not even lurking

for the longest time i lurked even tho i didn't post- i STILL owe you all my thoughts about my two year anniversary-better yet- i owe them to myself! but-and lately i haven't even had time to lurk--- work has been nutso lately and trying to get ready to take a trip which we did- before the trip i actually almost walked off the job-i was so po'd that i didn't care- i was ready to register with a temp agency -or go back to a hotel to clean tubs and toilets....i was that disgusted-things have settled somewhat and i am trying to just do my job and deal with it while i get paid....my company is growing -too quickly-and my dept has not grown at all to keep up-actually the turnover in our dept is the company joke- one a month basically--and the workload keeps growing!OT has been an issue- i take it when i can get it but have to grovel to justify it! and i felt like the kid in the principal's office for awhile- we drove 1300 miles in 23 hours to texas -i finally met my dh's kids and grands- and then we drove home-did stay a night in a motel on the way home- anyhow- back to the work grindstone-- 10 year old twin granddaughters were really a handful- so much energy but so wonderful! michael has a hip replacement scheduled for june 20 then his hernia is still bothering him and his right shoulder needs to be redone-he has not returned to work since his march 6th fall off a truck- and no one has bothered to call and ask how he is...after he gets this hip replacement done i am thinking retirement party? anyhow- we are plugging away here in ohio--we have decided to put the house on the market and move to hawaii-he had wanted to amass money-well- we'll be dead and gone by then! so i decided -for us! to simply do it--he has been working hard to get things done around here to make it more saleable-i need to do some serious cleaning--and then we pray! we haven't really done anything in the yard again this year which bothers me- but i hate to spend money if we won't be here-things are in better straits than when he got sick last year tho-around the house at least! all of this has of course been easier due to my wls but--i am sitting where i was last summer after his hospitalizations- i am still that 30 pounds over that i had gained back--i need to get my head wrapped in the right direction--and i am seriously thinking of going back to square one with liquids and go thru the paces- so much of my weight went right back on in my belly and midriff-and i am not comfy--more than before surgery but--i have found that going back to gum chewing helps the munchy monster some days but then i am gassy for two days-bloated! i used to journal things and so many days i would even copy my emails to put in my journal if i were too lazy or busy to write-lately i haven't even had time to compose a thought let alone a grocery list--i am needing me time--that is seriously lacking--i am hoping to get some back soon! anyhow- keep on truckin marchers! so--that is what's new with me-

Margo!!!! I've been wondering where you were and hoping that all was well with you. Poor Michael has really been through the wringer this last year or so. Yeesh! I'm so envious of your move to Hawaii. That sounds so exciting. Would you have considered it when you were at your highest weight? Hawaii is the only one of the 50 states that I haven't been to so I want to get there one of these days. One of my life goals is to hit all 7 continents and all 50 states. I crossed off Africa and Europe last December so it's about time I finished up the United States. I think Judy Boone is in a back to basics program and has lost at least 13 pounds. She seems to be doing really well. I need to do the same thing. I haven't gained or lost anything, but I'd still like to drop a few more. Stay in touch and let us know how it's going more often. Hugs, Connie

about hawaii- michael lived there before-3 diff times- and so it has been his goal to go back and i signed up for that goal when we met and then married- his version is that we amass quantities of money so that we can go and buy etc- well- it ain't happening that way with his health issues etc- sooooooooooo i pulled on my big girl panties and decided to make it happen!!! if i don't get proactive things do not happen sooo! would i have considered it prior to wls? yes- would it have been enjoyable? probly not..... we had a major discussion yesterday that he feels my goal of putting the house on the market by september is unrealistic- well- it gives me something to shoot for-"someday" isn't getting it......if the goal gets amended-so be it! once we get there- you certainly have a place to visit-all of you! of course, you are on your own to get there! i'll put ya up and feed ya and tour guide ya but i won't fly ya there! as for my weight-i am more comfy than before surgery but i KNOW that i can get back down there-just have to motivate self to doing it--and some days survival has been the only thing attained....i really need to start spending more time on me- i think i have said that before- so easy to say but not to do! hugs back!

Margo, so good to get your update. And I relate to so much of what you're saying. For me, it comes down to being obligated to devote so much time -- the most precious commodity these days -- to things that just don't matter -- like working only to get a paycheck, rather than being engaged in an occupation or career that really sets you on fire, fuels your passions. So much of our lives are spent working just to pay the bills, and sleeping! We have achieved this miracle in our lives of being able to LIVE! So I resent having to give so much of myself to a job just so that I can pay the bills when I'd rather be writing the book that's screaming in my head, or alleviating the high cost of human lives, especially the children, who are dying from AIDS all over the world. And then there's the mundane, everyday stuff that has to be done, all the time, the work is unrelenting, both at the office and in the home. I just feel plain burned out most of the time and I sometimes think I can't get up -- like the time I fell at 375 lbs. But get up we do, my friend, because that's the stuff we Marchers are made of. I'm there in Hawaii...in a heartbeat! And I'll flap my own wings to get there and meet you! Here's to Kalua on the beach at sunset. My best thoughts to you and Michael...hang in there, swettie. Love, Reenie