Journaling/Big Decision/Thanks

Hi All O.K after all my stress induced week & past year I took the advice of Many people including my mother & started writing thoughts, complaints, & so forth. It does work & help the mind!! I no I am a little slow & my mother has been telling me this for years. So what this has done is I have decided over the past couple of days is I am going to go back with my Ex boyfriend. Yup, I am the one that said it would never happen. Will guess what, the problems I was running away from were not all his, some were mine & together we are going to get the counseling we both need to help not only our realtionship but to help ourselves as well. We sat down & had a very long talk yesterday, which was the biggest problem before. ( we would not do that before) He has already starte the 12 step addiction class that is held at our Church & I did not even know it till yesteday. He knows I can verify it & I already have & yes he has been goig for the past couple of weeks. He has a long road as I do! This is not going to be an overnight thing as I still have to give 30 days notice at my Apt & probably won't even do that till the 1st of Dec. So were are still looking at after the lst of the year! It will solve more than 1 of the problems. I will have my (our dogs) back & will not be alone. Since he is now talking marriage ( was not an option before, his thinking not mine ) I could go on his insurance & would solve the other problem. Even if I don't go Full time at Walmart or find another job. I am still looking for another job, but most likely any new job will have a waiting period for benefits as well. I have been running from a lot of things & until recently did not know was running from stuff that happened 35 years ago. It is certainly time (with the counseling) to finally let it go for good & hopefully strengthen not only myself, but the relationship with Lowell (boyfriend). He is willing to get counseling for his addiction for the alcohol & I believe he will. (arleady started) that is a step that I did not think he would ever take. I thank all of you for the support you give to all who are apart of this group . We all have issues of some kind to deal with that what most likely caused us to have the surgery in the first place. Unfortuneatly, we don't always deal with those issues before the surgery & when the food isn't there (or suppose to be) we find a different way of coping or not coping as the saying goes. This is a big decision for me, but, did praying, & journaling & feel that it is what is suppose to happen. I truly believe it is Gods hands that is putting us back together, therefore, I believe it is the right thing to do at this point. Sorry this got so long & hope I havent' bored you too much, just needed to vent a little & pass along what I have been pondering over the past couple of days. A big cloud has been lifted since I made the decision to go back with him, so that also makes me believe that it is the right thing to do. As Reenie told me yesterday it will take work, but, I am willing to do that. We were together for 7 years not as long as Some marriages have been, but, we are willing to give it one more shot before the towell is completely thrown in!! Thanks Again for being here!! LOL Marilyn, the Bearlady I will most likely not make a couple of my friends happy about this, but it is my decision & I still have to live with ME MYSELF & I. They don't. Take Care & hope all Former & current Veterans & family of Veterans have a wonderful Day!!

marilyn...don't worry about making your friends happy or not--you, my dear lady, are the ONE who needs to know that this is right. when i first read your thoughts about returning to the ex the other day i had reservations- from reading that he has already started the 12 step i am encouraged- i know ppl can fall off that wagon-same as we can with our food addictions....however; i feel that you two have a better foundation this time around--just so you are doing this for the right reasons--and i think that you are thinking it thru more rationally-and if giving yourself even til dec 1st helps-that is good- 1st of the year is better- the holidays can bring out such emotions and possibly haste in doing things-caught up in the moment! you finally have given the ex a name and so that is encouraging to let us know abit more about lowell...and i never realized that you two had been together 7 years!! wow!!! i still find my self journalling-not as often or faithfully as i would like--and i journal the good too!count your blessings!! and thank you for sharing!! now--go stand on that red line and smile the wal*mart smile

Thanks Margo I have been living by myself for about 7 months now & my life sure hasn't been made any better for it!! So all-in all I thinit is the right thing to do & yes talking is more than we did before. I was changing along with the weight loss & never dealt with any of that just made him the problem when it was both of us. We have work, but as Reenie said I think it's worth the work!! Marilyn, the Bearlady

It sounds like you and your ex are committed to doing the work, Marilyn. I wish you both much success in your path together. It will be the hardest work you have ever done. Love, Reenie

Hi Marilyn; You must do what's right for you. A true friend should be allowed to voice an opinion, but then support you in your decision or at least shut up about it. I hope that things work out for you. You're due for some good times. Mike

Thanks Reenie & Mike That friend is about 10 yrs older than I am & is not married at the moment either. She also does not know everything that has & is going on between us. So she will just have to GOI (get over it!!) that is my Pastor's favorite saying. It is my Life not hers. Have a good week! & Thanks for the vote of confidence Marilyn, the Bearlady

I know you have had a really tough year. This may very well be the right thing for you, and I am very encouraged by his willingness to commit to 12 step and by you both going to counselling. I encourage you to get into the counselling before you get back together. It is easier to make the changes you both need to make so that you can truly "Start Over" if you don't fall back into old negative habits first. Communication is a HUGE step in the right direction. Not only "talking nice" about pleasant things, but talking through the negative tough subjects in a constructive and respectful way. It is OK to disagree, but it is not OK to hold in your feelings out of fear of the other person's reaction. It takes a lot of courage over a long period of time to make yourself vulnerable and learn and earn trust. But it is so worth it. Like Reenie said, it takes hard work. I've been there--I AM there! Blessings... Joy