BEYOND PITY PARTY
Okay, I give. What I'm feeling right now goes far beyond a pity party. I feel the same desolute, lonely feeling of failure, the same feeling and equally intense as how I've felt any other time I've attempted to lose weight and failed. I am 1 month post-op today and I've lost 23 lbs. since my surgery. I have lost better on Weigh****chers. On Atkins. I know, I know, the theory is this will never come back but that's all it is, a theory. Has anyone seen pictures of Carney Wilson lately??? I just don't understand. I am only taking in between 400-600 calories a day. I'm walking. I'm drinking. I'm getting the protein in. In the meantime, I feel deprived of any normalcy when it comes to food -- enjoying a meal with my husband and kids can't happen. I have sat down at the table with them in a month. I can't stand this feeling of failure but, boy oh boy, if someone was gonna fail at this, it was surely to be me. Sorry for the downer message. I just don't know what to do anymore. Maureen
Reenie,
What phase are you in for foods? If you are inot yet n the solid stage, then you will be soon I'm sure. That will change things in terms of being able to eat with your family. I make chicken parmagian for my family and I just eat much less of it then they do. Same thing with pasta and meatballs. Instead of using real meatballs, I've been using vegie meatballs. When they are heated in the sauce they taste good. Fish is another meal that we eat together. I make a fish that I like and can tolerate. Then I take my portion and they devour the rest. Made with a vegie I can have, we are all satisfied and I feel normal. I do understand the feeling of not being normal, because it's how I felt before I started to modify my families menu to meet my needs.
As far as your weight loss - I know it can be discouraging - I don't feel as if I've lost all that much either, especially compared to what others are posting. But I am trying to focus on the fact that the loss is going to continue. It's typcially at the 25-30 lbs mark on those other diets that I start to fail. Well, I will not fail this time.
Try to find something each day to do for yourself, that is not weight loss related. Maybe that will help with the failure/depression feelings. It is all normal, because the hormone balance is different now and it takes awhile for the body to get used to it.
Take care and I'll be sending happy thoughts your way!
mgm
Maureen -
Boy - we certainly do change off in attitudes a lot, don't we? 
One day I'm down and you're shoring me up and the next it's the opposite.
Does it help to hear that so many of us have been going through the same feelings? I have to tell you - I went to support group last night and saw quite a range of people there. One lady had lost over a hundred pounds and was SOOOOO negative. She was really ******g off the moderator of the group (but she handled her well). This lady could only focus on the negative things that happened to other people...people who ended up in nursing homes etc. Then she starting complaining her weight was coming off so slowly, all the while she drank a 20 oz sugared Pepsi.
None of us said anything to her, but BOY did that speak volumes! She was still stinking losing weight while drinking pure corn syrup! What did I take from that? If SHE can continue to lose, albiet slowly, while drinking crap like that, then we really have nothing to worry about. We will be fine. We WILL lose it.
The thing about losing the weight on our own is that I certainly have done better on Atkins my first month out before, but the thing is the weight loss ALWAYS slows down drastically the 2nd and subsequent months. The true test isn't how much we lose in the month our bodies were traumatized, but in the following months as we continue to live our lives.
I earnestly believe this will work for me and you and everyone else who gives half a crap about it working. Doesn't mean I won't have another pity party in a month or so, but all the while I'm complaining, I'll be betting that the weight will be sneaking off my body and one day I'll wake up and realize I'm naked because all those clothes have fallen off me! 
I think the thing to realize is that we are programmed from years of dieting to gauge our early success on our long term success. But when has that ever gotten us anywhere anyway? We get neurotic when we diet on Atkins and WW too. We just are expecting it to happen because we've been down that road of failure so many times before. But as the months go by, I think we will start to ease up on our neuroses because it WILL be working for us.
As for not being able to eat with your family and enjoy meals - you will. You will be able to do so, and in 6 short months your pouch will expand to be about what mine started out as. And I can tell you that when that happens, you will be able to enjoy almost everything your family enjoys....and you won't feel deprived. That is one thing I'm thankful for with my 4 oz pouch is that I can have a hot dog, broccoli and mashed potatoes and enjoy every last bit of it and not want for more. I think I suffer less head hunger because of this, and I am thinking that as everyone's tiny pouches expand and relax, that they will find their head hunger diminishes as well. It's a theory, but I'm pretty sure it will help.
Hope that helps somewhat. And just remember - I need you to be bucking up for me so you can shore me up on my next pity party. 
Dina
One day I'm down and you're shoring me up and the next it's the opposite.
