Mad/Frustrated/Confused!!!

Hi There I am so frustrated & confuse & oh yeah mad. I just came home from our local DES office (State Help) & they decided that since I work part-time at walmart & only make $7.40 hr I make too much money & have denied any benefits for food stamps or Insuracne. I don't really care about the darn food stamps, but the Insurance was the big thing, I won't get insurance with Walmart for at least 3 months even then if they keep me part time I might not even get it then. So now I have to pay for my scripts for blood pressure- anti-depressants- & now my diabetic drugs I was just put back on. I have $5 to my name & they think I make too much money. Because I am single & don't have 19 kids & am honest they won't give me crap, but anybody else that is a different color or abuse the systme get to have whatever they want. I see it everday!! Sorry for venting here, but if I don't I will wind up back in the hospital & that is not a good thing either. They actually think I can afford to pay for insurance on part-time work. They are tooo funny. O.K so I will try & get off my soap box for now & go cry in my beer & I don't even drink & try & get ready to go to work. It is at least Friday for me!! Thanks for letting me vent. If you did not get to the bottom of this. I can certainly understand if you did than You are probably thinking I am a crazy maniac. I tell you what I can sure see why some people take actions sometime that you would not expect. I did not do that, but, sure thought about it. Try & have a nice rest of your week & I will too!! Love you all!! Even though today it may not sound like it!! Marilyn, the Bearlady

Marilyn, I understand venting and I hear your frustration, but I'm going to tell it to you straight. I've worked for the state for 24 years and twenty of those years have been at DES. I'm responsible for many of their computer systems and I've been the person on the front line doing the interviewing for food stamps and medical assistance. Color has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you get assistance, nor does ethnicity, religion or size. What ultimately determines whether or not you get assistance are the State and Federal Government. The regulations for assistance are mandated by legislative decision so I hope you voted today. Those who are another color or abuse the system do not get to have whatever they want. There are investigators out there everyday and very few get away with cheating forever. I know this because I did investigations for 10 years and helped put plenty of people in jail and cut off the assistance of hundreds of others. Unless you have a disability that prevents you from working, there really aren't many assistance programs that will help an otherwise healthy adult, no matter what color they are. What are out there are some programs for employment assistance. https://www.arizonavirtualonestop.com/ Another form of assistance is the governor's Copper Card that might help with the cost of prescriptions. http://azgovernor.gov/coppercard/ You may be able to find a church or other community organization that can help you at http://www.az211.gov/ I remember before that you were going to look for full-time employment or another part-time job. What's happening with that? Any luck? Connie

Hi Connie I know you work for the state & this was not directed at you just the darn system. I don't feel that part-time should disqualify me for Insurance. I am sorry, but, that is all I want at this point. As for a full time job I have not found one yet. Wal-mart is suppose to be making me full time, but, that has not officially happened yet. Because of my unstable year that I have had with Jobs nobody wants to take a chance on me apparently. It will be another 3 months before & if I even get insurance with walmart. The only thing I was given today was a # to call Kids care & since I don't have kids they would not even talk to me. The gal that was my interviewer did not know who else I could talk to. Believe me if I had any other work option at the moment I would take them. I am not stupid or lazy, but this has been a horrible year & I am just about to throw it all away. I can certainly understand why my brother ended his life. It just sucks sometimes. I am so tired of having to fight for anything & I should not have to, but will probaly have to move home to my mothers for awhile just to survive. You think I want to do that, no, but I may have no choice. My church has helped me so much already I don't dare ask for much more from them. I did not want to offend you or anyone in this venting, but, I could not keep it inside. Yes, I am crying again. These damn hormoes don't help one little bit. I am just barely hangin on as it is & with now having to pay for my Doctors & drugs It will put me under for sure. Thanks for the # I will check them out & see if they will help, but, Most likely will come up on the same thing. I also figured out this week that for 35 years I have been blaming myself for my Father Dying when I was 17 yrs old. I had nothing to do with it or could have done anything to stop it, but, that is part of the reason I have had such a hard time with depression & life in General. Sorry started Rambling Again! I sure hope you don't hate me for any of this!! It was a really bad day & I'm Sorry!! Marilyn, the Bearlady

Marilyn, I didn't take anything personally and I know that you're frustrated. You've had a rough year and have had a lot to deal with. You're right, you're not stupid or lazy so you'll survive this. Sometimes you just have to put on your big girl panties and get on with it. Check the Copper Card link that I gave you and see if that will help with the cost of prescriptions. Also check the AZ211 website and call one of the help lines to talk to a counselor. Don't make any decisions or take any actions until you have talked to a counselor. Things usually happen for a reason and maybe you are meant to move back in with your mother. Look at it as an opportunity for bonding at the end of her life. You're strong and you've been through worse. You'll survive this. Hugs, Connie

