S.O.'s

Anyone else have a significant other that thinks we're doing the wrong thing? Mine does. He thinks I'm taking the lazy way out. (As if 35 years of struggling is lazy). And even if he's right and I am lazy - the end result is a poorer state of health and quality of life which I'm trying to correct. Just wondering if anyone else out there besides me was doing this without your husbands (or Significant Other's as the case may be) blessing?

Hi Linda, I have been extremely lucky. My husband has been very supportive of all my previous attempts to lose weight and has stood by me when I finally reached the decision to have WLS. No one was more surprised than I when he (mr penny-pincher) said we would find a way to do this if I had to self pay. Fortunately, my insurance has been approved. And, for any who thinks this is the EASY way, they are far from correct. This is a life changing decision for us all. WLS is not the answer to our problems, but it is a tool that will help us overcome the weight. You are doing this for yourself and for your future. Hang in there, Hugs, Mo (and the dancing feet )

well hey there Linda. Im sorry that you're having a tough time with someone who should support you no matter what. my hubby was alittle against it at first. he kept coming up with all the negative stuff about the surgery...nothing positive. then when i made up my mind to actually go through with it i told him so...i said "babe, i want to know what you really think about me having this surgery...but, before you answer i really think you should know that my mind is made up to do this and nothing you say or do will change it." it might have been the wrong way to go but it actually worked...he supports me 100%. good luck, sweetie and you are in my prayers Kimmie

Hi Linda!! Join the club !! I am going through the same thing-so just know that you are not alone-we are in this together. When I began researching WLS I asked my husband what he thought about the idea. He didn't think that I was serious so he responded-"whatever you want." When he actually saw I was really serious his tune changed. Then I heard-"you haven't tried hard enough", "your just wanting an easy way", "you look fine to me" "why don't you get a personal trainer." On the positive side-I said "I asked you about this from the beginning and you said "Whatever I want." This is what I want and I am committed to it ." Things have been a bit better since then. He isn't actually supportive...but he isn't completely opposed either-at least he's keeping the negative comments to himself. I am however having this surgery on March 1st regardless...and know in my heart what my reasons are for it...thats all that matters to me. I have a friend who's mother and SO was the same way before surgery-but afterward they became 100% supportive. Time will tell!! God Bless!

My husband went to my all-day seminar/consult with me. If he thought this was the "easy way out", I think that set him straight. This is a tool, not a quick fix. I would wish that everyone's family would come around to being supportive but I realize that this may not happen. This is, however a decision that you must make for yourself, no matter how supportive your friends or family may or may not be. There are some partners so adverse that they fight the weight loss all the way. I think that this is a sign of deep insecurity on the part of the partner, but it happens. Sometimes relationships don't survive it. To me, a partner who does not support your efforts to become healthier and have a better quality of life is not really a life partner anyway, but that is easier for me to say than to believe when you are in that situation. You will probably become more attractive, both to him and others. You may become more outgoing as you gain confidence. It may be important to ask if he will support you in these changes. I am so sorry that you and others are not getting the support you need and deserve at home. Until that changes, and I hope it does, this is a great place to come. We all sure understand why you are doing this. Joy (3/1)

Hi Linda, Reading your message hits home, but it is my mom that does not approve. My husband told me that he will stand beside me. I gave him a hard 2003. Feb. had a heart attack had a stent put in ,In May I was walking the block with my sister I started having problems went to the hospital my stent was closed they open it back up, told me that I needed 2 med. stents put in to be carefully because I could have another heart attack but in June the med. stents came in so in all I had 3 stents.Then In Oct. my husband and I went to town I started having problems again went to the hospital has stress test, and all kind of different things they told me that all 3 stents had closed so they done heart surgery. After I started feeling better I decided the I was having wls. I was not going to tell my mother but I decided I better in case something went wrong. I did not want them to blame my husband. My other two teenagers said that if this is what I wanted to do they would back me .My dad is very heavy so when my mom and my oldest son started giving me problems about it he is the only one that did not say a word. Because he knows what I am going through. My mom is still having problems she ask me every day if I am going to cancel my date. I just tell her that I am thinking. But I have made up my mind my surgery is March 5. Evertime I go to the dr. she thinks I am seeing my heart dr..But I am getting ready for my re-birthday. So I know that you are going through, just hang in there do what you need to do. As you get a date and see how happy you are about the date he will change his mind. Tell him that you are doing this for you to feel good about yourself. I am doing this for my health too. Good Luck

Well, I'm lucky. My hubby loves me fat (and has only known me as such), but he actually was the one who put this on the table for me. After being shot down so many times by insurance, he convinced me to let our remodeling plans fall by the wayside for awhile and to just go self-pay to Mexico (which is all we have enough cash for). I felt it was selfish, but after hearing me talk so much one day about "If I was thin, I'd do this..." "If I was thin, I'd do that..." he finally got a funny look on his face and asked me that since I talk so much about how my life would be better if I was thin, why would I want so badly to have a remodel done on our house. I was shocked. I saw that as an "us" thing and the surgery as a "me" thing, but he didn't have to work hard to make me see that me being thinner and more energetic and less of a wallflower would be an "us" thing. Dina

Dina, just curious about you going to Mexico. How does that work? Also, how expensive is it? Thanks, Tammy

Tammy - Dr. Aguirre charges $8500 for the open RNY (the only type he does). He's booked up for about 3 months in advance but does have cancellations. By the time I'm done paying for myself and a friend to fly down there and get hotel rooms it will be $10,000 to $11,000. Considerably cheaper than in the states. He has a stellar reputation as well, so that is nice. Basically you stay in the private hospital for 2-4 days and he prefers you to stay in Mexico for about a week so he can keep an eye on you and take out drains and staples and such before you leave. That being, of course, because he cannot provide aftercare for you once you leave. So it takes finding a doctor in the states that will do aftercare for you and being prepared to deal with emergencies locally. By then though you should be pretty much out of the woods for the most part. I will pray I won't get a stricture. I think God will take care of me.

My fiance is extremely supportive. He's been holding my hand the entire way thru. But my best friend since 8th grade was not. He is a work out JUNKIE. He'll do 5 sit ups and have a six pack.. know what I mean? He thinks its the lazy way out.. He is no longer my friend. If he couldnt support ME in the biggest lifestyle change in my life, then he cant support me in anything.