scared

Im so scared.. Omg I have never been so scared in my life. I cant stop crying. Im not sure I can do this. I cant leave my babies. I keep thinking Im only going to have 18 days left with them. ONly 18. For pete's sake they are only 3 and 5. Ive only known them for such a short while and they are WONDERFUL people. How selfish can I be?? I should just stay fat and miserable.. at least they'll have me in their lives right? Im driving them crazy with all the hugs and tears. Everytime I call to them, they roll their eyes.. the little stinkies cuz they know a hug is coming. Ill miss my family so much. Why does death have to happen to some people who have this surgery? Why cant it be a simple procedure like a tubal? Only you guys understand how this fear feels. My fiance, he's so supportive, but when I air my fears he just tells me Ill be alright. How does he know?? I get angry and say "how can you say that??!!" Im going crazy. Im miserable like this.. but Im miserable cuz Im doing something about it. Whats wrong with me???!!! Sorry for all the "I's" and "Me's" ((((((((Marchers))))))) Thanks for letting me vent. :hugs:

Hang in there, Sweetie! Death happens to "fat and miserable" people too--alarmingly regularly! Death will happen to all of us. But none of us wants it to happen now. Yes, we are in this together. Let's all take a deep sniffling breath and try to put the risk into perspective. The professionals believe that for each of us the chances of death via surgery are less than the chances of death without it. Some of us are higher risk (both with and without the surgery) than others. There is a risk associated with riding in a car too, but most of us get in our cars every day without giving it serious thought. Yet, most of us know more people that have lost their lives in auto accidents than in WLS surgery. Your babies need you to be able to live to see them grow up. They need you to be able to romp and play with them. They need to be proud of you for making this courageous choice. They probably need a few more hugs and kisses in the next hour too--go ahead and endulge yourself! There are no calories in kisses! Joy (3/1)

Thank you for the kind words. I totally appreciate them. After re-reading my post I sounded like a sniveling baby. You are so right when you said this "Your babies need you to be able to live to see them grow up. They need you to be able to romp and play with them. They need to be proud of you for making this courageous choice. They probably need a few more hugs and kisses in the next hour too--go ahead and endulge yourself!" It is courageous. Im willing to face death in order for them to have a better and healthier Mommy. Sometimes all it takes is someone who understands to put it all into perspective. Thank you so much.

JESSICA!!! stop!! lol. you are going to make me cry! lol we have the same last name by the way. (My husbands name) he is portuguese are you as well? Please calm down. I just found out I have less than 2 weeks! They moved my date to March 3rd! I have been thinking the SAME EXACT THING!!! My little precious baby is 5 years old. I cant imagine him without me! It tears me up inside. But I want to give my son everything that I can and I am not doing him any good being this big. I feel like I cannot do my job because of my weight. He deserves the best and I want to give it to him. You just set in your mind. I AM GOING TO PULL THROUGH THIS!!! Start walking now! Make sure NO MATTER HOW MUCH PAIN YOU ARE IN To WALK WALK WALK as soon as humanly possible after surgery. The next day!! blood clots happen because we are sedentary and dont move around. ask your surgeon about what precautions they take for blood clots and they will probably tell you they give you a certain medication that helps thin the blood a little like my surgeon does and they will tell you that you HAVE TO WALK. You will do fine sweety! just keep yourself calm and walk. my surgeons held a seminar and was like oh and you have to walk. then like 5 second later he was like Oh did i mention that you have to walk? then he would say somthing else and go.. oh yeah and walk... lol it was really funny but thats the key Im here if you want to chat Lots of luck ((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))) you'll be alright Elizabeth M

Im sorry. I didnt mean to make you cry too. I plan on walking my butt off in the hospital... pain or no pain.. BTW yea.. I am portuguese.. half anyways. Do people always mispronounce your name too?? It sounds like you attended a great seminar. My surgeons office doesnt have them... but there is a support group I NEED to go to... its just on the wrong nights. Dammit.. lol. I can do this.. I can do this.. I can do this.. I can do this.. Thats gonna be my new mantra. I can do this ---Jessica I can do this 18 days till meltdown begins.

