What's New?

I thought I would post a "Catch Up on the Story of My Life". I have been absent a lot lately--mostly busy. This is long and mostly boring... FAMILY: The time since WLS has been hard. Feb 2005 I lost my only brother to stomach cancer. In Sept of last year I lost my mother to heart failure. This last March my father in law died of lung cancer. Extended family now consists of one remaining sister in law and her family who all live 12 hours away. We had been primary caretakers of my mother for many years, and that had become more and more difficult--the worst time being a year before her death, making the decision to move her to a nursing home. Our younger daughter, who lives out of state, never has understood that decision and it has driven a wedge between us that still causes pain, but is now starting to heal a bit. The stresses of all of this, coupled with the emotions of post-WLS, and other issues that accumulated over years, caused serious marriage problems, as Dan & I pulled away from each other to nurse personal wounds. For a brief time we separated, and for us this was a turning point because we realized this was not what we wanted. (I might add that we were in personal and marriage counselling for 3 years, starting a year before WLS). Last week, we celebrated our 36th anniversary. Things are good, and we are working as a real marriage. Laughter is back, and mutual respect and support. The problems are a foggy memory, that we hold onto to keep from returning to! God has been good to us and has blessed our efforts to rebuild communications and trust. Our younger daughter just moved to Alaska to teach school on a remote island. We are starting to truly connect by phone, and may end up closer by her moving further away--go figure! Our 4 year old grandson is wonderful--he has been a constant ray of sunshine in my life. Our older daughter & family live about an hour's drive from us, and I am blessed to have them. CAREER: I have worked for 18 years for an IT company. I started as a computer programmer (after getting my BS in computer science at age 39!) I have done most of my work as a database developer, building huge national direct mail databases. The technology was interesting for a while, but the further away from school (translate that OLDER) I get, the harder it is to keep up with the young ones just starting out. I have been trapped by a good salary, but have come to hate the corporation, with the corruption that abounds in upper management, and the "use them up and disgard them" attitude toward employees. The last 6 years have brought layoffs, paycuts, and loss of benefits, along with longer hours and increased stress as we try to handle more workload with fewer people. Dan had been through similar experiences in his field several years back, and after being laid off from 2 different companies, decided to retire, so we have been living off my salary. Here's the good news: Two years ago Dan accepted a job in his field. The pay is moderate, but the benefits are good, and the job is relatively stable without a lot of pressure. The best part is that he really enjoys the job and the people he works with. After tucking away money since he started to work, I AM GOING TO RETIRE IN OCTOBER!!! We are convinced that we will still be able to eat more or less regularly! The relief is unbelievable! I am starting my own business, and having fun with it so far. You remember that I was searching for some cosmetic solutions to the excess skin after WLS? I found a company BeautiControl that makes cosmetics, spa products, and most importantly skin care and anti-aging products. I am really impressed with their technology and like the products, so I became a consultant a few months ago, mostly so that I could buy wholesale. In the last month I have started actively marketing products through home spas and am having a ball doing it--talk about a radical change! It is such a blessing to be able to share relaxation and fun with women who are in desparate need of some self-pampering. So after all of this depressing tale of woe (congratulations if you are still reading at this point!), life is opening up for me in a wonderful way. I look forward to having time for outdoor activities. I am planning some travel with Dan (I booked a trip to Europe for next summer that I have been dreaming of all my life). I look forward to spending more time with my grandson. And I have the excitement and challenge of my new business, and working with some great friends that are starting it out with me. I have known for a long time that life is too short to spend doing a job you hate, but as many of you know, sometimes we don't feel like we have a choice. Well, I am finding there is always a choice--it just sometimes takes a lot of courage to pursue it! You all have been a huge support group for me through the last few years of struggle. I have not found it easy to be truly open, but I knew that you all were in various stages of very similar life changes and that we all have shared a bond that few others can understand. I appreciate that more than I can express, and I hope that I am able to return a fraction of that support to each of you who are so special to me. Love you, Joy

Joy, I truly believe if it was not For God on my side I would have not survived all that I have been throught over the past year. I am so glad that your Marriage has survived & you are doing so well. This board has been an important part of my support as well, & just posted a little tidbit to show that. I am happy for you & know that the choices you have made with your life will bring you true happiness & that is what our lives are all about. I have been so happy at my new job at Wal-mart for the past 3 weeks. No stress levels, just meeting everday people & enjoying it very much. I am not getting rich off of it, but gong to work is a joy & that I have not had in a very long time. Keep in touch & your post was good, sad & very nice to hear from you. As for Family, you still have us ( I think) to lean on when you need too!!! God is so good!! LOL Marilyn, the Bearlady

Joy, baby, I'm so happy to hear from you! I've been very worried. Thanks for this post, your story is so inspiring -- so full of life in all its manifestations. I am especially drawn to the evolution of your marriage with Dan; you have provided me with a little, tiny spark of hope that Jim and I will see our way through this. We are in very intensive, "last ditch effort" therapy and this guy's good. We're making progress, very, very slow progress. I will post more later but I wanted you to know how happy I was to see your post. You've been on my mind - and I really, really need something for this wrinkly, old, tired face! Take care, my dear friend, take good care. Maureen

It's so nice to know your things are getting better and will be better for now on. God will keep you up and big changes will be part of your life. You can see the sun comes out for everybody. I hope you can keep us post . Wishing you the best ,