Trying to be Kind to My Brain

Yesterday morning on the way to work the thought of running through the McDonald's drive through and getting hash browns crossed my mind. As soon as the thought hit the front of my brain, I dismissed it. Not a good food choice. It was then that I realized that I hadn't eaten McDonald's hash browns in years. I haven't eaten a McGriddle since before surgery and pre-surgery I would have gladly traded my son for a sausage McGriddle. Not my dog, but certainly my son. I love hash browns. I dream of hash browns. I don't eat hash browns. This started me thinking.... How many times a day do I think about eating something that is not so healthy and immediately dismiss the thought without realizing it? Right outside my office, the secretary has a display of cookies, chips, candy bars and other snacks for sale. I want the chips and cookies and candy bars, but I always buy a little packet of peanuts and then beat myself up for eating the peanuts. Why aren't I congratulating myself for making the wiser food choice instead of chastising myself for being weak and giving in to temptation? On my way home from shopping this morning the thought of running through the KFC drive through for fried chicken flew through my brain and was immediately dismissed for Asian chicken wraps made at home. It was automatic, without a lot of thought, taking less than a fraction of a second to run through my head. I don't know the last time I ate fried chicken. OK, I'm not counting chicken nuggets. How many times have I dismissed the thought of eating fried chicken in the last few years? After eating the Asian chicken at home, I chide myself for eating the whole serving instead of saving some for later. I don't recognize the very wise choice I made earlier when I decided not to go to KFC and that even a whole serving of Asian chicken is much better than a little fried KFC. Somewhere along this journey, I started making wise choices without realizing it. Pre-surgery, I would have never dismissed the thought of hashbrowns, McGriddles, fried chicken, cookies.... I would have run over old women with walkers in the crosswalk to turn into the drive through. I don't know when, but I just started processing wiser food choices without giving it a lot of thought. I'm betting that hundreds of times a month I make wise food choices and don't even recognize it. I bet we're all doing better than we think we are. We've all said that they operated on our stomachs and not our heads. Maybe, just maybe, there's a head transformation taking place anyway and we just don't recognize it for what it is. Hugs, Connie

You are so right, Connie! I certainly find myself making better food choices these days. I think that the reason we didn't notice the "head transformation" is that it has been a gradual and somewhat painful process. There certainly have been lots of potholes.....make that "Tank Traps" on that particular road for me. I still don't always make the best choice, but in general, I make better choices than I once did and there's a lot to be said for that. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will the new Me!! Mike

Hi Connie, Girl yep...your nuts ... for chastizing yourself for eating those REALLY good food choices. You are definitely doing better than you think. I don't dismiss like you do. I wish I did. You will have to be my inspiration See I have had kfc. Unfortuanately...although I don't eat as much as I use to...shoot even partially as much which is good but its still a bad food choice. Had a mcgriddle before too... It will always be super hard for me. But yeah...we never had surgery on our heads. I use to dismiss. I don't remember the exact time I gave in to the tempation but I wish I never did. So you hang in there and keep up the great work. Keep dismissing because you know what...those foods really aren't worth the time or effort...they are just bad for us ((hugs)) Elizabeth M

some days i can dismiss and others- well- don't get in my way!!!! this is a tuff spot for all of us....we need to continue to stick together!

Elizabeth!!!!! I haven't written yet to tell you congratulations. I'm really excited for you. I'd bet that if you really stopped and paid attention, you'll find that you're making better choices than you think and certainly better choices than you were pre-surgery. I think we're all doing better than we think we are. And make no mistake, this girl's no saint. I make just as many poor food choices as anyone. You should have seen all the Cheez-Its I ate on the boat yesterday. I just don't think we give ourselves enough credit for the good choices that we do make. Hugs, Connie

i do the beat myself up thingy for taking a "smarter" choice than kfc but not taking the "smartest" choce of non-kfc. does that make sense??? today i'm going to really notice the bad things that i am passing up without even noticing that i'm doing it. i'm curious just how much my head is doing the job now instead of the pouch. my daughter and i had a talk one shopping day about how the pouch lets me know what is a bad choice. we discussed how we both love hot fudge but then i said i love hot fudge but the pouch (it is its own entity) doesn't like hot fudge and the pouch lets me know just how much it doenst like hot fudge. first its in the mouth and the mouth is saying yummmmmmm then it slides down into the pouch and the pouch goes YUCK then the colon gets into the whole deal and goes whhoosh. there are some other things that the pouch likes but the colon doesn't. popcorn. i love popcorn. i was thrilled that the pouch likes popcorn too. but that stupid colon hates popcorn. so now the brain has kicked in and says hot fudge oh yeah we love it but we love the pouch more. the colon isnt on our friends list.

Pammie, You crack me up. I think my colon loves everything. It must because it doesn't let go of anything willingly. Hugs, Connie

Hey Connie I agree with you on this one. After my clean-out the night before the colonoscopy (I thought) the Doc had enough nerve to say I wasn't cleaned out enough. So I guess mine holds on to a lot that I didn't know about. Marilyn, the Bearlady

Since I first read your post a few days ago I've noticed just how many times I make good choices. Without even trying! I didn't realize just how many times my brain is now trained to do that. who knew? I made me feel better. For a while now I've gotten back into the thoughts of how "bad" I am. Dieting was never easy and even with the surgery I've always had this thought of how terrible I'm doing. I'm not doing bad at all! Oh sure now and then I might sample something thats not quite right but for the most part I'm GOOD! Isn't it funny how the old habits can come back but what really amazes me is that the old thoughts even without the old habits came running back into my head! My head keeps telling me how fat I am. Im not fat! Lord knows I'm not perfect but I'm not fat. I wonder how long the head is goign to take to catch up?

THIS is exactly why we're here for each other! I can get so looked in my feeble brain, I can't get out of my own way; then I come here and read something really inspiring and, whoosh, I'm moving forward in my life again, if not happily than certainly productively. Connie, this was a GREAT post! Thanks guys. M.