Lurk Mode

Hi yall Marchers !!! The last few days I have felt a need to just pull back into myself and lurk for a bit. I have been here in spirit, but I just needed some time to reflect on what is going on in my own head and realize that the Marchers are finally marching on. I think just like everyone else, I have anxious/excited/TERRIFIED thoughts running through my head at any given time. As March 22nd gets closer, I am sure the TERRIFIED will be the more predominant thought. Tomorrow a.m. I have my pre op appointment with Dr S. They scheduled me for my cardio stuff in the afternoon, since I will be in Salisbury to see him in the a.m. I know everyone has talked about the cardio stuff, and I thought since they hadn't mentioned it to me in two visits, that I might actually be 'coasting' on that, but NOOOOOOOOOO .. I have to go AND .. btw, Kimmer, I love the picture and even before you 'fessed up that it's your ID badge picture, I was guessing that! And I've fixed that problem with the eyes .. I just cover 'em up. Of course that has pretty much made a mess of my monitor . I am getting stressed here at work. I have a couple of major projects that I need to get done before I go, and I am now planning as though March 16 will be my last day here. I have a conference out of the office on the 17th, and the 18th is the IVC filter thingy, so I am allowing time that I might not feel like being here on the 19th after the filter. Anyway, my lunch minutes are about up here, so I had better get back too it. Hugs, Mo doin' the 19 days and a wake up happy Mo dance

I did the SAME thing...pulled back and just lurked for about a day or two...it was too too something, but I didn't know what. Sometimes I am like an animal, and want to run away and take care of my pain myself and come back out of the woods when the worst is over, and other times I want someone to pamper me and give me support.....

Oh, Sally...I so-o-o-o know that 'animal' thing 'bout healing. I've lived alone for so long, and I HATE being sick/hurt in front of ANYone. My biggest stress while preparing for this was that my precious Mom is going to be staying with me immediately post-op, and what a time for her to be there. If I feel pain, she takes it on herself and feels it worse FOR me. I finally had to accept that she WOULD be staying with me, I had no choice, I would have to get thru it. So I sat down and TOLD her that the first words out of my mouth WILL be "WHY DID I DO THIS? WHERE WAS MY HEAD?", etc, etc., but explained that that'll only be short term, and NOT to take anything personally, I'll just be reacting to the situation. But if I have to be worried 'bout her while I'm going thru it, I'll just get a Visiting Nurse. She was so-o-o cool about it, said "Well, Dear, the first time you say anything like that I'm just gonna squirt some of your pain stuff into your mouth and shut you up. So how does THAT sit with you?" I'm telling you, that woman surprises me every day. I howled, and I realized she'll roll with it. I'm so blessed that she's MY Queen Mum! But I lick my wounds in private, I hurt and heal alone. So this is going to be QUITE an experience for me. Kimmer Queen of the Niners, Instigator to All Marchers, High Priestess of Giggles Zero-minus-5 and 16.4 workhours!

Yes, that was what my husband worried about back in my childbearing days,....he had heard that women curse them and scream and say all kinds of bad things, but I was completely calm, never hardly whimpered all thru 3 childbirths much to his relief. Now, with this surgery, 40 years later, my honey (wish I had a better name for a 67 year old boyfriend) is going to be with me for surgery day, and in a way I am happy and in a way I don't know if I want him to see me coming out of the anesthetic...I know I am always uncomfortable and crabby....but then again, just having a hand to hold as I drift in and out of lucidness is nice. I wi**** were over....I am a great healer and bounce back fine usually, but the anticipation is awful.....especially with a "controversial" surgery like this...I don't even want to tell too many people beforehand...I will wait until they know they can't talk me out of it or give me any negative statistics. Well, 13 days to go.

Aww, Mo Fiend... I'm sorry you're feeing it. But it's about time! This, too, shall pass. I'm STILL waiting to freak out, but alas, it just isn't happening for me. (I'm not complaining...believe me. I'm a MESS when I'm scared, which isn't often...). You do whatever you need to do to gather yourself up. If I can help in anyway, I'm an email/phone call away. I've been under a bit of 'duress' myself, and I feel bad that I'm not able to follow thru with my plans to hit everyone's pages, etc, etc. Sis almost had major surgery this weekend, Queen Mum was disgusted and concerned at the same time, work is going very slowly and has become almost unbearable (since Boss Lady now realizes I'm leaving her and she's lashing out at me...cheez...). On top of it, I'm cleaning out my office and my legs are KILLING me from a zillion trips so far to/from my car. How did I accumulate so much stuff here? So I have my platter a bit full, too. I totally understand what the word "overwhelming" means. I'm there, just trying to tread water. But each and every POST-op update is making me squeal with joy, and that's what's kept me going. I feel like it's my birthday, all the good news. Hang in there, my Fiend...holler if you need ANYthing. Oh, I've heard white-out doesn't come off monitors. Use a sticky note next time. Love you, Mo! Kimmer Queen of the Niners, Instigator to All Marchers, High Priestess of Giggles Zero-minus-5 and 17.5 workhours!

Mo, You are so precious to so many of us. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))) I'll kick up the prayers for you and ask Him to get you through all this pre-op anxiety and 'stuff.' Love Betty

Oh Mo In Maryland.... land where I grew up(Bethesda) This is normal. Like the others have said... it is fear of the unknown... think about Churchill.... we have nothing to fear , but fear itself.... i am blessed to be so incredible busy i cant think about being afraid... house on the market, midterms(sr. in college) four kids, basket ball turnaments.... it is all going to be fine... you have blessed us with so much positive energy.... i am praying it all your way.... hang in there..... I will give you all the details after my turn... Andie on the 8th

Lurk all you need to Mo... we know you're here.. and if you need us just give a holler.... You're just restin up those dancin feet.... HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Kathy

Mo, I know just how you feel. I've been having alot of the same feelings myself. Two nights ago I wrote letters to my kids, husband and Mom; "just in case". I can't wait to tear them up when I get back home from surgery. My job has been making me crazy. I have so much that I have to finish by next Wed. because nobody else there can do it. Meanwhile, today I felt like just staying home in bed. Guess it was just a little anxiety coupled with fear of the unknown. I know that all I have to do to feel better is come to the March board. You take it easy girl. Take it one day at a time, and get a good night sleep. Hugs N Kisses, Karen 7 days and a wake-up

I'm soooo glad you said something I thought I was the only one doing that ...