i think i may be chickening out...

OMG i have no idea what i'm doing. i don't know - i think i'm on the verge of a panic attack or something here. i can't sleep. i am scared to death. i need this surgery and i have to do it. i'm so mad at myself for not having the willpower to just eat right and exercise. i can't believe that it's come to this - to such extremes. everything is ready to go - i'm scheduled for tuesday - my hubby took me shopping and got everything i think i need for when i get home, we've made two trips to warren, i've had the stupid filter put in, my parents have paid for a hotel while we're away. and now i honestly don't know if i can do this. i just have a really bad feeling. i read so many posts on here from people saying that they are just giving it to god, and i wish more than anythhing that i could find that comfort, but i don't. i've never been religious - i wish i could be, especially at times like this, but i'm just not. i'm just having a really hard time here. i feel like i'm come so far and everyone (including myself) will be so disappointed if i don't do this. ugh.

(((Kym))) Sounds kind of like wedding jitters! Your life will be changed for the BETTER! Try doing some relaxation exercised and put yourself in your healthier body. Don't be hard on yourself. It is a big step. One you won't regret... Karla

Kym, Go back and read your profile, think about WHY you want to have this surgery. Go to the gallery and look at the before and after pictures. You need to realize that you saying, you have not had will power or eaten right, is not the only reasons you are heavy. It's also genetics, and a lot of things. Your body is better at storing fat then it needs to be. IT"S NOT ALL YOUR FAULT. Forgive yourself and accept Yourself. You can do this !!!!!!!! If this was a surgery for a life threating illness, you would be scared but would you go thur with it?? See the panic attack for what it is, Just a panic attack. There are hundreds of people having this surgery and living happily ever after. In the end it is your decision. Remember how you felt the last time this happen. Take Care........Breathe in Breathe out.............................................. Betsy

Kym, Honey, I went through this last week myself. I finally realized that what I was feeling was normal and I had so many Marchers offer up encouraging thoughts that I felt better. You can do this, you just have to be doing it for yourself -- not anyone else. You have to want this (and I believe that you do). Remember why you want this(need this) and what you'll be able to do after. If you feel that you can't go through with it, no one will be disappointed in you -- you have to do what is most comfortable for you. Take a deep breath and sit back and think about what it is that you really want. We are here for you sweetie, whatever you decide...As far as not being religious, you don't have to be to talk to God...Just sit back and talk to Him...He is always there ready to listen It's going to be OK... whitney angel to Lori and Virginia

Kym-- In order to help you, I may be revealing a lot more than I intended but I knew there must be others like myself, and I have to reach out. We are NOT all religious here...Kym....I am not. If you read any of my posts, I never pray for people or offer any kind of divine reference. I wish them well, I wish them luck. I believe in myself, I believe in the medical profession, I believe in goodness. We are all scared, but what brought us here was we want a better life....THINK about all the good things that this surgery can bring. Look forward to good changes....and believe in your doctor. I wish I could be like most of the others too, it must be comforting to have such strong religious beliefs, but we are strong too to be true to ourselves in one of the biggest minorities of life--(those who are not religious)--it may even turn some people off, it may even shock some people, but I am a good person, I obey laws, I don't hurt people, I hate violence, but I will not thank a deity for all the good that happens. People make the good happen. I give credit to the doctor for a successful surgery, I give credit to the individual when they are strong and follow instructions and bear pain. I give credit to educators, counselors, scientists..... Only YOU can make your decision, but it seems as if you have your family behind you and that is wonderful. Good luck with your decisions, I KNOW that I am right with mine, and that everything will be fine.

Kym, I don't like to say that ones bad feelings are anything other than that. But, I do know that your nerves will give you all kinds of feelings, good, bad and all kinds of other ones. I myself have put everything in Gods hands and what will be, will be. If I don't have it then I won't have much of a life other than more Dr.'s and more time in surgery, like open heart which is WAY more serious, Not that this one is not, But I do know that with open heart a whole lot more can go wrong and that's were I'm headed if I don't do something.I wish that exercise would work but for most of us it hasn't and won't. But everyone must make up their own mind and heart about this surgery. You say that you wish you could be religious we'll giving it God doesn't make you religious, Just in my mind wise. I pray that God will give you comfort in this time of need, I'm having mine on Monday and I have no fear or worries. I just hope that you'll make the best descison for you and your family. If you need me the e-mail me and I'll help as best as I can.... Shannon

