i think i may be chickening out...

Kym: I am worried about a panic attack too. But I am trying to remember I have had them in the past and take them for what they are. I agree with the above post. Remember the decisions you made to get to this point. You made them with a full understanding without your mind going whacko on you. Tell your doctor you are having them. Mine has not started yet but I am telling all the medical personnel I meet that I fear I will have one prior to surgery and I want to be calmed down so I can still have the surgery. It is difficult to think straight when you have them. I am not going to try to throw my beliefs on you. We all have different belief systems. I know that My God is powerful and mighty and just. And he watches over his own. I will ask him to take care of you as I do all the Marchers as we move forward. I do not want to be "super religious", as a matter of fact I run from those people. I want to be the Christ like woman that others want to know. This too will pass and next year you will wonder what the worry was all about. Think about the great times you will have with your family and the things you will be able to do because you had this surgery. If you have a moment put on a calm relaxing video or cd and breath deep.

Kym, Each and every day all of us, whether we are religious or not, have positive and negative thoughts, happy and depressive thoughts, etc. In and of themselves these thoughts we have are just that...Thoughts! They have no power, unless we give them power by acting on them, or dwelling on them. If you can recognize that this "stuff" in your head is just thoughts, then maybe you can learn to let the "bad" ones pass through and focus on the "good ones". I've been practicing this for a couple of years now and it's been really helpful in treatment of anxiety and depression. Take a deep breath and let your negativity pass through. All you really have is the here and now. The past is dead, and the future is imagined. These types of philosophies have helped me. It takes practice, but if you keep trying it, and recognizing your negative thoughts as merely thoughts, and nothing of real significance, you may find yourself "freed up" so to speak from a lot of things in life. Your caboose - Rob

Hi Kym, I too am very scared and worry that I will leave my 3 year old daughter without a mother. On the other hand, I also look at it like I could leave her tomorrow if I continue on this path and don't do something about it. I probably won't stop being scared until the day after surgery. Look to your support people for strength in the whole process. Hope all goes well for you. Good Luck!

You certainly CAN do this! If you focus on your life without the surgery THAT should give you the jitters! You are choosing the courageous thing to give yourself a life. You will do fine. Courage has nothing to do with whether or not you feel afraid. It is all about doing the thing you need to do regardless. You can do this! The week before the surgery was harder for me than this week post op. Now any struggle is physical, not a mind game. The Marchers are pulling for you and praying for you. Joy "Canary"

Hi Kym, This won't be the popular opinion but then again mine seldom are.. IF you are this scared and IF you are this unsure and you truly feel this isn't the right time for you THEN POSTPONE YOUR SURGERY Perhaps you got approved and thru the process so fast that you haven't had enough time to deal with it all The one comment you made that concerns me the most is " i feel like i'm come so far and everyone (including myself) will be so disappointed if i don't do this. ugh" Getting this done because the hotel is paid for and your hubby took you shopping aren't good reasons... I don't want you having regrets and to me this sounds as if you're having more than the usual cold feet.... I know you had a horrible time with the filter and perhaps you need time to get over that before you have more surgery... I don't have an opinion on your religious beliefs and I feel it's no one's business.. It does seem like you need to cope with this a bit more before you take the next step.. Being positive is the best strategy for a good recovery..... I wish you the best with whatever decision you make and I know the Marchers will support you no matter where you are in this journey... Sinseerlee, Kathy Offishal Marchers Cheerleader Captain Flatulence Monitor Angel to the Queen "It's time to throw down the pom poms and get into the game!"

Kym, First of all, stop feeling like a failure because of this ridiculous notion that we should just have "will power." I have tons of it and I'm fat. I spent 25 years feeling like a failure because I didn't control what was going into my mouth. I was hungry all the time and I seemed to be a bottomless pit. Since learing about the hormone gehrlin and the way that this surgery switches off the hunger triggers, I've stopped beating myself up. I just didn't have the tools that skinny people have to stay healthy and fit. This surgery is going to give me an even playing field. It will be up to me to make the most of it, but at least now I have an opportunity. I deserve the chance to be healthy and live a long life, so do you. It's totally understandable if you feel this is not the right time for the surgery. It's completely in your control to have it or not, don't go through with it just because someone paid for a hotel room or it's expected of you. Do it only because you feel you deserve to be healthy and without pain, but only do it because you feel it is right for you at this time. Whatever my belief in a higher power might be, I also believe in my surgeon and in my ability to make good decisions for myself. You're a smart woman, you've come this far and made a lifetime of good decisions. Think logically and rationally about what you want to do and follow your instincts. I'll be lighting a candle, facing East, crossing my fingers, praying, sending good vibes, chanting a mantra, petitioning the Great Creator, asking the goddess, rubbing my lucky rabbit's foot and wishing you the best. Connie

Let's not forget tossing coins

Your response really helped me. I particularly liked what you said about not having the tools that skinny people have. The 'lack of willpower' thoughts have plagued me since I started seriously researching having RNY surgery. One thing that has also helped me is to review the list of all of the diets I have been on. It has helped me to realize how much willpower I do have! So when I start to think 'maybe just one more diet will do it', I review my list and get real! I also went thru a session of deep relaxation and visualization of the surgery with my therapist - this also helped tremendously.

Hello, Kymmie--Sorry for the late post I had pre-op yesterday and was awash in panic so I couldn't even read the board until now. Yesterday going up the elevator in Emory Hospital I told my husband I did not want anyone to know about this operation because was ashamed to be having this surgery. (I have told only my husband and sons, my boss, and my sister guessed.) He asked me why. I told him that I was admitting that I was "weak" and had no "self control" so I had to resort to this to lose weight. I felt I was that fat worthless person that people were always demeaning. (Does this sound familiar to you?) My wonderful husband of 34 years quietly said I was wrong. I did have "self control." I had so much self control that I was willing to change to accomplish my goals. I was brave, smart, and forward thinking to take this risk so we could spend more time together and have more fun living. Suddenly I didn't feel ashamed any more. I hope this little tale has been of some help to you and to others who are having such foolish thoughts. Also, remember no one is making you have this surgery, you have rationally decided to have it. Emotional reaction is a product of impending change. Go for it! Jewell, CEO of the Universe and Newpouch-Going on the 8th at 6am!!!!