Does it help to hear that so many of us have been going through the same feelings? I have to tell you - I went to support group last night and saw quite a range of people there. One lady had lost over a hundred pounds and was SOOOOO negative. She was really ******g off the moderator of the group (but she handled her well). This lady could only focus on the negative things that happened to other people...people who ended up in nursing homes etc. Then she starting complaining her weight was coming off so slowly, all the while she drank a 20 oz sugared Pepsi.
None of us said anything to her, but BOY did that speak volumes! She was still stinking losing weight while drinking pure corn syrup! What did I take from that? If SHE can continue to lose, albiet slowly, while drinking crap like that, then we really have nothing to worry about. We will be fine. We WILL lose it.
The thing about losing the weight on our own is that I certainly have done better on Atkins my first month out before, but the thing is the weight loss ALWAYS slows down drastically the 2nd and subsequent months. The true test isn't how much we lose in the month our bodies were traumatized, but in the following months as we continue to live our lives.
I earnestly believe this will work for me and you and everyone else who gives half a crap about it working. Doesn't mean I won't have another pity party in a month or so, but all the while I'm complaining, I'll be betting that the weight will be sneaking off my body and one day I'll wake up and realize I'm naked because all those clothes have fallen off me!
I think the thing to realize is that we are programmed from years of dieting to gauge our early success on our long term success. But when has that ever gotten us anywhere anyway? We get neurotic when we diet on Atkins and WW too. We just are expecting it to happen because we've been down that road of failure so many times before. But as the months go by, I think we will start to ease up on our neuroses because it WILL be working for us.
As for not being able to eat with your family and enjoy meals - you will. You will be able to do so, and in 6 short months your pouch will expand to be about what mine started out as. And I can tell you that when that happens, you will be able to enjoy almost everything your family enjoys....and you won't feel deprived. That is one thing I'm thankful for with my 4 oz pouch is that I can have a hot dog, broccoli and mashed potatoes and enjoy every last bit of it and not want for more. I think I suffer less head hunger because of this, and I am thinking that as everyone's tiny pouches expand and relax, that they will find their head hunger diminishes as well. It's a theory, but I'm pretty sure it will help.
Hope that helps somewhat. And just remember - I need you to be bucking up for me so you can shore me up on my next pity party.
Dina 
Maureen, I think you are right on target. I heard to expect 25 lbs the first month...yes some people have lost more, but they are the unusual ones not you. That is great and it is not the same as losing 25 lbs on a "diet" alone, which could be back in 1 week! You will feel differently as the pounds add up....35 then 45 then 65...then you will believe!
Carnie Wilson STILL looks great! I don't think you have to worry about her...I read both her books...she is a stitch!
Only time and success is really going to make you feel better, but I do know that those of us who have repeatedly dieted and lost are naturally slower to lose than those whose bodies have not "learned" to resist weight loss. I also know that the feeling normal takes a while too. I am just starting to get there. My loss is slow too, but I refuse to believe that I have stopped until I go a full month without losing--then I will panic 
I think part of our depression is that it takes such concentration to get in the right things and make the life changes that we don't have time to think about anythng else. This makes the time go by very slowly. I am finding that I am starting to have room for other things now, and that is making me obsess less about it.
I have only dropped one size, so I understand your frustration, but I do believe it will happen. I am starting to not avoid social eating occasions--I just find something I can eat or drink and focus on the social part.
I know it is hard now, but it will get easier. And I know you will continue to see results. Don't give up!
Joy
I think part of our depression is that it takes such concentration to get in the right things and make the life changes that we don't have time to think about anythng else. This makes the time go by very slowly. I am finding that I am starting to have room for other things now, and that is making me obsess less about it.
I have only dropped one size, so I understand your frustration, but I do believe it will happen. I am starting to not avoid social eating occasions--I just find something I can eat or drink and focus on the social part.
I know it is hard now, but it will get easier. And I know you will continue to see results. Don't give up!
Joy 
Reenie,
i do not recall reading about mood swings or periods of emotional release but it happend to me YESTERDAY! My husband and I were joking around in the kitchen and he made a face at one of the kids that made me cry. Then as I was driving the younger ones, 10, 12, 14 to school, I was telling them about how the kids made fun of me at summer camp when I was 8 and 9 becuase they thought I wet the bed.... the memory actually made me cry! Twice is one day 
? What was happening to me.
I think some of our peers on this site are so excited by seeing huge numbers drop from thier scales that they are overdoing it a bit.... (the daily numbers thing
. It was trying to fit in an not suceeding that got us to the point where we needed surgery in the first place.
