sigh
Jessica --
You may have stopped today's procedure, but that's not to say you won't pursue it again in the future.
You're still a Marcher, Jessica. Being a Marcher is NOT a date on a calendar, it's a state of being. Whether or not you're with us on the board, you KNOW you're still in our prayers.
Things will work out alright. They always do. Romans 8:28, donchaknow!
I'll be gone for a few days, but will be here for ya whenever/if ever ya need me, kay? You're STILL a Marcher! You can't get out of 'us' that easily, girl!
Kimmer
Queen of the Niners, Instigator to All Marchers, High Priestess of Giggles
Zero-minus-13.36 hours 'til NPO!!
I'm so sorry. I know this has to be a terribly difficult thing for you. I agree with what Kimmer said. We each have to make our own decisions--of course you are still a Marcher, silly! Please talk this out and know that we respect you for making whatever decision you have to make. It is not easy to decide to have WLS. It is not easy to decide not to at the point you did! I wish you peace and health, my friend...
Joy
Ahhhh Jessica,
You'll always be a Marcher. We love ya girl. I don't know why you freaked out, but it happens. It's good that you made that decision for yourself. If you weren't ready to do this then you shouldn't do it. One day you'll be fully prepared (or not), and when/if you are we will be there to celebrate with you. We are here for you now too.
Whitney
Thank you everyone for your kind words. Here's how it went down.
Yesterday I had a clear liquid diet. I dont do good with lots of sugar, which, face it, most clear liquids are in some form or another besides water but who could drink only THAT all day. I couldnt drink chicken broth all day because it made me feel kinda queasy. I was STARVING. Then NPO since midnight last night. I was a grumpy miserable *****
So Im bawling like a baby in the shower. Im hugging my kids like its the last time Ill see them. I suck it up... get in the car and go. Im fine in the car. I get to the H and Im fine... then I get into my johnnie. The butterflies started flitting around in my stomach SOOOOO bad. Eventually they bring me to the pre-surgery suite place. The nurse starts an IV.. Im getting excited again. But still in the back of my mind I didnt feel *right. Then she gave me what I call truth serum. The stuff to calm me down before surgery. YEA RIGHT. That made all my fears WORSE.
I look over to Masio -the fiance and tell him. "I cant do this" He's looking at me like Im nuts. I keep saying it over and over again. He's like "Why" I said "becaue I just cant.. it doesnt feel right". So eventually Dr. Bodner, my surgeon... the SAINT of a man, came in and I told him Im freaking. He said I could go home and reschedule . All I did was nod.
They unplugged me.. I got dressed and went home.
You all are right, Ill always be a Marcher because we pretty much came upon this journey TOGETHER. We all have the same goal. Whether we reach it by surgery.. or in my case by chickening out. We want to be happy and healthy. I support each and everyone of you 100%.
Melissa, dont worry, you will be fine. I think youre just going thru the mouring process right now. A dear friend of mine went thru the same thing as a new post-op. She's now a year out and can RUN with her little girl. She had infection after infection... she had to be scoped and re-admitted. Now 150 lbs lighter.. those things dont matter to her anymore. (((((Melissa))))))
Jessica,
It would be useful to find out what preop medication they gave you. It may be that you have an adverse reaction.
They used to use phenobarbitol as a preop. It is supposed to be a sedative. On me it makes me anxious and dizzy and crazy. It is impossible to stay still and almost impossible to stay in bed. I end up seeing double and the room moves. I always list it as a drug allergy and dread the possibility that I might react to something else the same way. It may be that this type of reaction intensified your anxiety today. I'd sure avoid it in the future.
I suggest you give yourself a chance to normalize, then decide what you want to do. In the mean time, stay off sugar--it obviously is not your friend!
Use us as a sounding board--that's what we are for...
Joy