Just a Vent

I just have to tell you guys about this, get it out of my system and move on. My sister just left after a 10 day visit. As I've lost weight, she's gained and I know she feels bad about it. She's always been the tiny one in the family, but now she's the largest. She's never commented on my weight loss, she didn't call when I had wls or send a card and she didn't when I had PS either. I didn't expect her to. When she came out this time, I certainly didn't expect compliments on my flat tummy or smaller arms and I didn't get them. I'm OK with this and attribute it to her own issues with her weight. What I didn't count on were the digs. My dress wasn't flattering, my pants made my butt look big, my swimming suit made me look boxy and on and on and on. She has got to be frustrated, envious, or something, but I don't know what. Everytime I ask her what's going on and why all the attitude, she says she doesn't know what I'm talking about and says she's fine. I don't know if I'm more hurt, confused or ticked off. Is anyone else having issues with resentful friends or family members at this stage of the game and how are you dealing with it? I really thought she'd be over this after two years. Hugs, Connie

since i regained that 30 pounds and never got to goal-YET!--i cannot speak ...however, i'm sending ya a march hug!!!!! connie- i was hearing those types of remarks before my regain- but now i am near different ppl as well- ppl who didn't see me at my top weight or at my lowest prior to my regain-- hmmmm...i'll be anxious to see what others have to say......

hi connie, sorry i've nto been around the board lately work, ex's, no computer time issues have kept me away. today i'm playing catch up! i had a similar problem with my sister. i was always the bigger one but both of us and my mother were MB. we had often had issues in the past about weight but there are just the two of us with my mother for family so we worked though it. laughed about how i was the heavy one and moved on. when i talked the first time about looking into the surgery i got the first ingling of what would happen. absolutely NO support. so i kept quiet about the whole process. i wanted to make my own decision based on how i felt after i did all my research. in fact i didn't tell them about the surgery until 2 weeks before the day it happened. wow what a shock it was to them and how Mad they got! easter was just 2 weeks after i'd the surgery that year. I'd only been out of the hospital for alittle over a week. i always had easter at my place but this year told them that i wasn't able to do it. they did not like that! theylive in NH. my daughyer talked me into havving easter at my house but i made it perfectly clear i was NOT doing any cooking or shopping for food that i couldnt' eat. oh boy another problem! we were the family that ate together. meals treats candy food food food. nothing all that healthy either! when they got there i was doing my walk around the condo on the first floor. it was raining out and cold so i wasn't walking outside. i'd do timed laps hoping it equaled to a mile! i got constantly teased in a nasty way about how i was eating from a baby spoon. how i was drinking my meals. how i wasn't going to stick with it and would soon either die or gain all the weight back cause they knew 50 million people who had had this surgery who didn' tlose one single pound. i thanked them for their support and couldn't wait for them to leave. of couirse it didn't help that i had a reaction to medication so i ended up with masive hives and had to get some liquid benidril. ho boy did i hear all about that. all of their comments were made snottily. it upset my daughter who hadn't wanted me to have the surgery and was so afraid that i was going to die from it. well 2 years later and 120 pounds lighter i've proved them wrong. i didn' tdie from the surgery (duh i'm typing right???) i've kept the weight off (if you don't count that nasty 5 pounds) and i eat very well healthy and smart. they didn't change until a year ago but still woudlnt aknowledget that i'd lost any weight at all! when we would go shopping they would go to the plus department and i woudl go with them to avoid the looks and nasty comments. i figured i'd just go shopping by myself until they got over it. then my mother had to lose weight becasue of health issues. she is doing very good for a 86 year old. she's dropped 50 pounds. on her short frame she's looking very healthy and is more active and can move so much better. health wise she's improved her kidneys and heart even though they will never be the same but let me tell you she could outlive us all! my sister seeing how well my mother and i have done went back to weigh****chers and this time it is working! she's keeping with it. of course seeing how mom & i feel is helping her along with her very extremely competiviness. its also improved her golf swing! hahaha that alone will make her stick with it. she's lost 60 pounds herself and is now wearing a size 20 from her 26. i think she would fit into a 18 but she wears all her clothes so lose its hard to tell. i'm very very happy that they are doing good. comments from them? they've changed. they now aknowledge that i've lost weight and am "skinny" at a size 8 to 10 now the teasing i get is that i better save my old clothes cause they'll be needing them soon. I'm liking that a whole lot. i joke with my mom that she is losing to take this fake fur coat i bought that she kept trying on an its too small for her. i have a feeling it will fit her this winter. it would be such a joy to me to give it to her. good luck with your sister. sometimes they never heal from us changing even if it is for the good. pam

Boy Connie - after listening to this crap and having her flat out deny it, my evil side would be ever so tempted to throw it back in her face in a not so nice way. Something like "Well, although it makes my butt look big, imagine if YOU were to try to wear it." or "Hey, yanno, maybe you're right but at least it's just the style of clothing and not the actual bootie that's the problem. That has to suck, huh?" Good thing I'm not a counselor!!! I am thankful though that I don't have friends or family around like this. I do have a friend who would be exactly like this but she isn't in my life right now and I can only imagine some of the things she would say if she were around. I'm sure my frustration would show up and I'd call her on it in one way shape or form. And in not so nice a way. Of course, this is a friend that I wouldn't speak to for a couple years because of her behavior. Maybe that is something you need to consider. Frankly telling your sister that these comments are not nice and not something you welcome in your life right now, and until she can see her way to lose the crap, that you don't want to spend time around her. Harsh maybe, but solves the problem in one way or another. Either you don't see her for awhile and don't put up with her crap, or she realizes the error of her way and cuts the crap out herself. Dina