Maureen, you are just wonderful and allow yourself to be happy with every little milstone you achieve. Carney Wilson lost super fast if you recal and look at her now.... 3yrs later, no kid yet and the pounds are creeping back on. And the magazines are camara ready waiting for her to fail! Take your time and BELIEVE you are on your own journey......
Andie
? What was happening to me.
I think some of our peers on this site are so excited by seeing huge numbers drop from thier scales that they are overdoing it a bit.... (the daily numbers thing. It was trying to fit in an not suceeding that got us to the point where we needed surgery in the first place.
Maureen, you are just wonderful and allow yourself to be happy with every little milstone you achieve. Carney Wilson lost super fast if you recal and look at her now.... 3yrs later, no kid yet and the pounds are creeping back on. And the magazines are camara ready waiting for her to fail! Take your time and BELIEVE you are on your own journey......
Andie I haven't seen Carnie Wilson lately but I don't think it matters how quickly she took it off because the chances are that most of us will gain back a little weight. This isn't fool proof, and if we aren't 100% on program, our bodies will be waiting to soak up more weight as time goes on. Some people gain nearly all of it back. But after reading the pouch rules for dummies, I realize the cottage cheese test proves the pouches aren't stretched, but that the eating habits have gotten out of whack. So it's something to be aware of. No one ever said it wasn't going to be work once we go to this point. It is just supposed to help make it workable.
The good thing is that I have noticed in some profiles people put back on 10-20 or 30 lbs, and many of them realize this and go back to the pouch rules, and lose it quickly. I may be wrong, but I think some of us serial dieters will finally find success when we reach goal because we will be able to be motivated long enough to lose the weight we regain. I can stick to my diet for a long period of time, but I was just not able to lose past a certain point due to appetite. That has been taken care of for me and everyone else here. We just have to remember that.
Dina
Maureen -
Share the same surgery date -- share the same feelings! This morning I just cried...I'm not a crier, but I just suddenly let loose. Its not that I miss food so much....and I'm pushing the normal behavior has much as I can. We go out to dinner and I get soup -- and I'm okay with that.
Rather - like you - I've lost 25 pounds. At 4 weeks post op -- I weigh the same that I was at 2 weeks post op. I agree with you -- I lost more on Atkins in 4 weeks that I have after this surgery. My mind tries to logically assess the situation and say that there is no way to not lose weight. But guess what -- I'm not losing weight. I am pushing water to the point that I float through the day. I'm pushing protein and if it came in a suppository I'd be pushing that in too *grins*. I'm not losing inches and I'm not losing pounds and HELL YES I'M FOCUSED ON THAT.
I'm not getting any "hidden" calories. I track every single morsel that enters my mouth. I track every single ounce of fluid that I consume. I'm taking my vitamins and following what my surgeon has recommended. And of course I am comparing myself to others on the board. I don't expect my loss to be the same as their's, but its frustrating and painful to read of great losses and consistent losses when I'm doing everything right as well.
Hmmm....I feel a lot of anger coming out lol...maybe I should take up boxing.
And for those that respond -- "when did you ever lose 25 pounds in a month before?" My response is this: in 1997 when I was on Weigh****chers, in 1999 when I was on Atkins, in 2000 when I started Atkins again, and well lol in 2003 when I gave birth *grins*.
I know the surgery comes with no promises, but it does come with expectations that are propagated by many many people including the medical community.
Sighs...
Sorry for the venting...BUT THIS SUCKS!
Lissa
Can you pull up another chair (or 2) for the pity party. I'm still taking up 2 chairs, so scoot over! I feel the same way you do, Maureen. I'm stuck at 14 pounds since 3/15. I read others' posts and see that they've lost so much more and I look at myself as a complete and total failure. I'm exercising, I'm drinkin fluids (water, crystal light, etc.), I'm eating freakin' cream of wheat, protein, veggies, etc. Why am I stuck? I'm so bummed. It's hard for me, too because I cook dinner for my hubby and kids and then I don't get to have any of it. I jus****ch them eat. It sucks. If anyone is going to fail at this, it's going to be me. My hubby gets so mad at me when I say stuff like that, but that's how I feel. So - know that you're not alone. It helps me to know that I'm not alone, so I hope it helps you in some way. If you want to commiserate, I'm your girl! Sorry I couldn't be more uplifting to you in your time of need, but I hope I shed some light on the fact that you aren't alone.
Take care!
-Wendy
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