Marilyn I know your upset I know your scared I know its not easy and your mad too. I know its easy to blame people who's fault it is not that your in this bad time. Listen to Connie because she knows what she is talking about. make the calls to the people she has suggested they might be able to help you. Keep working at Walmart but keep looking at the same time for something else. Dont keep those eggs all in one basket. Don't give up. I have to say at first I was upset by your comment about people of color. I know by now you are probably regretting even thinking it let alone typeing it. Know that you are forgiven for tht comment by me and please continue to move ahead continue to do the right things for you and it will all work out. one of my dearest friends is of color. She is the hardest working person I know. She works swing shifts and not at anyplace fancy or anywhere where she makes a ton of money and has two kids. She makes it to their football, baseball, and school events. She is tired when she comes home at night but keeps going. She owns a home. Then my ex's sister who is white hasn't worked in over 4 years. lives with her two children with each of her family members until they get sick of her not paying a dime towards her or her childrens living expenses. This woman had a very good job but left it after 10 years with the company becasue she got mad at her boss. At least thats the story we heard, Her husband also white is a drug abuser and doens't work either. He lives with his family and visits his wife and children on the weekends with what ever family member is helping her at the time. He doesn't contribute money. Last year she worked for 3 weeks at a dunkin donuts 40 hours a week. They were willing to work with her becasue she wanted to be home with her kids when they got off the buss. But she wans't willing to work. she didn't want to work 30 or 40 hours. She said her time was worth more then min wage and she felt that the state should give that to her. Then she got preganant. And didnt' want to work casue she was tired. At that point she had rotated the family members so was on the 2nd rotation and living with the first people again. Now the baby is 3 months old and she doesn't want to work becasue she wants to stay home with the baby. I worked when my kids were little. I worked to give then what she will get for free. She just doesn't want to work. so when this one grows older and is in school will she have another? then another? dont get me wrong she is a good person inside. a good mother. she would't rob a store or abuse her kids. but wha is she teaching them? At some point I'm sure that she will have made it that none of her family members will take her in or they will conitnue with the rotation. There are alot of storys out there for each side I'm only saying what I've seen. It doesn't matter color wize its whats driving them inside. You've done so very good I know this past year was terrible foryou but I know you can over come that. Youv'e made such good choices for you and will do it again. good luck and god bless, Pammy

Dear Pam I am soory that I offended anyone here on this board. I know you & Connie are correct that every situation is different, however, I know there is a lot of abuse going on right here in our town. I also live in a low-income housing project here in Bullhead City & see the abuse everyday. So don't tell me there is none. Yes, there is!! & they are able to get away with it maybe not forever, but, it does happen. Yes I am angry I have tried to get a full time job or even another job, but with walmart jumping hours around you can't even do that as they are not the same ever & that makes it very hard to find something else. I work whatever they want me too & am there everyday, so I am hopeful that with this season coming I will get the full-time hours & be able to transfer to San Diego thru the system. I will calm down & like I said Sorry for offending anyone on this board or even just lurking it was not my intention. Had to Vent & will disappear for awhile. That will make everybody happy, I guess!! Enough said!! Marilyn, the Bearlady

marilyn...i am hearimg some things from you crying for help--i am not even gonna say anything about your words- i will say taht i have a son very much like pam's sister and it is a disappointment to me taht he is like that-- what i will say is taht i worked for walmart and would again -except taht they promise full time and usually don't come thru--so do not put all of your eggs in taht basket! do keep looking...can you pick up an odd job cleaning or something? it's not really a bad thing to do...or register with a temp agency? or a factory job? again--i am hearing a cry for help-i hope that you will call those numbers connie gave-talk to a counselor-talk and listen...you don't have to disappear-all or nothing thinking doesn't help matters--please try to chin up!!!

Hi Margo That is the problem with getting another job is that my hours are always bouncing & can't tell someone when I would be available to work. I never get the same hours 2 weeks in a row. As for help i am talking to our local Mental Health clinic tomorrow to see what they are able to do. I have worked all my life & never had to ask for help in surviving & it has not been easy to have to do that. I am still angry that the systme won't work for me, but, I will have to live with their decision at this time. As for Medical I will just have to pray that it all works out in the long run. Thanks for the support. I am better tonight!! Just got hme from Church & that always helps my attitude. I do need mental help & have for a long time probably 35 years. Just didn't know it till this year. Marilyn, the Bearlady

i understand very well the idea of needing help -mentally and emotionally- and this past year -well 6 mos--has really shown me just how much I need as well....and that, marilyn, is a good part of the battle- admitting taht you need it....yes; you HAVE worked hard and YES it IS hard to ask for help ....but it is out there..... i'm glad that you felt better last nite- i have that copy sitting here to mail to you- will try to get it out this weekend-sorry for my delay! keep your faith in God.....i use the Serenity prayer myself.... hugs from ohio

Marilyn, I hear your fear and pain! I'm so thankful that we have a loving place here where we can dump our fears and anger and still be loved. And you are loved, Girl! My nature is to want to fix things for people--I freely admit that I do not know how to fix any of this for you. I understand your anger at the situation you are in, and agree that people that are doing what they can for themselves, deserve a hand in helping themselves. Do not give in to despair. This is a temporary road block--you will get through this time. There are some church-run clinics in my area which help people in your situation with needed medications. I don't know how to find them in your area, but I bet they exist. I will be praying for you, that you will connect with someone that will help you through this period. Keep your eyes open for a different job opportunity or a new source of assistance... Keep posting. Love you! Joy