My 5 Year-Old Made Me Cry!

Hi Everyone, I'm soooo sad. I just came home from buying some protein and my 5 year-old son says to me(with tears in his eyes) "is that a new way for you to get skinny? cause I don't want you to go to the hospital because Mimi(my mother) said the doctor is lying you will die and I'll be real sad if you die" He said he heard my mother talking to my father about my surgery and what will happen to my children if I did die. My mother has convinced herself that I will die. Now my son is scared that I will too. I tried to convince him that I wouldn't but I could tell he really didn't believe me. I don't want him to be scared when I go to the hospital! Does anybody know what I can do to make him feel better when it is time for me to go in.

Oh Cheryl! I can't believe your mother was so careless as to do this in front of your son. I don't know if I can offer advice above what you have already tried to do, but I would just explain to him that Grandma doesn't understand and explain that the risk of this surgery is the same of any other surgery...like having your gallbladder out or having a c-section. Then I would bring him to this site and show him all the people who are on here and how happy they all are and how it has extended their lives and made them feel more energetic. All the stuff you probably already said, but that would be the best I could come up with. Well, next to flat out lying and saying you were going on vacation instead. Keep us posted on how he is doing with this. I have a 2.5 year old who I briefly explained I was going away for a little while to and who took it to heart and wouldn't stop talking about it. Kiddos have a great amount of anxiety over losing a parent. Reassurance is about all we can give. Dina --who is going to be mighty anxious leaving her little Mr. Adorable at home while she takes 9 days to conclude her journey....

Can you find one of those books about Taking a Trip to the Hospital to have your tonsils out? Has he had his tonsils out or know of someone who has? Maybe you can find a book that will help and read it to him.

I'm so sorry that your mom wasn't more careful. Maybe she just didn't know he was listening. But some don't realize how much kids to listen to us and we talk when we shouldn't. The only thing I could really think of that might help is to let him talk in person to someone who has had the surgery. Do you have a support group locally? If so, I would take him to a meeting. If no meeting before surgery maybe call some of them up and invite them over and let him ask them questions and see for himself that they didn't die from the surgery. Last thing if those are not options would be to call the Dr.'s office. Usually they have a list of previous patients who are willing to talk to potential patients. I hope this helps. I'll be praying!!! Carrie Carrie Quite Contrary (a/k/a CCQC) 6 Days and a Wake Up to a New Life! March Elevener and PROUD to be a Marcher in Newpouch, USA Offishal Assistant Paper Monkey and Secretary Extaordinaire AND Offishal Keeper of the Marcher Title Duty Roster My Angel ==> Amber W. My Angelettes ==> Joann B. , LaDonna D. , Marcie F.

I agree with the responses here - let him meet 2 or 3 people who have had surgery, and read him books. I am a pretty strong person and if my mom did that to one of my kids I would speak to her privately and then have her retract her statements. I can't imagine that your mother did this accidentally. After all she is an experienced parent and knows that little pitchers have big ears. She probably did this so she would have an allie. If I were you I wouldn't let her care for my child when I went to the hospital.

I completely disagree with the idea about letting him meet people who have had the surgery.... no amount of reassurance from strangers can undo the fear your mom planted in him.. All you can do is be tender and as honest as HE CAN HANDLE.... children dont need much information... only just enough to satisfy thier curisoity. Since your mom let it slip, you have no choice but to deal with it. Aquate the surgery to something he can relate to... like a time when he was sick and a dr made him better or maybe when something special was lost or broken then found and fixed. He doesnt need many details, just enough reassurance that he is loved and that you love him so much and always will no matter what. I do however agree that she should NOT be the adult in charge while you are in the hospital... You (and your kids) would be better off with a responsible teenager or maybe a young couple from chruch who would provide enough fun and entertainment to keep his mind off mommy.

Amen to no (Grand) Mom in charge. I think the idea of the couple from church ( or somewhere where you know their background and ideology) is a good one. You can also try to explain it to him in conjunction with 'remember when the doctor made you better?' that your weight is making you sick and that what you are doing will be to get better. I agree that Mom most likely didn't 'accidently let it slip', could just be my suspicious nature but if it was me I think I'd be entertaing ideas of skinning her alive. What you could try is talking to her one on one and telling her that you know nothing you say is gonna lessen her fear and offer to share your knowledge with her to maybe lessen the stress. I'd be the one to say something about her fear being hers and that it's not fair for her to drag your kidlet into it. Her fear is strictly an adult issue. She's the adult and it's all hers. You son isn't much more than a baby and he should be worrying about where he last saw a toy, you know kid worries. I know I have been long on the rant here but man it just irks the outta me when a kid gets brought into adult issues! I hope that in some small way I've helped and please, just take some extra kid time and hold him close. Gayle Queen of Yarn Balls March 22nd.

I want to thank all of you for your replies. I will be speaking with my mother later this evening and letting her know how scared she has made my son! She will not be the one taking care of my children while I'm in the hospital. I had already arranged for a friend from church to watch them during the day and they will be with my husband in the evening. I had decided this after some of her previous coments about not allowing them to know what I was doing. She feels if I tell my 9 year- old daughter what I was doing than she would feel like it was ok to get fat because she could always have surgery like Mom did. I told her I thought it would be the opposite she would know if she didn'****ch her diet then she would end up like me. I'm going to look and see if I can find some childrens books on trips to the doctor or hospital. I do have an appointment next week with my doctor and I'm going to call and see if I can bring my son to meet him. Because what he said was my mother said the doctor was lying. So maybe if he met him he might feel better. I do have a very close friend who had it done about 5 months ago by the same doctor and I did use her as an example for him. It's going to break my heart to leave him if he's still upset.

I think you're handling this very well and I like your idea of having your son meet your doctor. Try not to worry too much about his worries - he'll upset you even more as he grows. It's just the nature of children and our love for them. Good luck with everything. Just think when you return home fine and dandy he will never believe your mother over you ever again.

Go to your local library there are all sorts of books about favorite characters going to doctors (Berinstein Bears, Elmo, Arthur, Clifford, Blues Clues and many others). These really can be helpful. There is also a cute one about Curious George going to the hospital. There is one about Madaline having her appendix out (this is an abdominal surgery and might help with your son). There are some about having tonsils out that I can't think of right now. I hope that this helps. I sure do agree with everyone else about your Mom...I'm glad that you have decided not to have her keep them while you are in the hospital. I have a mother-in-law that doesn'****ch what she says and is a worrier...whenever I have a serious issue she does not keep my kids (my Mom is better suited for this role)... I have had other surgeries and our baby has been in the hospital and I just felt calmer with the kids staying with my mom instead of MIL. I just wanted you to know that you weren't alone in this...there are others of us out there who have had similar cir****tances with our loved ones. Definately do talk with you mom and let her know how much she has upset your child and that it is not fair of her to cause him such worry. Be sure to call your son everyday from the hospital so he knows that Mommy is OK and there is no mystery. You will be in my prayers.