I almost gave up

Hi yall, I have to be very honest here. I almost gave up on this board and went back to lurking again this a.m. I am an early a.m person, my day starts about 5. I was really taken aback this morning when one of the first posts I read had to do with someone not happy with the way we support each other. I am not sure what days or posts that person read in their 'several' days of reading, but I don't think there has been a day since I gave up lurking and posted my own date, that there hasn't been a discussion of protein, food, liquid, fears, vitamins, etc. and just general hugs and unconditional love shown on this board. What was said this a.m. really cut me and I realize that is MY issue, and I will have to deal with it in my own way. My post here is to vent my own frustration instead of going back to that person's post and saying what I would REALLY like to say to them. I don't expect to be the center of attention here and I don't expect to make anyone else the center of attention. I have always seen the utmost respect given to each and every member of this group and I resent someone thinking or saying otherwise. Soooooooooooooooo . now I have said my piece. I am late for work .. yet again!! (what a surprise). Hugs & smooooches Mo (original admitted lurker) (doin' the 27 day boogie )

Mo, First--GREAT PICTURE! Second, realize we are all different, and have different needs. I, for example, need your dancing feet here!!! 'nough said! Joy

Hi Mo, I think this board is great and the chat last night was fun and informative. I found the humor here a little daunting, and confusing, but when I asked about it the explantion was so pleasant and helpful that I felt very comfortable. Some people don't know how to go about getting their needs met. And some folks need lots of attention. Don't let it get to you. Have a good day at work, and keep dancing.

uh - i know how to get my needs met. and, i do not need lots of attention. if you found the humor here "daunting and confusing", then i would think you could understand kind of where i was coming from. you know, i may not have had nice things to say about the overall tone of the board, and maybe i should've just went away and not said anything at all. but, you don't know me - you don't know anything about me. to say that i "don't know how to go about getting my needs met" and "need lots of attention" in a thread created specifically to discuss how wrong it was to feel as i was feeling... maybe also not so nice, eh?

i'm sorry if it upset you. but that's what i was feeling - i never said that there wasn't respect for others on the board. i mean, i kept coming back to the board and it just seemed like everything i clicked on was about nominating people for "offishal something or others" for "newpouch, usa"... i guess it made me feel almost like i was looking in on a "clique" that i wasn't a part of, and that i really didn't even understand. that's a little intimidating for someone new to come in on, you know? i've apologized and tried to explain myself in the original post - one thing you will learn about me if i do stick around the boards is that i am brutally honest. i will tell it exactly as i see it - i know that takes people aback sometimes, but that's who i am. in the future, i would appreciate it if you would be as direct with me - if you have something to say to me or about me, please say it to me instead of making me the topic of a thread, which only supports my original post. maybe i have not been christened with a title in newpouch, but i am here.

