Ugh! I am so tired!

Yesterday my mom developed sudden acute bronchitis. I had gone out to get her prescriptions and groceries and came back at 3 pm to find her desperately trying to find me. I took her to her PCP who gave her a breathing treatment with albuterol. That triggered a heart spell which took 3 nitros to relieve. Since by then the docs office was closing and we couldn't tell whether she was coming out of it or not, we decided to admit her to the hospital. It was 10 pm by the time we got her to a room, and were luck to do so because the hospital is FULL. By then she was feeling much better and was sitting up barking orders. I had decided to go on liquids yesterday because of nausea. I did manage to get my liquids in, along with 2 protein shakes and a container of SF yogurt. Net result... I'm exhausted today. I gained a pound--go figure that one! I did not do my walking. She expects me to sit there with her all day again today. How in the world do I stay on track in that environment? I know I sound selfish, and indeed I am, but we go through some version of this at home about every 2 weeks, and in the hospital every 3 months. It wears me out when I am at full speed. My husband is an angel to help, but he is out of leave! Besides taking a bottle of prozak (or maybe giving her one), what do you suggest? Joy -20 lbs / 22 days

Dear Joy; I'm glad to hear that your mom made it through okay. I'm sure that was a scary time for all of you. You ask a very good question and I wish I had some kind of answer. I guess that we'll all have to figure out how to adjust our new situation to fit our lifestyles. It's a lot easier when you're at home and the only thing you have to focus on is you. I've been of no help whatsoever, I know. But I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and I hope it sorts itself out. Cheryl

1st - take a deep breath While I can't completely relate, I do understand. The lb gain is a puzzle - could it be a clothing factor? As far as getting your walking in. You will do you're mom no good if you get sick, so unless she needs you by her side every waking moment, which is probably not the case, I would take short walk breaks away from her every hour. Even if it is just a 5-10 minute thing. Her wanting you by her side and needing you there are not the same thing, although it might seem so in her eyes. If she complains, I would explain that for your health (and yes - sanity) that you need to do this so you can be there for her when she really does need you. Not sure if this helps much. I will keep your mom and this situation in my prayers though. mgm -11 / 8 days

Oh Mine, You've got your plate so full, I don't know how you handle all that you do. I know you said Dan is out of leave but how about when he is off work, can he take over for just a little while? Then lean on him for all the love and support you need and can receive from him. At this point 1 lb is nothing Hun, let that go, I think our bodies do crazy things when we're under a lot of stress, it may just be hanging on to liquids or some such thing. I'm thinking about you and praying real hard for your situation to get better. I Love you Joy, Betty

Joy, I use to go thru a very similar thing with my husbands Grandmother, she was so demanding and even more lonely than usual when she got ill, she had many lung problems and was in the hospital about once a month. I finally had to just put my foot down and say, I can only be at the hospital or your house for a maximum of 3 hours a day, do you want me to come in the morning or afternoon. I was giving her the choice, but with my own limitations. We tolerated each other much better that way, well actually I tolerated her better that way. Remember you have had major surgery(actually x2) and you need to take care of you, you will be no help to anyone if you end up back in the hospital. Yesterday at my first post op, my surgeon warned me that the major fatigue would be setting in soon as the weight loss was starting to show more and more, for about 4 weeks and then I would get more energy back. So far I feel pretty energetic, but I am sure he will be right to some extent. Maybe you are starting to feel some of that fatigue as well as the emotional. Dont sweat the weight gain, I have had some up one lb days, and down 2 the next, then back up. Another thing I use to tell Grandma was that because she was sick and needed to be in the hospital she needed more rest and if people are there she will feel more compelled to visit then rest. I was only a phone call away if she needed something. I loved Grandma Ruth dearly, but if there is one thing I have learned it is, that I will not be demanding to the people who love me as I grow older and fragile. I expect them to love me and help me, but not wait on me every moment. It just makes a tough situation for everyone. Hope I helped with my rambling.......I will be praying for you and your Mom. Janelle -31/22 days

Joy, I know exactly what you are going through and it aint easy girl. Sometimes we just have to take things one day at a time. I filled you in about my daughter so you know what I'm talking about as that situations continues. Sounds like right now, your Mom is in the hospitat so that should provide at least some immediate relief for you. I agree with the other person who said don't think about the pound - that means nothing in the overall scheme of things. If you're at all like me, you turn to food for stress. Well, you can't do that anymore and that's a good thing. Missing one day of walking isn't the end of the world either. Don't be too hard on yourself as far as staying on track goes. I think that's a problem most of us share in our weight loss attempts - we always think we have to be perfect. My daughter's home from the hospital now too and has been at it again if you know what I mean. I've noticed my eating increases as her destructive behavior increases. Just remember, no matter what happens, with respect to your weight loss, you've got a great new tool. My suggestion to you is to take it easy on yourself as much as possible. If you don't want to sit with her all day then don't. Just tell her, in a loving way, that you have things you have to do but you'll be back to see her. If that doesn't work, give her some heavy duty drugs!!! That's what I'm thinking about doing with my daughter. Good luck my angel. Caboose T-8

Wow, you are barely one month post op and you are having to deal with all this? I was still extremely tired at that stage. I am impressed that you have been able to go for walks. I'm two months post op and haven't started back into an exercise routine. I am going to have to though to bust out of a plateau.

JJ, just an FYI: My surgeon fully expects his patients to be walking between 1 and 2 miles daily by the time of their 6 week follow up.

Joy, My heart goes out to you. It looks like some decisions will need to be made regarding your mom soon. My sister and I went through the same for 2 years and finally realized we just could not do it anymore. Mom was more demanding than what 4 people could handle. We tried. I know a nursing home is not for everyone but it worked for us. We found one where mom has freedom to roam the halls and visit and play bingo and sews. The harder we tried to keep her out of a home, the more demanding she got. And after a year there, she will tell you she is happy there. She has friends that will sit and talk with her all day which is one thing we could not do. My sister brought mom out yesterday, intending to keep her out till Wednesday and she had to take her back. She was wanting to be waited on hand and foot and my sister could not take care of her 2 year old grandaaughter, me and my mom. Thank goodness I do not need much help but she had to take mom back to the home last night. We did not want that but had no choice. If there is no other help available, please check into it. There are homes where family can place their elderly parents and still be a big part of their lives. My sister and I are ususally at the home with mom 2-4 times a week plus phone calls. And Mom gets the attention from others that she was demanding from us.

Thanks, everyone! I am OK--just needed to vent and get some sympathy--Knew I could count on you! I will set some limits and do all right with this. It is the worry-anger-guilt cycle that is so wearing. If you don't understand it is only because you have not been there yet! And I hope you don't have to. Thank God I live close to the hospital. I will just have to do this with short "check in" runs. She is in a semi-private room (and lucky to get that), so I can use that as an excuse, along with the "don't want to wear you out" line. The pound isn't worrying me--just was the last straw for the morning. Effectively it means I have been in a stall since 3/18. I figure it will break eventually. I guess I've postponed this as long as I can. Better get dressed and head that way. She has been up for probably 4 hours already! And they put orders npo in case they wanted to run tests so I bet she is PI$$ED! Oh well, this is part of life... Joy