Help, My Mom makes me feel terrible!

When I told my Mom a week ago my decision to have surgery, she was so upset about it that she couldn't even talk. This morning, after not talking to me all week, she called me and asked me to come over. I knew she wanted to talk me out of having surgery. When I got there, she berated me for a decision that she feels I'll regret the rest of my life. She reminded me how I've made bad decisions all my life, and asked me why I can't be as stubborn about staying on a diet as I'm being about having this surgery. I told her about reading many, many profiles on this website of people who've had the surgery and never regretted it (except maybe the day or two after surgery). She didn't listen to anything I had to say. Finally, I told her "Sorry you don't of approve of my decision, but I'm standing by it." I came home and cried. She makes me feel so bad about myself. Karen L

Karen, I think your mom is being like any other mom..protective! I can understand her being worried about you, after having a 3 year old. Im sure she is just scared about the risks ect. I am sure that once the surgery time approaches, she will lend more support, and certainly afterwards once she sees the benifits! Hang in there, Karen! Kristy

Thanks, Kristy for the words of encouragement. I hope she eventually comes around. I'd hate to think that this is going hurt our relationship long term. My Mom and my sister are alike...they are both controlling, and if they don't like what you're doing, they gang up on you. Also, they are both very obese too. My Mom is wheelchair-bound because of co-morbidities. That's why I thought she above everyone else, would be supportive. Go Figure! Hugs, Karen L

THAT'S THE RAZON I HADN'T TELL MY FAMILY ABOUT MY WLS , I DON'T WANT TO MAKE MY MOM FEEL MAD , BUT THIS IS A PERSONAL DECISION . I KNOW HOW ARE YOUR FEELINGS , BUT TRY TO NOT TAKE IT SO UP ON YOU. OUR MOM'S ARE SO PROTECTIVES. THEY FEEL WELL BEING LIKE THEY ARE. HOPING YOU THE BEST SURGERY AND A FAST RECOVERY.

Yvette, Thanks for your words of encouragement. It helps alot. Karen

does your mom read e-mail? I would be happy to write her and try to explain some things she doesn't understand or know...I am 63 and a grandmother of 4 so maybe she would listen to an "elder".

Sally, Thanks for your offer, but my Mom is stubborn too. She doesn't have a computer. I'm praying that after the surgery she'll accecpt it, and no longer be angry with me. Thanks again, hon. Hugs, Karen

Hi Karen, I know you realize your mom is just scared for you and using any means possible to protect you.. Once she sees how succesful and happy you are I bet she forgets you all ever had this conversation.. I am sorry you feel sad but I am proud of you for taking up for yourself. I know that's not easy... Hang in there you're gonna do great!!!!! Sinseerlee, Kathy Offishal Marchers Cheerleader Captain Flatulence Monitor Angel to the Queen "It's time to throw down the pom poms and get into the game!"

Kathy, Thanks for the reply. It's great getting words of encouragement from my fellow marchers. You guys are the best. Hugs, Karen

I am so sorry Karen. No matter how old we are we want our moms to approve of us. But you know, she will be fine postop when you are OK. Try really hard not to say angry words to her now that will cause damage to your relationship and later you can tell her it was because she taught you to courageously take care of yourself that you were able to make the decision. People fear most that which they do not understand. Couple that with a mother's protective instincts and viola! I realized that my mother would have reacted exactly the same way and nothing I said would have calmed her fears. On top of that, having a bad heart at age 89, she would have gotten so worked up that she ended up in the hospital. So I did not tell her until I was home and able to get dressed and tell her in person. I expected her to still be angry, but not as anxious, but you know, she wasn't! She could see I was OK and that overode what ever she was hearing and thinking. I think that once you see your mom afterwards, she will calm down too. I'm just so sorry about how this hurts you now. I pray every day that I will have the wisdom to support my grown children emotionally even when I don't understand their actions or approve of their decisions. I know I must let them live their lives, but it is hard to turn loose. Joy