Mo Fiend, my buddy... I unnerstan' where you're coming from. But don't take it so seriously! We can't please EVERYONE! Please keep in mind that the anxiety level in everyone is escalating now. We may be seeing more of this kind of complaint, and probably some complaints that we couldn't think up on our WORST day. Heck, we just had one yesterday of a similar nature, and that one was addressed immediately, too - "slam-dunked" with firm "tough love" and explanations seeping with yet MORE humor! Keep in mind how cranky and agitated humans get when they're stressed. It will probably only get worse from here, toots. Just keep in mind the nature of the beast. And keep dem Coronas handy 'til surgery... I've looked at the history of both complaints and I'm not concerned about either of them. I've taken responsibility for our board, I do my homework - I go to the other boards and look for their posts there, and then I become even LESS worried. Remember the problem we had the other day where someone was advised not to go to the memorial page? That poster had gone to several other boards and asked how to get to the memorial page there, too. Every other board advised the poster NOT to "go there", but the poster did anyway, and then had a meltdown. What can ya do? Ya can't force feed common sense to people. So I just let that go - we did what we could, and we did it in concern and compassion. I feel bad that the kid is freaked out, but she was warned WAY plenty of times. Some people are 'needy' and crave attention...but we still tend to them. If I ever saw someone post "quit your whining and grow up" or something of that nature, I'd step in IMMEDIATELY and you'd see why I was notorious for flaming in days past - I wouldn't tolerate that no matter how much I felt it. There are other ways to make a point. As it is, we are VERY classy Marchers who overlook the 'warts' and still run to anyone who needs it. You and I have both seen the other boards (I still lurk for recon reasons), and we are so-o-o NOT them! Unless you're an "old timer" there, you don't even get an acknowledgement of your post on some boards. I've never seen a "0 replies" status on any of our posts. We're a very close-knit loving group who welcomes EVERYONE in with open arms. Heck, I've gone OUT and recruited Marchers who weren't getting answers on other boards. We have several of my recruits now 'regulars' in Newpouch and LOVING it. Nah, everyone is welcome, and that's all we can try to do. "Laughter is the best medicine" is true, as we've witnessed so far. But if someone can't handle it, all they have to do is use the scroll key and bypass it. Or they can go back to the other boards. It's their choice. But this is the pace The Marchers have set for themselves, and it's probably the way it will stay. This complaint was just eerily similar to my employer who thinks that you can't have fun and get the job done at the same time (Mr. Mo would be able to confirm that...). I've been working under THAT thinking for 19 years now, and I'll be DARNED if someone's gonna tell me that on THIS board, too! Nah, keep yer Depends close by - it's not gonna stop. Just don't get yer blood pressure topped out over something that isn't gonna even MATTER tomorrow! Everyone's entitled to their opinion, but they should realize that their opinion is just that - THEIR opinion. Newpouch is going to be just fine, my Mo...don't you worry yer little dancin' feets off over THAT notion, 'kay? Kimmer Lets It Roll Off Her Back Zero-minus-14 and 8 work days to go!

Well it looks like I missed a chat last night. I really like them but I had to do my income tax to have $ to pay for the hospital bill. Oh well. I feel like I am more a part of this board than any other board. I found this one by accident just like everyone else and I am glad I did. I know my personality is more serious than others but I really appreciate the humor the rest have and I am hoping it will rub off on my, just a little. Here I am again sneaking a peak at work. lol

??? you looked into the "history" of my complaint? you've taken "responsibility" for the board? "newpouch is going to be just fine"? and you were voted "grand puba of newpouch" when? perhaps this is what i was talking about... yes, you can have fun and still get the job done. but when people don't even realize what is going on and it's talked about repeatedly, when people feel excluded and intimidated...how is that fun? i've been on the outside of the group my entire life because of my weight. no one should feel that way here. and just because i'm the only one who posted about it, does not mean i am the only one who feels this way. whatever. i've tried to explain what i was feeling and why.

