Friday/Bad Day-Need Your Help

Hi All, I know I can always come here for any needed help I need. Well I need it & badly. Yesterday was a really bad day started out O.K than went down hill from there. Depression set in about 2 P.M started eating anything in sight Popcorn/cake/cookies/ you name it I was eating it. Then, of course hated myself for doing that. The depression got so bad I was actually thinking about suicide (now that is bad) My girlfriend luckily talked me into calling my PCP at 8.30 last night. She called me back & calmed me down. will be calling in a script today for anti-depressants as soon as the pharmacy opens. As you know have been unemployed again for 2 weeks have no money & bills are starting to get to me. It all hit yesterday & boy was it a rough day spent most of the day crying (which is not like me either) Anyway, today so far is a better day. I did sleep last night & that has helped. I know you guys have all had good days & bad, but, just thought I would vent some of my frustration out to you. & I know you always say the right things. I just feel so left out of everything right now. I am thinking this was silly to even have the surgery. (not really) I would have been a lot worse off if I was still 360 lbs. Sorry for being so down on your Saturday A.M, but had to get some of this built up crap out of my system & you are the only ones the I can talk to. If you are still reading this, I hope you can help me out & do some praying that the right meds will pull me out of this depression.(sure don't like it.) I ave gained about 25 lbs & that is not helping the depression either, & eating all of this crap just makes things worse. Why do I do it (have no clue) I how to fix it Just don't do it. O.K I will close for now Just do a lot of praying for me that I pull through this last struggle. They do seem to get harder & harder to get through. Marilyn, the Bearlady

Marilyn, First of all, I want to tell you that eating and weight gain is probably the last thing you need to be worrying about and beating yourself up over right now. Depression is an isidious disease and it takes a toll. Fous on resolving the depression first and the eating issues will resolve themselves in time. I'm very worried that you feel so desperate that suicide has crossed your mind. I'm glad that you had a friend to turn to and your pcp has called in a prescription, but please don't wait to talk to a professional. It takes a while for meds to kick in and until they do, counseling will help. I'm listing some links and phone numbers that might help at the bottom of this post. Please, please contact someone to help you get through this rough patch. You've come a long way and you've made some great strides, please don't give up now. Stay in touch and let us know how you're doing. Hugs, Connie http://www.az211.gov/default.php http://www.hopeline.com/6/AboutDepression.asp 800-784-2433 or 800-SUICIDE

Thanks Connie, Today is going much better & my PCP has talked to me about seeing someone about this too, she also thinks I need to find out where it is coming from & get passed it. She also did not call in the script today so will have to wait till Monday. I am a little upset that she forgot since I talked to her last night about 8:30 P.M. I am taking what I already had at home & that seemed to calm me down somewhat, so I will take that until Monday. I plan to go to the Mental Health place on Monday & find someone to talk to. Thanks for caring. I know from losing my brother to depression that it is nothing to fool with. How is your Father doing? Hope he is better. Marilyn, the Bearlady

Hi Marilyn; I'm sorry that you've been having a rough go of it. Depression is serious business and something that you really need to jump on hard and fast. I was treated for depression a number of years ago. I'll bet that most of the people here have dealt with some form of depression, because it seems that obesity and depression have a fairly close relationship in many cases. I was seeing a counselor and was on medication for a while. It helped me level a lot of the peaks and valleys and keep me on more level ground. I strongly suggest that you don't let this slide. And as for bringing us down.....don't even go there, my friend....we're all in this together. Your problems are our problems. Hang in there and stay in touch. Mike

