10 days and counting. Do I tell??

Tamera B.
on 2/20/04 12:54 pm - Richfield, MN
Ok Folks!! Don't know about you all but I am freaking out a bit. The thing that is giving me the most trouble is what do I tell people. I have not been able to openly tell people that I am having gastric bypass surgery. I told my employer that I am having my gal bladder removed and that is why I need the time off. I feel that this is not completely honest but I just don't want to admit to them that I am not strong enough to loose weight on my own. What will they say? Input on this would be helpful. What have you told others who are co-workers or acquaintences.
lemarie22
on 2/20/04 1:49 pm - Glendale, AZ
Tamera, I didn't tell anyone at work other than my boss while I was fighting for insurance approval. I finally decided to tell my staff because I have one employee who is like Chicken Little running around gossiping and thinking the worst about everything. I was afraid that when I started dropping weight fast, he'd be speculating that I had cancer or AIDS and getting himself and everyone else worked up. A couple of staff took it in stride and didn't have much to say, some were really excited for me and Chicken Little thought the worst and was concerned that I was doing something so drastic. It's such an individual decision. I guess it all depends on what kind of people your co-workers are. I chose to tell before I go for surgery so they have plenty of time to take up a collection and send me flowers. lol Connie
JoyCook
on 2/20/04 2:17 pm - Little Rock, AR
Boy, I can sure relate! I have been telling friends and coworkers, one at a time, in order of my trust that they would not tell. I figure I really don't care what they know afterwards. Hopefully my loss will be so drastic that it will be obvious! But I was really afraid of being hit with everyone's judgement and horror stories. So far, I have told husband and daughters (Husband and one daughter very supportive, other daughter respects my choice but is concerned). I have told 2 friends from church. They both are VERY supportive. I have told my boss and HR person and 2 other friends at work. I feel close to all of them. They have ranged from VERY supportive to supportive. No one has come to me with horror stories or tried to talk me out of it. To my knowledge, no one has told anyone. Truly amazing! I find that with each one I tell, my stress level drops a bit. I have to admit that with one exception, I have avoided telling obese friends. I'm more afraid of their reactions as they project their feelings. I still haven't told my 89 year old mother. I have decided that I will tell her after surgery. Hopefully, I can keep her from finding out until after I get home from the hospital though so that she will be able to see that I am OK. I can't tell you what to do, but maybe the reactions I have gotten will help you decide. Funny thing--- I am a "lightweight" in this crowd, with a BMI of 39. I already have co-morbidities from the weight, and all related doctors steered me in this direction. But I expected people to say "You don't need this surgery--you aren't heavy enough". I'm almost offended that they didn't! Guess I didn't see myself as I really am!! Joy "Canary" (3/1)
Tamera B.
on 2/20/04 9:40 pm - Richfield, MN
My Mother knows and is extremely supportive. She weighs in at approximately 140 and has been concerned about my weight forever. I have told my boyfriend who is now considering doing it himself. This will be a real strain on our relationship as I start to loose the weight and he remains the same. I love him dearly and do not want to make him start to feel worse about his weight or to start hating me for doing this. He already know all about it. I think I will start telling my closest and most trusted friends to see what they say. I am also a lightweight compared to some of my friends and realitives. 230 and a BMI of 40. I just have to remember to be very careful how I start acting when the weight comes off.
mo21012
on 2/20/04 8:40 pm - Anne Arundel County, MD
Morning Tamera, I am with Joy on this, I have told some people at work, my boss was first, and she was very supportive. (to the point where I was looking for a 2nd surgeon because the first was out of network with insurance, she told me to make sure that I didn't make a decision based solely on insurance, to be sure of the experience factor, etc.). I told my staff last. They knew that I had had a few appointments, and I had made some comments about 'maybe' having to be out for a few weeks, but rather than let them panic not knowing, I told them individually and privately. As for my friends, I have told the people closest to me. Only one has been against it. And that is because she knows someone who has had problems since his. Well, she has even admitted that he doesn't follow the doctor's directions, sooooooooooooooo .. I am not letting her get to me. AND even though she is 'against' it, she is still supportive, if that makes any sense at all. I have not told my parents, most specifically my mother. My mother is 84 years old and incredibly judgemental. She has battled weight all her life and is a TOPS queen or some other such title. I have sworn both of my sisters to secrecy about this, and told them I will tell her in my own time. Probably at some point down the road when I can go visit and tell her. But then, I may never tell her. Out of my circle, my husband has needed to tell his boss, in order to be clear for the time he will need to be off. My doctor is 85 miles (an hour and a half) away, and Mr Mo has been able to be there to go with me each time I have had to drive to Salisbury (except for the Saturday support group meetings). Speaking of Saturday meetings, I had better get untangling and drying here, so I can hit the road in 40 minutes. Hugs, Mo (dancin' to the tune of 30 days and countin' )
meanie0312
on 2/20/04 11:27 pm - New Albany, IN
I still havent even told my boss (I told him that I was having abdominal surgery) and have told very few people at work.