I'm having surgery on March 8th also I'm very SCARED we wouldn't be normal if we were not scared. Just think about what life will be like afterwards with the babies. Good Luck!!!! Debbie Westmoreland

Hi Jessica, honey, First of all, you are entitled to all the "I"'s and "me"'s you want and need. Secondly, I would think you were an idiot if you had absolutely no concerns about this procedure. We have all done the weighing in (no pun intended) on the scenarios of this surgery. Let me tell you what my surgeon told me (paraphrasing): "I'm sure you heard in the news recently that someone died during this procedure. Have you read in the papers or heard on the television about the deaths in the last year during heart surgery? What about during transplant operations or deaths occurring during routine surgeries like gallbladder operations or appendectomies? What about deaths per year related to childbirth? No? No press on those? There's a reason." He continued: "Until society stops viewing bariatric surgery as a cosmetic procedure or as a quick fix for people who can't control themselves and don't deserve our sympathy, the number of unfortunate deaths that occur in this field will continue to be Page One news." I HAD heard, as he said, that someone had a died at a local hospital during bariatric surgery. What I knew, however, was that it wasn't at my hospital, it wasn't my doctor, and even if it had been both, I decided to look at the numbers, as my doctor suggested. Numbers don't lie, and the odds are EXCELLENT that you are going to come through this with flying colors. Truly. As much as I want this weight off, I am not (and I don't think ANYONE here - no matter how depressed over being overweight) in any way, shape, or form ready to die to be thinner. I am a sensible, intelligent person *****searched this surgery for three years before making the decision. Do you think we've all signed on for suicide? I would gently suggest that it's a possibility that you wrestle with control issues? My best friend can't fly in planes because of this sort of thing. It's amazing how those tendencies really seep into all aspects of our lives. You are absolutely normal to be concerned, and give yourself a break! You're entitled to be worried, but don't overdramatize the situation. There is absolutely no evidence that you are going to die in eighteen days! Don't borrow trouble! Don't get wrapped up in fortune-telling. Worrying doesn't solve problems, it only exacerbates them. If this surgery were as risky as is worth the amount of worrying and crying you're doing, doctors simply wouldn't do it! The malpractice suits would send hospitals into bankruptcy and the procedure would fade away in disrepute. INSTEAD, more and more people are signing on daily to get help with this problem which, to an enormous extent, is not our fault! They're finding new evidence all the time that this is genes-related. I suggest that you write down your schedule in a notebook for when you come home from the hospital. Prepare absolutely everything that you can in advance, so that when you go to the hospital to have this surgery, you can relax knowing that all the pieces are in place. Finally, and I don't want this last part to be taken at ALL as an insult: You said it yourself, you're "fat and miserable." Ask yourself - honestly - what depth of contribution you can make to your children - as far as serving as an example of well-adjustedness and happiness - if you continue to me desperately unhappy for the rest of what may end up being a short life anyway, if you don't take steps away from morbid obesity. I know what it is like to grow up in an unhappy household, and unless you take care of yourself first, you won't have anything to give to your children that they can truly take out into the world to be of help. I always knew I was loved; I know you love your children and they will always know that. I'm here to tell you that knowing my parents loved me was never enough. Go easy on yourself, work your way through your feelings, but most of all - be real with yourself and don't get trapped in your own docudrama. It's a deep hole. Why not go to Barnes & Noble and get a de-stressing tape? I just bought Louise Hay's audiotape called "Stress-Free." It has affirmations on one side and the same on the other side in subliminal format with beautiful music. It was about ten bucks. I listen to it every night as I go to sleep. Get your house ready; make your environment as calming as you can. Go in with a peaceful mentality and know that we are all sending beautiful, safe, healing thoughts and prayers your way. Lots of love and hugs, Katarina

Katarina.. I dont know what to say.. but THANK YOU!!!!! Your post, OMG.. eased my mind. Thank you. I am a drama queen.. My fiance calls me Miss Piggy, not cuz Im fat but because of how she acts.. I feel silly. But thank you.

You made some great points! Thanks! Joy (3/1)

Jessica... Yeah, what they said. I couldn't add anything more to their heartfelt thoughts. All I CAN add is that we're ALL here for you WHENEVER you need us. Kimmer Zero-minus-19 and counting!