Where the heck are you guys?????

Hi Wendy...... I really feel for you......It seems like you are having all of the same issues as everyone else and then a truckload of other problems dumped on top of that!! I'm struggling with a lot of different problems of my own....some of which I have mentioned in my reply below to Connie; so I'm not sure that I can give you any answers to your problems. I would, however like to make a couple of observations if I may. First of all....don't ever feel that you are bringing us down by airing your troubles here. That's what we are here for...... to support one another!! Now for the observation.....It looks to me like you are unhappy with the way life is going these days and responding by punishing yourself ( the cookies, too much coffee, etc.). The new hairdo is a good idea if it helps improve your morale, but doing it because you're pissed off at your boyfriend is kind of self-destructive.....don't you think??!! You are not going to be able to get back on track if you don't learn to like yourself. I like and respect you, and I know that there are many others here and among your family and friends that like and respect you, so don't you think that it's time for YOU to like and respect you??!! You took the major step of having this surgery....now it's time to take the next step and learn to appreciate WENDY!!! OK...end of speech.....Just start by having a good day today and let it carry over into tomorrow etc. Mike

Mike, I appreciate and respect your response. My guy has been telling me the exact same thing for almost a year now. I don't like myself, I don't think I deserve good things to happen to me. I have been resisting his requests to go and get help - to go to a counselor who can help me gain the coping skills I obviously need. My guy is very "pro therapy" and I've not been a big advocate of it (for no good reason other than the stigma). I take my oldest daughter to counselling to help her deal with all the changes that are going on in her life, but I can't rationalize why I would need to do the same. The other reason I've been resisting my guy's request is because I've always thought he was too close to me to see things rationally. He loves me - we've been best friends for over 22 years. I guess I've been too stubborn for my own good. So - I will make this promise to all my friends and supporters here. I am going to make an appointment to go see a counselor...soon. In fact, I'll call after I type this and leave a message so she can call me Tueday to set something up next week. I do need to learn to like/love myself. I need to understand why I'm sabotaging myself and my relationships. The hair thing - I've been wanting to get it cut for some time. I just didn't because my guy liked me with longer hair. I feel good about my hair - it was liberating to get it cut. It makes me feel "sassy", so I'm loving it! It has boosted my self esteem, which was much needed, so I have no regrets. Also, my motto is - It's hair. It'll grow back. ;o) Mike, thanks for your words of wisdom. I respect all of you here and value your friendship and support. Thanks everyone! Big, big hugs, -W-

O.K. I am here too!! I think Here in my update As you know 5 months ago I was fired from a job for the first time ever. That took a tole on me for sure. Shortly after that, I decided to leave a 7 year realtionship with my alcoholic boyfriend,very one-sided relationship. Since all of that I have a great new job at a credit union which I love & make pretty good money too!, I am now having the best relationship of all with God & myself & wow what a difference in attitude & life in general since. I have not been on anti-depresants in over 2 months. I love living by myself & having no one to answer to accept me & God & that suit me just fine. I am starting to look for another place to move so I can get my dogs back. I miss them more than anything. & they do not understand why MOM can not bring them home. I will rectify that soon. Life is good. I still fight some weight gain, but, I have lost half of that & plan to lose the rest. I made an appt to see my WLS doc for my overdue 2 year appt. & also need to have my kidneys checked out. I think I may have a problem there as well. Dinka, I just noticed you new picture & WOW what a change. You look wonderful. I should post a New one, but don't have a scanner to do that. I got a new coputer, but not a new printer. so will have to wait to do that. Marilyn, the Bearlady

You go girl! What an example you are! You have had more than your share of problems, but are making a life for yourself! Thanks for posting! Joy

Reenie here, sheepishly and shamefully reporting in. A couple of things -- Connie, the swelling you're enduring is uncommon so late after your reconstructive surgery, as far as I know. Please keep very close tabs on this and I urge you to request that your PCP do a full panel blood workup -- just to be sure all is well. I know what you mean about constantly being around food; some days it's easy to deal with, most others its impossible. My mantra -- Learn to Live With Food. This is the philosophy I am trying to embrace every day. Dina darlin' -- you are DROP DEAD GORGEOUS. What a wonderful photograph of your beautiful self with that mega-watt, mischevious smile of yours. You radiate health and happiness -- how are things on the home front? Can you share? Joy, how are you and Dan doing after losing his dad? I've been thinking about you and so hoping you're both doing well. Wendy, Wendy, Wendy. It's time for some tough talk here. You must get a grip. Screw the weight gain, take your focus off of the pounds and concentrate instead on LEARNING and IMPLEMENTING new coping behaviors. You must get some help. If your soon-to-be-ex isn't stepping up financially, get a lawyer pro bono. In terms of the kids, Joy came up with some very good ideas but no one can act on them but you. If you can learn different ways to manage the very real stress in your life, the food issues will diminish drastically. But if you focus on the food issues without doing the very hard work of changing the way you think and behave in the face of adversity, you will continue to seek out ways that provide you with a little bit of mental, emotional relief -- and for many of us, that path leads to compulsive, dangerous overeating. You know all this, you're a smart woman. In all of your posts you reference your children so I know that they are your world, your heartbeat. Think of yourself as a child who needs every bit as much love, guidance and support as your own children need from you. You CANNOT nurture others until you are able to nurture and care for yourself. Change of behavior (including overeating) is only a thought -- one single different choice -- away. Look inside yourself, not externally, for the reasons, take ownership of what you can change, and walk a new path. It will be the most difficult work you will ever do, and the most rewarding. We're here for you. Marilyn, you're my hero. I've missed you guys. Love, Reenie