Kym... On the few (two, I think, in the WEEKS I've been on this board) times anything negative was posted about our group, I HAVE looked into it..."history" probably wasn't a good word to use in that context. I searched around to see if the allegations could be supported. I've looked at the poster's posting history on our board, on other boards, etc, to see if they posted a lot and were not answered there, etc., or if they received a negative response to a post...that sort of "looking in to it" - to see what may have motivated their negative post. I found that you rarely posted anywhere - you, as many, probably just only read the posts, what "WE" refer to as "lurking" ("lurking in the background, never posting"). There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. So I couldn't figure out why, when you only posted once on the Michigan board, and once on THIS board, you'd have had that negative opinion of us. The post on the Michigan board was about your itchy problem, and you received several good replies, so I didn't feel that anything I would add could help. The ONLY post you posted here until the one in question right now, was on 2-20, where you 'introduced' yourself...and ~I~ was the FIRST to answer/welcome you in. Several others replied after that, also welcoming you in. So unless I've missed something, you only posted once, and never asked a single "meat and potatoes" question. How can you judge this board by THAT? We can't read your mind and pull the questions out of your head, you have to POST them before we can address them. In between all the laughter, didn't you pick up anything about protein or water or diets or Angels or that everyone is anxious and nervous or ANYTHING else? And quite frankly, we're ALL "newbies" here - we haven't had our WLS yet, so many of the questions you MAY have had (but didn't post), we probably couldn't have answered anyway! (But I'll tell ya something...if we didn't know, we'd've found out for you...that's just how we are). We're FAR from being UEOEs (Ultimate Experts On Everything) - a better source for questions that we can't answer WOULD be by reading the other boards where people post with their experience, or the library or the Q&A section (altho I've found both of those to be lacking). But if you didn't post a question, how can you expect an answer? We're not psychic (altho I'm sure if anyone reads this now, they'll 'put in for the position'). You have to POST before we can ANSWER. Even a reply to someone else's post will let us know you're around. I DO take responsibility for this board, or, better worded (I was in a hurry this morning but had to calm Mo down), I take responsibility for what I do on this board. Just like Va, I retraced the posts to see if we somehow missed you, and concluded that nope, we didn't. So I just couldn't figure out where you were coming from. Yesterday Louise posted that she totally didn't understand the "language" some of us use...and it took up most of our day to precisely explain what it is and how it works. We all made sure Louise was given a full explanation so she, too, could feel a part. She didn't just register a complaint, she asked "what's UP with this...help me understand..." and she now does. We could have referred her to about 3 pages of previous posts to read in full ('cuz this board is more like delayed chat...it's FAST), but that wasn't "our" approach, we PERSONALLY addressed her question. That's because she took the time to ASK. And that's because of the kind of people we are: we CARE about everyone. EVERYone. NO ONE is left out of this board unless they choose to sit on the sidelines. That's why I'm sitting here again trying to explain what the heart and soul of Newpouch is. It's about people like Va who takes VALUABLE time every day to refresh the list of Marchers so we can all have it for our use. It's about Joy who's taken charge of those going before us, those first-week Marchers, and making sure they're following their pre-op instructions to get ready for next week. It's about Mo, who in her heart felt like she may have offended someone and was going to pull out...not that any of us would ALLOW that to happen. It's about me, who privately watches EVERYONE to make sure their needs are met, and run to them when they're not. And like it or not, I find humor everywhere and have found that laughing is a much better alternative to crying. I have a gift of pulling people out of their 'funk' with gentleness and light-heartedness, and it's nice to see that many others around here have that gift, too. Fortunately, there are MANY on here that would rather laugh than scowl, and it's become home to us. Even those who don't actively join in the silliness send me emails saying how we lifted their spirits that day, that their heart was heavy, that just READING the love and goofiness brought them a desperately needed smile, and that the tough phase passed for them. I consider this SUCCESS. I LAUGH. I LOVE to laugh. I'm sorry if it doesn't "work" for you, but that's how I am, that's how WE are. It has certainly helped others on this board. Yes, Newpouch WILL be fine, Kym. We've established some precious and deep friendships here that I know will be life-long in some cases. We've been kindling these friendships for a time now: in some cases, weeks, in other cases, merely a couple of days. We've greeted everyone who's entered our world. We've shaken their hand, given 'em a hug, and let them bloom where they decided to plant themselves. But it was those who extended THEIR hand back and jump in who are those that you may be watching while thinking you're on the outside. It's all about what you put in to it. Even if you can only spare a little time a day (i.e. Martha, right off the top of my head), that has no bearing on what kind of a relationship you'll have with the people here. I've become VERY endeared to Martha, yet I've only posted to her maybe a half-dozen times. No, it's your involvement that's going to get you answers and results. We don't leave ANYONE out on this board. We've all made that clear. EVERYONE is welcome and embraced. If you felt left out, perhaps it's because you stayed out? If there are others that feel that way, perhaps we don't see THEM, either. You're going to get out of this what you put in to it. I really hope to see you make the effort to become more involved with us. I think if you give us a try, you'll find a group of people unlike others you've ever met. Kimmer

i'm not wanting to argue with you. i just thought that you guys might want to know that there are people out there having this surgery in march that are going through some of the sames things you are... but don't post here because it seems so "clique-ish". you wouldn't believe the emails i've gotten since i posted that thread. so, fine. you have "newpouch". but, just know that just because all of the people in "positions" are happy and having fun does not make it a successful "city" or "community" or board. not when you have so many "average citizens" that feel so left out.