Lee Ann B.
on 2/20/04 11:56 pm - Boonville, MO
I had read the question and answer boards in here and kinda made my decision based on some of the problems other people had who DIDN'T tell (problems like rumours of having cancer and aids and being bulimic, anorexic, etc). So, I decided to tell, but take it cautious. The thing is, I'm scared and nervous and I'm way to sensitive to what others think of me. So, I decided to tell my employer (who is confidential) and several co-workers that I know I could count on to be supportive. I had also told my family what I was pursuing and made sure they had access to THIS site and others that could answer their questions. THEN, I didn't tell anyone else until insurance approval came through. Yesterday, I told all my co-workers via e-mail. In that email, I worded it carefully. I told them that I was doing this with my doctor's full support and agreement. I also told them that my surgery was considered "a medical necessity"...which it was or insurance wouldn't have approved it. I also told them that I wanted to THANK all of my friends that are supportive and appreciate them not talking negatively about things they don't know much about. I asked them to keep my surgery in their confidence and allow me the right to tell others as I'm ready, etc. This e-mail seemed to neutralize those that I knew would be mean spirited and gossipy. Even a few of them wrote me back and gave guarded "good luck" messages. Now, I've determined to not say much more to anyone until after I start losing and people start asking. I don't really CARE what people think of me once the surgery is working and I can prove them wrong in that it was a mistake, etc. I hope this helps you. Best of luck to you...and us ALL. Lee Ann
TAMERA I.
on 2/21/04 6:29 am - Waterford, MI
WELL TAMERA MY BOSS HAD THE SURGERY 1-30-04 SO IT WAS HARD NOT TO TELL HIM. I EVEN SUPPORTED HIM!! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS
Melissa R.
on 2/21/04 9:10 am - Moultrie, Ga
Ok here is my input on this. Most of our co-wokers know we have weight problem, probally more talk around the cooler saying .. that lady just needs to stop eatting or she is just to big to be on her feet all day. Or they are nicer people who do care about our health. Either way they are already talking. So why not give them something to talk about, I think anyone who has a heart hun is only going to support you and think what your doing is very brave and the out come better for your life. Bottem line... do worry if they know or not. I just tell people i am having the surgery that will help me lose weight. and if they want to know more i answer what i can. And good luck on your up coming surgery! ((hugs)) Misty
Pat/Louise W.
on 2/22/04 9:09 am - Bradenton, FL
RNY on 03/18/04 with
Hi Tamera: Just wanted to give you my input. I don't tell anyone about any health issues - mamograms, pap smear results etc. I also don't discuss my income and other personal matters. So I am not telling anyone other than my husband and daughter. They will not tell anyone. I can't tell my Mom because she's bound to let it out of the bag. If anyone asks I will say that I had gall bladder surgery. If they ask about my weight loss I will simply say that I am on a diet. People need to talk about something and they have opinions that they can't keep to themselves. I choose not to deal with family, friends, and co workers on that level. I realize that most people on these boards feel compelled to discuss their wls and that is up to them. I just want to point out a different view altogether. All the best to you.
Most Active
Recent Topics
10 years ... yesterday
mo21012 · 0 replies · 879 views
Ten Years Today
reenieb · 0 replies · 1014 views
10 years
Virginia H · 0 replies · 699 views
10YearsToday!
wlsurvivor · 2 replies · 853 views
9 years plus 1 day
pammy157 · 0 replies · 828 views
×