I Need Help or Maybe I just Need to Vent

I really do remember where I've come from, but I'm having an issue with someone who works for me. This gal is probably in the 400 pound arena and has all the health issues that accompany being super MO. She always misses at least one day of work a week due to weight related health issues. She falls asleep in meetings and has continual gastric issues. I finally talked her into getting a sleep study and not surprisingly, she has sleep apnea. Now she won't use the CPAP machine. I've been worried about her for a long time as a friend and now I'm frustrated with her as a manager. There are some opportunities for advancement coming up in the future, but I can't seriously consider her because of her attendance issues. I've talked very candidly with her and laid all my cards on the table, but things are the same. She joined Curves and never went, eats whatever and whenever and her asthma gets worse and worse. I'm so worried about her and feel helpless. I think there is some depression going on because she often doesn't get out of bed all day. I don't want to sound holier than thou because I really, really understand the pain and isolation of obesity. I'm just frustrated because I see no attempts on her part to save her own life. I'm very afraid that I'm going to lose a friend as well as an employee. Any ideas or is this just one of those times that I'm going to have to sit back and let life happen? Connie

you are a good person. i think back on how hard it must have been for my kids especailly my daughter to see me on my old path. she tried and tried to get me to do what she thought was best to lose the weight. in the end i did lose it but i did it my way. she sure didn't like my way! but the end results were what she is happy with. i feel for your friend and co-worker and for you.

Connie, Its often hard to tell whether your message is getting through. At least you care enough to try. She may be hearing you, but is just not at the point to act on it yet. Unfortunately, you cannot fix this for her. You can help by walking along side her, but she must take the steps herself. Just keep shining a light on the path, and don't enable her by making excuses for her. I really want to fix things for people around me, but more and more I am learning that I can only fix things for myself (sometimes) and never fix them for anyone else, no matter how much I want to. I'm sure your care for her is having more influence than you are seeing. Joy