Are you telling your friends? How are they reacting?

I am finding myself wanting to just disappear until surgery! So far I have just told my husband, daughters (ages 26 and 29), one friend and two co-workers (boss and HR person). My family is supportive, although my 26 year old really gave me the third degree before agreeing that if it is what I feel I need to do she is behind me. My friend is a real help and my HR person was too, but my boss (and friend) was very skeptical/worried. The skepticism seems to either come from a horror story that someone heard or a judgement that I don't need the surgery as much as someone else might. I think there is a mix of judgement about how I got this overweight in the first place. And although I know that my weight problem is obvious, I am embarrassed to admit it openly. Anyway, I have sworn them to secrecy, especially regarding my 89 year old mother. I just don't think I can handle the pressure of everyone's feelings about this, at least before surgery. Of course this cuts me off from some sources of support that I could have. I am not a secretive person and this is really hard for me. I may want to be very open about it afterwards. I just wondered if I am the only one feeling ambivilant about talking about this. What a long month ahead! I can't think about anything else! Joy "Canary" (3/1)

Hi Joy, I know exactly what you're going through. I told my boss that I need to take some vacation time in the fear that she will find out. I can easily take sick time off but don't want to get into it with our HR department. So many questions that I just don't need right now. My relatives know, but of course have their own feelings of why I shouldn't go through with it. My immediate family is on board though, so this really helps Some of my friends think I'm having day surgery to repair an infection that i made up....this is crazy. I know they'll be supportive, but still scared in the fear that this surgery won't work - FOR ME!! Can't risk failing once again. I am excited though - can't wait

Good question!!! I have told quite a few people at work about the surgery and everyone is very supportive. Of course, I am the 4th person in my workplace to have RNY, so that could be the difference. I have also told my closest friends, and though they don't believe I am *heavy enough* to need the surgery, they are very supportive as well. My family is also behind me 100%. I feel very blessed that I have such a super support system. I would say you should go with whatever feels right. Karla in CA

Dear Joy, I am also getting mixed reactions from people. Most reactions are supportive and helpful. Seems like everyone has heard of WLS now. I had negative reactions from a sister who had heard of bad outcomes, from an aunt who is worried and from my mother in law who would rather I lose weight by dieting. Overall I'm getting more support by being open about it. I feel lucky for that. I have enough doubts without other people sharing theirs. Some people are actually excited for me and that makes me really happy! Keep us posted on how this goes for you. Joan

I know just how you feel Joy. I too feel the same way. I have only told a few close friends and my family. Oh, and of course HR because I went to them first inquiring about my health insurance benefits; which there was an exclusion, so I'm self pay. I did tell my mgr. and assistant mgr. because I had to schedule vacation time off to go to Mexico. I am anxious to tell my other co-workers, but I feel like I should wait until the day I go because most everyone at work is on some kind of diet or another tooting their own horns to me that I should try their methods. I feel very happy for them, but those methods do not seem work for me alone. So, I will use this RNY as a tool to help me skate through this yo-yo weight war that I have been dealing with for years.

I guess I should add that I am having a hysterectomy at the same time. That give me something to tell people to explain the time off work and even hospitalization. Joy "Canary"

I have told a few people friends and family. My parents are both negative about the surgery but supportive in a "if that's what you feel you have to do" type of way. The same with my "adoptive parents" but I have one friend who had surgery in December and she is very supportive, one of my co-workers is very supportive (she tells me she is jealous and cant wait to see the "after" me), and my boyfriend is also being very good about this. So even though the more people you tell the more negative feed back you get the more chance you have to get positive feed back too.

Hey, Joy-ful Canary!! I've ended up telling way more than I'd intended to. Everyone's totally behind me. The only one who isn't supportive is my Sis, who had it done 2.5 years ago. Long ugly story. But everyone else is ALL for it, including all my doctors (I have a few). Only about half of those who know I'm having surgery know it's a gastric bypass. The others only know that I'm having "corrective surgery that I've needed for a long time". Yup...been fat a long time, and it's gonna correct a LOT of things. Above all, I'm hoping it'll "correct" some of my fibromyalgia symptoms, and for that, everyone is not only supportive, but REALLY HAPPY for me. 'Nuff said. Kim March Rules!

Joy, I had a strange thought come to my head before I decided who to tell. I went down a list in my head and actually picked and chose who I would tell and who I thought might not be favorable and give me "garbage" feedback that I didnt need. I chose to tell only my hubby, my 4 closest friends, Mom, sister, and my pastor. then I decided that because I am an at home Mom and spend a lot of time at my kids ( I have 7 kids) school I needed to let their teachers know what was going to happen. I had a hysterectomy in March of 1999 and didnt let the teachers know and my kids suffered in school through it with no support. The kids were scared and missed me and the teachers had no clue why, except that the kids could say I was in the hospital and they couldnt remember the name of why. It was a strong lesson to me that my kids teachers are their second Moms and they deserve to know what they can do to help support my kids. Just a little advice to anyone with kids, let their teachers or the guidance counselor know. I was sure to tell each teacher that I talked to that this was private information and I was sharing it with them as I felt it may effect my childs learning for a short time. Each reassured me it would go no further. One of my closest friends (one of the 4 I told) works at the school and she says no one has said anything. I am not embarrased about needing this tool, but I dont want to be used as a dart board by other people either. I think we all need to do what is right for us, there is NO right or wrong! Best wishes to you my losing friend! Janelle

Hi Janelle, how are you? I've been thinking about some of our long-lost friends on the Marchers board and have made a post recently to which I would really welcome your response. Could you take a peek and give a reply please? I'd so love to hear from you, as would so many others. Please drop in and say hello and tell us how you're doing - you have always been such an inspiration. Take care, Maureen