Kym - I understand your panic, fears and apprehension. I also understand how if you haven't been a religious person that you don't feel like you can give it to God. It is a very hard thing to do - not easy for a Christian much less someone who isn't sure or has no belief system. I would like to propose one thing though. Sounds crazy, I'm sure, but you are on the verge of panic and look at it this way: What do you have to lose? I say give it a shot. I know some people think it's just talking to the wind. Some people think it's just psychological conditioning. But do it anyway. Just for the heck of it tell it like it is to God. If you aren't sure He exsists, tell Him so. Tell Him how you don't know how to give up control and aren't sure you want to. Tell Him how you wish there was an easy answer but just *know* nothing is going to give you peace. Try laying it all out in the privacy of your own quiet thoughts (prayers) and then leave it there. You never know - you might find peace. You might not. But will it hurt anything to give it a shot? Nah....sure won't. Aside from taking that leap of faith, consider what your life will be like as you age and if you will live long. Consider the fear in your heart everytime you get a twinge in your chest or get some massive edema in your legs. Think about those things and then think about in your mind about having your appendix out. Because that is the same risk. Appendix. Gallbladder. C-section. It's all the same in risk, and you are *young* and have great odds. Consider how you will feel 10 years from now if you don't do it and if it is something you think you can find peace with. I am not trying to talk you into having the surgery - I just want to help direct you into thinking more rationally and taking the emotion and fear out of it. The fear for me at 37 is that I'm going to die very young. I don't want that. If 0.05% of the people who have this surgery die, and most morbidly obese women die by the age of 59-60 (before ever being able to draw social security or use Medicare), which are the odds that you want to take? To some people that is a ripe old age. To others it's just the beginning of their lives. So take the statistics and use them to shape your opinion...not panic. Let your logic rule over your fear. You're a smart woman....you will figure out what is right for you. And whatever that choice is - I'm behind your decision 100%. Dina

Well I am a religious person, and I surely believe in the power of prayer! It has brought me through many many things. I will pray for you sweetie, we are having surgery the same day and I will be praying for you on my way in. God works mircles in my life every day and he will to in yours. All you have to do is believe. Or just believe in the prayers that everyone will be saying for you! ~Nicole

Kym....This is Sheilah from Campbell, OH. I moved here now 10 months from NYC and had my surgery in NCY (STATEN ISLAND). I had the very same feelings and on the morning of surgery i went to the car to leave then got out fo the car and walked towards my house then walked back in the car and I did this for 20 minutes or so. Then my husband at the time decided to tell me and my mother too said: "SHEILAH, YOU SAID YOU WANT TO LIVE ANOTHER 30+ YEARS AND NOT 5-YEARS....RIGHT?"....I responded to them: "YES". So they said lets go and remiinded me of who was I doing this for and I was doing it for myself and noone else. Remember not to do it with hopes that your relationship will improve or anything. You have to decide to do it because "YOU WANT TO LIVE TO BE WAY PAST 60 and not be ableto make it to even 40-years old. Close your eyes and say a simple prayer (TALK TO THE HIGHER MAN UPSTAIRS....NO NEED FOR AN ACTUAL PRAYER....TALK W/YOUR HEART....HE LISTENS TO EVERYONE!!!!) You will be fine and afterwards when it is done and over with you will be looking back and saying to yourself: WHAT A CHICKEN I WAS!!! Granted its not an easy step but it is hell worth the ride. I call it a ROLLER COASTER RIDE. Can you imagine being able to get on the roller coaster all over again like maybe you did in your teen years or being able to fit in regular chairs that have those darn annoying arm rests that unables you to fit.....YOU WILL FIT IN THEM & BE SO EXCITED!!! What about being able to fit on the airplane seats with their regular seat belts.....IMAGINE THAT!!! Its the best feeling _EVER_!!!! GO FOR IT GIRL!!!! Sheilah

Lots of times people "chicken out" of completing something because they are afraid of success. It is why some students drop at of college in their last semester and why some people choose not to have this surgery. I don't know you and I am not making a judgment but just think about the fact that you are may be afraid to stop hiding behind the fat. I am concerned about my surgery as well, but I am more afraid of the plane flight than the surg. I wish you well and hope you do what is right for you. Louise