Thanks Reenie & Joy my only wish is that I felt like the hero you guys put me at. I fight everyday those same food issues some days I don't win the battle either. Life happens & the truth is we still & always will most likely turn to food to help console our problems. It is all in those choices again as to what food we use to do that. Thanks for the encouragement thou. It does help the everyday battle. Marilyn, the Bearlady

Thanks for your concern, Mareen. We are slowly re-engaging in life, so I guess we are working through it. We have to video a wedding tonight--not my choice of activities in my present mood, but it will be good for both of us. I made the decision to push ourselves to spend Sunday night in Hot Springs, AR, a resort community about 90 miles from here. We are taking daughter and grandson to an amusement park there. Again, I don't have the mental energy to really be excited about it ahead of time, but know that we will enjoy the time and know that positive ex[eroemces with loved ones are precious and need to be cultivated. As always, your thoughts and observations are wise and apply to all of us, not just those to whom they were addressed. I so enjoy and appreciate your posts! I wish that I could make life easier for all of us, but it is not the nature of life to be easy. I sense that it is in our struggles that we gain strength. I have become addicted to the eagle cam I posted. I am seeing so many life lessons in the struggles of these magnificent babies against weather, hunger. They face even greater challenges in the future, and although my choice would be to protect them more at this stage, I can see God's wisdom in letting them learn to struggle through to prepare for tomorrow. The parents give them what they need, but not always what they want. (The little one is very vocal about his complaints!) The stumble around a lot, but once in a while one of them stands and flaps its wings, and you see a glimpse of the majestic creature that it is destined to be. We are so like these babies. I sure hope one day I can mature into the majestic adult, but I'm not there yet! Joy

Reenie, You and Joy have really given me a lot to think about. Joy - the coop thing is a great idea, but quite frankly, I can't stand being around my own kids sometimes, let alone my neighbors kids. But I do need to lean on my family and friends a bit more. Pride is a tough pill to swallow, but I need to just do it. Reenie, you are right - I'm only a choice away from changing my behavior. Maybe I've been afraid to take ownership because I'd have to take actual responsiblity to change my path, and I'm scared to death to find out what is waiting for me there. I keep wondering if I'm not sabotaging my own happiness. The guy that I'm "seeing" keeps encouraging me to go talk to someone about all of my issues w/ the divorce, the finances, the job, the weight. I've been resisting, but really for no other reason that to just be stubborn. I'm come from "pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on" mentality. I'm not good at asking for or accepting help of any kind. I've seen it as a weakness. But then I look at how screwed up I am these days and wonder why I think I can do all of this on my own. I need to set a good example for my girls. They need to see me coping successfully, not through food or self-abusing acts. You are so right when you say that I can't nuture others if I can't nuture and care for myself. You can't give what you don't have. Tomorrow is a new day and I will do my damndest to get myself together, chart out a plan for taking care of my needs - mentally and emotionally speaking. You guys are the best. I'm so glad I can come here and rant, ***** moan and complain and you still come back for more. I'll keep you posted. Things will get better....I really believe that! Hugs to all -W-

Asking for and accepting help from people that care is ultimately an act of independence. It takes a lot of self-assurance to lean on others, realizing that it is sometimes your pleasure to give assistance and support, and sometimes your need to accept it. You will get through this time and look back to it as a turning point. I chuckled at your objections to the coop idea. I remember well times when I could barely stand being cooped up with my own kids. Sometimes it helped to keep someone else's for a few hours to appreciate my own! At least I could give the others back!! Whatever direction you take, I encourage you to take care of yourself--both physically and emotionally. Remember what they say on the airplanes...."Should an emergency occur, FIRST SECURE YOUR OWN MASK, then assist your children." Good basic life advice for obvious reasons! Joy

Hey sweetheart! Good to see you around. I always wonder how you are doing when I peek in here, but I can't ride your butt when mine is absent much of the time as well! As for me, I'll try to update things in another post. I have something to "reveal" so to speak. Dina