S.O.'s

I'm happily SINGLE without a S.O. at this time, but it wouldn't have mattered to me if 'he' would've approved or not: it's MY health, MY insurance, My life. I'm pretty selfish about this issue (and I'm not a real selfish person by nature...). I'd hope that if there was a S.O. around right now, he'd understand. But if not, that's alright, too... However, my Sister is the only non-supportive person in my life about this. It's breaking my mom's heart (not to mention leaving a VERY bad taste in her childrens' mouths...) Ironically, she had an open RNY ~2.5 years ago and has lost ~113 lbs. and done GREAT. She absolutely WILL NOT speak even a WORD to me (or anyone else) about my surgery. It's mind-boggling. Everyone feels that it's 'cuz she's afraid her "limelight" will be stolen if both of us end up thin and healthy, she won't be the center of attention anymore. I don't get it. Doesn't matter tho...she's the only one. Everyone ELSE is 1,000,000% behind me (especially today, since I'm in a FMS flare-up and look like the walking dead...everyone knows not to touch me when I'm like this, etc, they know that this is why I'm having the surgery and every one of them has asked "WHEN is your surgery?" - just gotta love 'em all! ) Kimmer Queen of the Niners, Instigator to all Marchers, High Priestess of Giggles Zero-minus-19 and counting!

Weird about your sister.... Have you asked her why she's against you having the surgery?

Well, I know part of the problem, and we suspect the other part... Let me take you back to the summer of 2001. Here I am at work, and I get an email from my sis telling me she's going to be having this surgery (she never has enough guts to tell me anything to my face...sissy...). Anyway, she asked my opinion...and I gave it. I told her she had 5 children who for the past 20+ years she claims that "everything I do is for my children", so if she dies on the table, how's THAT gonna be in the name of her children? (I'm being brutally honest with you, as i was with her). I told her my boss had WLS, and it didn't work, so before she had this done, maybe she'd better go BACK over her eating behaviors and correct them if she's gonna succeed with WLS. I reminded her how she's lost major amounts of weight when she applied herself, and she kept it off for pretty good periods of time...'til she'd pull her chair up to the refrig 'n start inhaling again (she doesn't work). I told her that this is NOT a 'quick fix' or a 'gimme' (she's never worked for anything she has...it's all been given to her). And so forth. Hey, don't ask me a question you don't know the answer to -- I'm honest, and these were my feelings! Anyway, she didn't talk to me for many months (literally) after that, and I didn't even realize she'd been in the hospital 'cuz she didn't tell me. Then, I started seeing a slight slim-down. In the meantime, a very close co-worker had the surgery, and EXCELLED right from the start. I saw this girl every day, and I was starting to pay attention now...then I saw my sister again, and she was gettin' thin and healthy. I told her how proud I was of her (I really am) - she'd just walk away and say nothing. Then, later, I figured out how terribly WRONG and MISINFORMED I'd been. First thing I did was APOLOGIZE to my sister in front of EVERYONE. I told her how wrong I'd been, how proud I am for her, etc, and asked for her forgiveness. Ah, nope. She's a very hard-hearted person and is the master at grudge-carrying. I've apologized to her several times, both in front of people and alone, and she just won't forgive me. That's her option...she's never in her life EVER apologized to me for some of the intentional pranks she's pulled on me, but I don't care. I'm a forgiving person and have already let it all go. But when I'm wrong, I don't have a problem admitting it, so I did. My God has forgiven me and my ignorance, and He's the only one that really counts. She just absolutely won't forgive me, and has made it plain to EVERYONE that she will have NOTHING to do with my surgery. Her friends that I've had occasion to speak with have a very different view of her as a result, and it's not a good one. Her kids are totally disgusted by her behavior, and it's caused my Mom physical pain (her ulcer has gone ballistic). Hate is a cancer - it affects everyone. The other reason that all of 'us' suspect is that for the first time in her life, she's "queen of the prom", the center of attention. We believe she's afraid she'll lose that position if I lose weight. Cheez...I don't WANT her frickin' tiara, I want to get out of pain. She used to be a nurse (for about 3 years 'til she became a housewife), so she of all people should be happy that I have this option. But she's a very selfish, hurtful person. No biggie. I've got all the support I can possibly handle. I actually feel sorry for HER -- if anything happens to me while I'm on that table, SHE is gonna have some SERIOUS baggage to carry with her for the rest of her life. Lovely, eh? Kimmer Queen of the Niners, Instigator to all Marchers, High Priestess of Giggles Zero-minus-19 and counting!

