Still here...

Hello my second family, I just wanted to drop a note to let you all know I'm still here. I have been MIA lately and finally had some extra time to check in. Things have been changing in my world lately. Some of you already know that I took on a 50 hour a week job a few months ago and my hours have changed to 2pm to midnight. That took a little time to get used to, but I think I am finally getting a handle on it. The challenge is not sleeping all day so the only thing in my life is work that kinda sucks. It's hard though because it's usually 1:30 to 2pm by the time I am getting to bed. Food has become a bit of an issue with the change in work times. Some days all I get in is 600 calories others it's closer to 1600 calories. Needless to say I've gained some of the weight back about 10lbs and going from a 32hour job to a 50 hour job I just don't have the energy to excersise. And as my husband always tells me "energy begets engery" I just need to suck it up and start working out again. The other big change for both my husband and I is we let a friend and her 10month old move in (for free) to get on their feet. She is in the process of leaving the baby's dad as he is having serious issues with alcohol. Goldie (our friend) is 26 and struggling with some of her own issues as well as trying to get Sofia's (the baby) dad to get that it is over. He still takes Sofia 3-4 days a week and is a good dad when she is with him but the days that she is not he spends drunk. So Steve and I are trying to get used to having a baby in the house (we have no childeren) we love Sofia and she is a very sweet very good baby so that has been the easy part. Getting Goldie to start dealing with some of her own problems is more the issue. She herself has a little bit of an alcohol issue and some times Goldie will ask Steve or I to watch Sofia (after she has gone to bed) becasue she needs to go out and says that she will only be gone for a few hours but then does not come home until morning. She has been with us for about a month and has only done this about 3 times and I have spoken to her to let her know that this is not ok behavior but on the other hand I feel bad because I don't want to make her feel that I am trying to be her mother (even if that is how I sometimes feel). I do understand what she is dealing with right now and on top of all the other stuff she lost her job a week ago. The place she was working shut their doors and only gave the staff a 3-day notice. Now she is looking for a job on top of everything else. On a positive note she is in the process of getting back into school. She went to a very good school in California for hair and makeup for movies. She interned on the Lord of the Rings, and has worked on several music videos etc, she has a passion for it and is very good. That was before she met this guy moved to Colorado and had a baby. In the mean time she has let her licence expire in California and to get it renewed and have one in Colorado she had to do 80 hours in school. So that is what she is working towards so Steve and I are not total goobers for letting her move in rent free while she gets it together. At least I don't think so....... Anyways that is what I have been up to lately. It's good to get back on the site and see how well everyone else is doing, and to check in. Love ya, Leslie

Leslie, take care of yourself first. As you probably know by now, I am not one to keep my mouth shut even when I should. I am happy your friend is trying to go back to school but the effort is not sincere if she is not getting help for her obvious alcoholism. You and Steve may, in fact, be enabling her behavior by taking care of her baby while she is out all night long, and by providing her a rent-free situation. There is no incentive for her to do differently. People whose harmful, self-destructive behaviors are supported by other people taking care of them -- and their children -- don't stand a chance to get healthy. You are under a lot of stress. Your husband must be as well. Sophia deserves a shot at life with a healthy, whole mother -- and father -- even if they are no longer together. You and Steve need to take a hard look at this. It sounds as if Goldie knows on some level that you both will pick up her pieces and so she continues doing what she's doing. There's no reason not to. I wish you nothing but the best in this difficult, painful situation. You -- your husband -- and that baby -- must come first. God bless, Maureen

Hi Leslie, It's great to hear from you!! I totally agree with Maureen on this difficult subject. You and Steve are obviously good and caring friends. Sometimes it's difficult to find the line between helping a friend in need and being a crutch for someone who needs to walk on her own. I have had other friends in this position before and there never seems to be a cut-and-dried solution. I hope that you can help Goldie get back on her feet. She's very lucky to have such good friends! Mike

Leslie, You're a wonderful friend. Goldie is really lucky to have you and Steve. Sounds like she has some good skills and will do well if she can pull herself together. Leaving you with the baby 3 times in one month almost amounts to once a week. Maybe she got it out of her system because I can see if it were me instead of you, I'd start to resent it. You're in good company with regaining weight. I think most of us are fighting that demon. Keep us posted on how you're doing and what's going on in your life. We've got to stick together. Hugs, Connie

Leslie, hi, do you remember me? How are you doing? I'm trying to get as many Marchers 2004 folks as possible to post a four-year anniversary update. Listen, those of us still active on the board are all struggling and we need each other to figure out how to keep this weight off! Please post and let us know how you're doing. Hope to hear from you soon. Maureen