My husband doesn't get it.

I have the world's greatest husband, really, I do. He just doesn't understand why I spend sometimes hours on end here with ya'll. I don't know what to tell him. How can I tell him that the support offered here is somehow almost stronger than the support he offers? How do I tell him that I don't know how I'd make it through with out you guys? I had a melt down in Albertson's today. I lost it right by the bread. This was after looking over the baby food and choosing a few to try, after picking up a box of Splenda (which is outrageously expensive) and then grabbing the Moly Mc Butter like a dieing woman. I thought about going back and looking for the low carb milk I've heard about when I caught the scent of something so totally heavenly.... fresh bread. That did it! Right there in the store. He just doesn't get it and I am so busy trying to 'get it' myself that I can't help him. He's totally for me having the surgery and infact when I voiced misgivings he was the one to point out all the reasons I should have it. I need some pointers here. How can I get him to see what this board means to me without deminishing what he does for me? Gayle Queen of Yarn Balls Resident B**** March 22nd

I am not sure how much this will help. But I think once you are in the hospital and he sees the encouragement and post that are sent to you with wishes of getting well and making the smooth journey, he will understand better. I do not have that issue since I am single. I have the issue that it is hard to talk to anyone close to me. At times I wonder what support I will have once I am home. I have support at work. But..that is 6 weeks later.

Hi Gayle! First things first. BIG (((((HUG)))))S!!!!! I'm not sure how to answer your question. I think you just have to try to explain to him that even though he is a GREAT support (be sure to praise him for that) that on the board you can chat with people who understand about all of the fears, excitement, anticipation etc. because we are all in exactly the same place. Maybe try to find something that he will understand better. Like for example a woman who has not had a child cannot fully understand how a woman who has had one or is having one is feeling. If you haven't been through labor you have no way to know how someone is feeling. Or, if you haven't lost a parent or sibling, you can empathize with someone who has but you can't really KNOW how they are feeling. I think you just have to find something like that which he can connect to and use it to explain it to him. I would tell him that even if he doesn't understand it and doesn't like it, that it is something you NEED right now. Hopefully he will be understanding and realize that it will even out eventually. This is a big step and huge change in your life though and you need support wherever you can find it. I hope this helps in some way. I will be praying for you! Carrie Carrie Quite Contrary (a/k/a CCQC) 7 Days and a Wake Up to a New Life! March Elevener and PROUD to be a Marcher in Newpouch, USA Offishal Assistant Paper Monkey and Secretary Extaordinaire AND Offishal Keeper of the Marcher Title Duty Roster My Angel ==> Amber W. My Angelettes ==> Joann B. , LaDonna D. , Marcie F.

Hi Gayle, I was thinking you should tell him something like this type of support on here isn't better than what he offers but DIFFERENT He doesn't know exactly how you feel because he hasn't walked a mile in your shoes.. He knows you like a book and loves you unconditionally so he supports you no matter what PRICELESS on this board we've all walked miles in one another's shoes and we know all the ins and outs and pain of being morbidly obese....so it's a different kind of love on here..ALSO PRICELESS Basically it's like when men discuss cars or racing or deer and guns and whatnot and we zone out but the other men are so into the conversation. We love them and support their stupid hobbies but their friends "get it" SO tell him it's not his fault he is a mere mortal and a mere man... just kidding... I hope this helps.. Having him come to the board probably won't help since to an outsider this looks like an online asylum...

Gayle, I know how you feel. My husband couldn't possibly be more supportive than he is however, I still need all of you so much. I explained to him that his support is so important to me and I absoltley could not do this without it but that you guys offer advice and suggestions that only someone going through this would know. I think that if he is as supportive as he seems to be, he will understand and not be offended. Good Luck. Sam

HELLO GAYLE, (WE SHARE THE SAME DAY!) I think this will help ... when you are ready to go online to join everyone here bring him in on it also, invite him to sit with you and read some journey pagess together... this is what I did, and my soon to be hubby couldnt be more involved, the more he reads the more he wants to know, and he expresses the courage it takes for all of us to do what were doing, and stands behind me on whatever decide, I just find he fully understood better as to whats going to happen after the wls by reading other peoples posts and journey pages, he really is hooked on the before and after photo's...best of luck to you both! God Bless all the Marchers and their loved one's.hugz Mary

Send him to us and we'll BEAT it into him. Seriously, isn't there a "spouse's" forum here somewhere? I was sure there was...they need to hang tight together, too. I'm sure they're going thru changes that WE don't realize... Kimmer Queen of the Niners, Instigator to All Marchers, High Priestess of Giggles Zero-minus 4 and 15.26 workhours to go!

Gayle -- There IS a forum for WLS Spouses! Look at the 2 rows of links at the top of your screen. 1st link on 2nd line is "communities". Click on that and there's an entire WORLD that I never knew existed here. Scroll down to the very bottom group of links, and there's one for "WLS Spouses". Have DH check it out. Maybe he can figure out some of the stuff going on in yer noggin. Maybe he can even get some support himself. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Kimmer Queen of the Niners, Instigator to All Marchers, High Priestess of Giggles Zero-minus 4 and 14.03 workhours to go!

Kimmer gave me an idea so I did some checking on here and did find a "spouse" message board.. No one has ever used it... but here's the link if the Pioneers of Newpouch want to get it rolling http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/amosforums/wls_spouses/

Gayle, Let me know if this helps ya. I have been married for the past two years to a man that I have no idea how I made it as far as I did without knowing him. He is my everything now. I used to be in the working world as a accountant. Now that I am a homemaker, I have one less line of what would be support. Unlike you I was having some trouble explaining to my husband why I would "want" to have such a risky surgery done. I started coming on here and lurking at times and sometimes being my opinionated self. I too had to face the "why are you spending so much time on the computer?" I prayed alot at first and then I tryed to manage the amount of time I spent on here. Then I came to the realization...I am not that close to my family and with him gone during the day at work...and being a firefighter, which means a lot of cold dinners and a lot of time alone. (Don't get me wrong I love that my husband wants to save peoples lives and helping. Myself, I see a burning building I run away...he see one he runs in...I thought he was broke at first) Anyway, I was not trying to replace what support I did get from him but was only trying to get as much as I could. I have never been a needy person...quite the oppsite I was very independant. I now find myself searching for every little bit of support I can get!!! It is just that simple. This is a time when we need others like us to understand us completely. I know that this was long, but I hope that I have helped. & Shannon The Irish Lassie 3/17/04