It's always sad when somebody deprives themselves of thier family because of their pride. I'm a grudge holder too, I wish I could have THAT surgically removed when they do the bypass Someone once told me that holding a grudge is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies from it. It didn't help me, but I thought it was a great line. You've done all you can - hopefully someday she'll realize she's being an idiot. /hug Linda

Not only was my hubby against this surgery even after sitting thru the consults... he was purposely sabotaging all of my efforts!!! Bringing home tons of junk and saying "SINCE YOU CAN NEVER HAVE THIS AGAIN" he admitted he was afraid of me dying in surgery.. OK I can understand this.. then he said "You're gonna get skinny and find a better man" I informed him that I was big when I found him and I could easily find a new man regardless of my size and if he didn't stop acting so stupid I'd be losing the 1st 250lbs of ugly fat real quick...(as in me leaving him) He finally straightened out and aside from resenting the fact that I banned all fast food and PEPSI from the house after surgery he didn't say much more to me.. Then I never got my surgery and I still have my pepsi so now he is happy.

My husband says he'll support me, but that he's against it 100%. Funny, how when I went to get my tubes tied he was all for it, even though he could have had a vasectomy and saved me the need for surgery. What he does is make little snide comments that drive me crazy... For example, last night he was going to the store and he asked me if I needed anything. I'd had a headache for an hour, so I said "Yeah, a new brain". His comment back was.. "Why don't you just get that bypassed too?". I love this quote tho! "if he didn't stop acting so stupid I'd be losing the 1st 250lbs of ugly fat real quick...". bahaha! Bravo! Excellent!

here is something for you...ive noticed my hubby was kinda standoffish for the last 2 days. i didnt understand it. he would pick fights and carry on about when i do this he isnt going to sit around and NOT eat his McDonalds all because I cant have it. He said if you want this...you deal with it. i told him i do and i will. after careful thought and a meticulous picking of his brain i found out that he was really nervous. when i first had my consult i was told i wouldnt be having surgery until May. then the nurse called this past wednesday and told me she was scheduling me for March 18th. well, of course without thinking about anyone else...i took it dammit!!! and why not? ive waited forever...finally one thing went my way. well, he was mad that i didnt discuss it with him first and here i am jumping right into this like its nothing...then he said something that really shocked me...in the middle of this huge fight he says..."you go around talking about it like its nothing. you say how excited you are and cant wait to be thinner and healthier, but dont you realize that you may never be able to be thin or healthy if you die?" and he screamed that at me. so i took a step back and put my thoughts in order and we had ourselves a nice chat. i just wanted to share that with everyone because because with the people who love you that is exactly what they are thinking...you may not know it...but it is. Love ya Kimmie

Huh, that is so totally how my hubby has been. He told me I could do whatever I wanted to do and then he started acting weird. Asked me if I had even thought about how I was going to take care of the kids, if it was going to bother me to have to still cook meals for the family even tho I wouldn't be able to eat it (he wasn't going to suffer just because I decided to do this, etc.). I never thought that this was his way of lashing out at me due to his fears of being without me. I'll have to take that into perspective. And Kimmer, I'm so sorry about your sister. That's really rough. My mom and I have a rocky relationship, but she's behind me 100% on this as are my sisters (except the religious--not that I'm not, just not in the way that she is -- one in California who wants me to do it His way -- that's another story). from me to you Whitney

Hey, Whit... Not a real big deal. She's my sister, I don't LOVE her any less. It's just really amazing to me that we're both from the same family. But I've lived with it for 47 years, and with a SMALL spurt here and there, it's always been like this with her, so I'm used to it. As a very young child, my Mom (in her wisdom) recognized that I'm the one with the "heart". She always taught ME to be the peacemaker, to be the one who forgives, that that's what Jesus loves more than anything. So from a very young age, I WAS the peacemaker and forgiver. Been doing it all my life, not gonna stop now. I know what the Lord requires of me, and I can say that I'm doing MY part...it'll all come out at the Bema Throne of Judgement. Hehehe... Nah, not to worry. Success is the best revenge! Kimmer Queen of the Niners, Instigator to All Marchers, High Priestess of Giggles Zero-minus-18 and counting!