told him that as much as we enjoy each others company now I don't know if he would have had the time or even noticed me before. I dont' judge people by that becasue how could they know from the past if thats the case? I'm jsut pretty sure based on past experience what the outcome would have been. I said what I had to say not with an attitude but just honestly. then waited to see what he would say. if he was against the surgery would he still pay for breakfast? hahaha I didn't eat the whole thing! I just could't they make too much. I ate only a 1/4 of a piece of toast. Weekends thats my treat. Only had one string of bacon. no homefries. Ok only one piece. The omelette I had about 1/4 of it. It was BIG. Tastey too! Would he all of a sudden look at me and see that I was really fat? Sometimes that happens when you tell people. They stare at you like all of a sudden they can see the extra 125 pounds that you use to carry. All of a sudden you don't blend anymore! But he listened. Imagine that! Our converstation went even better after that. We went on a 2nd date a week later and we're going to dinner this week. He seems like a nice guy. But this posting isn't so much about him and dating and surgery. Its about dating in general and surgery. Anyone else come across this in their life? I've just started dating again after the break up of me and my ex finance. He had been through all of the surgery stuff with me so it wasn't something that we had to talk about like when you first meet someone. I'm curious if anyone else has gone through this? The surgery is and was such a big part of my life just like having had that extra weight. Its not something that I want to ignore or make believe didn't happen. Its something I live with every day. I"m proud of having had the surgery. I'm proud of the success that I've had. Im proud of how hard I now work to stay right were I am and I'm proud of maintaining. YOu know if I hadn't had the surgery I wouldn't be dating like I am. Oh I'm not out there every single weekend on a date but now when I go to singles dances or am out in groups I get asked to dance. I have been givin telephone numbers. I'm noticed. This is something I'm totally not use to. Sure I dated when I was heavy but not each month. They were dates set up by friends or family. Or someone that I went out and chased until they noticed that I was cute and funny. its very different now dating for me. Now I'm weeding out the ones who aren't intereseted in getting to really know me. Odd but I feel like I have some choices or maybe its a power trip! If I had a tee shirt with a big old S on it now it would be for super woman!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA So on thanksgiving when I said my prayer not only was I thankful for my family, pets, a good job, good friends, a nice home, but i was thankful for how far aways that I've come, my surgery, my pouch. my invisiable friend. I blend.

Good for you pammy on the dating. I can't even seem to get a date lately so it must be me. I always thought I was a great person to be around, but, maybe not!! I am not much help on the subject but I thinik you did the right thing by telling your story to him & hope it works out for you!! I sure would like to try the date thing before I actually make the move back with my Ex. ( having 2nd thoughts about that) Maybe just the Devil playing games. We'll See!! Marilyn, the Bearlady

Dating is such a pain in the neck! I think we are the same age. I'm going to be 54 in another couple of weeks. it was hard when I was a teenager its not that much different now. Do you get out Marilyn? I go to a church support singles group on friday nights, a single/breakup support group on tuesday nights, and a singles dance on sundays. i am lonely so i get out. i don't do those things each tuesday, friday or sunday nights but i do go to all of them at least 2 to 3 weeks out of the month. I want to meet someone but its got to be the right someone. They aren't knocking on my door saying hello pammy your cute wanna go for coffee? hahaha so I make myself get out there. Even if I don't meet anyone I'm not lonely and I'm talking to people and dancing when I get the chance. while i love my little animals they dont' talk back to me! except for the bird but they only say the same thing over and over again! hahaha take care! think hard about going back. Only do it if you feel 100% that its going to work. Its better to be alone and lonely than to be someone and lonely and unhappy. good luck and god bless, pammy

I don't get out & that is the problem!! I no they don't come knockin on doors. I was going to church on Wed & Sun Now it is just Wed until I get my Sundays off again or start later. I am going to check & fine out when our church singles meet. I think since the Pastor gt hurt it kind of fizzled out. Thanks for the vote of confedence. Yes I am 52 will be 53 in 2 weeks. 12/11 so I no what you are feeling at this point. I no there must be someone out there that will take me & my teddybears & love me for who I am & not because I can clean & wash clothes if you no what I am saying, here. Marilyn, the Bearlady

i'm just sending hugs to you....do what is right for YOU and the bears!

Queen of Dating here.... I dated a lot when I was heavy and after surgery. They say that it takes an average of 13 first dates before you find someone that you really want to go on a second date with. My criteria for a second date was whether or not I thought, "I could be home painting a room instead of here." If I found myself wishing that I was working on the house instead of talking to the guy, I knew the relationship was doomed. I don't walk in the door, stick out my hand and say, "Hi, I'm Connie and I used to weigh 286 pounds", but I'm very honest about having had surgery. I'm also pickier about who I date for different reasons than before. I'm really careful about not going out with people who will not support my eating habits. Before I decided to stick with The Man, I had some serious issues with him constantly offering me sodas and things he knew I wouldn't eat. He's a chunky guy himself so I thought he was trying to take me back to the dark side. It's not that he wants me on the dark side, it's that he has CRS (Can't Remember ****). It has taken him a year to remember that it's pointless to offer me soda. He can remember the height, weight, tattoos and dental pattern of someone he arrested 20 years ago, but he can't remember that I don't drink soda. Yeesh. Anyway..... I digress.... I dated a guy who had wls and gained back 100 of the 150 pounds he lost. After one date, I knew for sure that he was trying to entice me back to the fat club along with him. "C'mon, a few chips aren't going to hurt you." "Get your coffee with cream instead of skim milk, it tastes better and there aren't that many calories." It's a tough dating world out there, but you need to make sure that the man you find is going to support you in staying healthy. Don't settle for someone who doesn't have your best interest at heart. Oh yeah, find someone who will let you eat off their plate! Connie

Pam, I'm glad you've met a nice guy and I hope things continue to go well for you. Many years ago, I used to smoke about a pack and a half a day. Now, I am a vigelanti anti-smoking advocate; today, I consider myself a NON-smoker, not an EX-smoker. I relate this to my surgery and very hard daily work toward maintenance. I am trying to live my life as a NORMAL sized person, not as a formally MORBIDLY OBESE person. It's damned hard. But for me, if I focus on the benefits and joys of healthy living, enjoying healthy foods and how wonderful it feels after a good, hard workout, I'm more able to feel normal and in control of my choices. Surgery was certainly the catalyst for my being able to lose the weight and adopt a more healthy lifestyle, something I've never been able to do before. But the work is my own. If I had not done the work (and continue to struggle every day) during my first year as a post-op, I am firmly convinced that I'd be gaining the weight back now, quickly. I'm sure I'd be well over 200 lbs. again by now and moving toward the 300's, like a runaway train. So, I chose to say I am normal-sized, rather than formerly morbidly obese. Just like I chose to say I am a non-smoker, rather than an ex-smoker. Self-perception is so important. I will never deny the surgery and I will always be grateful that I made the choice to pursue it. My choice, my work, then and now. And it's damned, damned hard work every day. Thanks for the great post, I'm interested in seeing other responses. M.