Thanks Mike, As you know this board has been my only support, so I know that I can & will always come here for support when I need it. & right now I seem to need it a lot. Thanks Marilyn, the Bearlady

i am very glad that connie and mike have jumped in here...marilyn..gosh--give yourself a hug and realize that knowing there is a problem is a big step...i understand your frustration with your pcp about forgetting to call in script- one thing that really helps me when i have episodes is to sit and write- on here or on paper or whatever works- i bought a compostion notebook-cuz i like them!-and i started writing- good days and bad--a dr suggested write the date and the weather and maybe if you had talked to someone -who and what about briefly-how it made you feel - if i find a poem or an expression or a picture-i love the ads for FTD flowers- i cut it out and glue it in my book- i am on about my 4th or 5th book since before 9/11....some days when i SHOULD journal i don't but maybe i send an email to a friend and i keep a copy for my book. i **** to write on good days too....don't do it as much as i should right now... another thing that i noticed is that carbs have a calming effect when i am depressed- it's the serotonin business..i am NOT saying that it is ok to overeat but i do agree that you need to focus on the mental health now and the pounds will come back off if they are meant to--my gain from last summer is just now starting to move downward again! DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP RIGHT NOW! YES I AM SCREAMING AT YOU!!!! yes , the struggles do seem harder and harder to get thru- i went thru a doozy not very long ago-and i have continued to be on meds- may be for the rest of my life... we ARE here and we listen to you.... please do continue to get some help.....

Marilyn, you have taken a great first step by finding the courage to admit what's going on so that you can get help with this; so many people just live with the pain and torment of depression - you are chosing otherwise. You are chosing life. You're in the middle of one tough storm and I know you can tough this out as you have in the past. Sometimes it all seems impossible to deal with and that's when we just need to let go for a moment and do nothing but rest and take care of ourselves. You must rest. You must find someone to talk to and help sort things out. You must get some relief through medication. I am not all concerned about your weight and if I could give you anything right now, it would be to relieve you of the burden of thinking about your weight. That will take care of itself as soon as you feel better in your head, my friend. Please, please, please go to that Mental Health facility on Monday; please, please, please call your doctor back - even if from the pharmacy - and tell her you're not leaving until you've picked up that prescription. You'll get another job, you'll take off those few regained pounds, but only after you're feeling better emotionally. Take the steps, sweetheart, to make this happen. And while you're waiting for those meds to kick in, and for your initial appointments to begin with a therapist, do some things to foster your own self-help -- surround yourself with peace, care, stress-free living - a small bouquet of flowers cut from your garden on your kitchen table; listen to Bach, especially his flute sonatas, while you tidy up your home or your hair; give yourself a facial, call a friend and take a walk; volunteer at your church...there are so many ways for us to get out of our heads -- and out of our own way. It's so much easier to give in to the pain...you've got the strength and courage to make these difficult choices, and to follow-through. Please take good care of yourself, Marilyn. And stay close to us. Love to you, Reenie

Dear Reenie & Margo You are all my angels in need, Thanks for all the kind words I know that I will survive this, as I have so many before it. It says that God won't give us more than we can handle, so, I believe that this is his way of slowing me down. Will guess what, it did & in a big way. I am feeling much better today, even though my sleeping was in the pits last night. Leg cramps again on top of everything else. I did not drink enough water yesterday & boy did I know it. Anyway, I do appreciate all of you & thank you for the encouragement. Today is Sunday & always a good day of Church & Love filled day. So I know I will be O.K. & onward to getting better starting tomorrow. I sure don't like it when I get this far down. You are all right, I have worked too hard to throw it all away. (I won't) and don't even like going there. I will keep you all informed on how I am doing & thanks too all of you. We are friends forever & that does really help. Marilyn, the Bearlady

you are very special to us, marilyn...you must take care of yourself..you have faith in God and that is such a wonderful start...and you have faith in yourself ..keep plugging along, darlin! today will be a good day for you and tomorrow you will have a good start at he mental health place..... but wow- water!!!! drink it up --we all have to be so careful right now- all of us!!!!!!! and -go grab your fave bear and give it a hug! skipper (my 1st Boyd's) has that calming effect for me...i do agree with reenie baout some calming music, a posey or two... your faith in God and yourself will get you thru this --i knwo it is easy for others to tell you what to do-- i think we here tell you cuz of the type of folks that we are *** i meant nurturing and compassionate and loving!!not bossy as my kids would say!!!)..but bottom line i we are here listening to you......come back as often as you wish!!!!!!

Margo You are too Funny, You would think after someone having over 100 bears, I would have thought of that. to go Hug one of them when I was so down the other day. I think I will just go do that. I am sure it will help the day get better. Thanks for the support Marilyn, the Bearlady