When/If to tell family

I'm having the RNY on Wednesday, February 18th and I'm struggling with when/if to tell my family about it.  My parents and sister know, my mom told my aunt, and my husband told his mother only because we need her to watch the kids so both he and my mother can be at the hospital with me.  If I didn't need her for the kids I would not have told her.  So the whole entire rest of his family doesn't know (unless my MIL told) and a couple of my aunts/uncles and my grandma.

I don't want to tell the rest of the family for several reasons.   1) I don't want any negative comments - both of our families have their fair share of people who tell it like it is and 2) I don't want to make a big deal about it.  The last thing I want to do is go over for a visit and hvae it turn into a session of 20 questions.  3) I don't want  a bunch of people to be  about me.

But then sometimes I feel I'm making more of a deal of it by not telling people.  I just don't know. 

Is there a good or bad time to tell?? 

If questions are asked that is when you can consider on answering them. Do it on your own discression.But don't go out of your way to inform individuals even though they are family if they are not in the direct picture of helping you heal. I understand how you feel I got a lot of different responses and I only told my parents my sis and bro and three friends who have been by my side through this whole situation. One gave me rides back and forth.One stayed with my kids when I was in the hospital and the other emotional support.As far as my parents they were skeptical and still are to a point but I have had my surgery. My sister great support she has lapband in 2008 she is a great source of info for me and as far as my brother he is so busy he has no time just wished me a lot of success on my journey.So in all of this do what makes you feel right inside and don't ever allow anyone to make that decision for you.
Best Wishes and Blessings
Cathy

I have not told everyone in the family.  Just immediate family.  I am sure it will be obvious eventually, and then I will discuss it with them.

I didn't tell my entire family either and my surgery is on Tuesday. I don't want comments (negative or positive) to affect my decision about the surgery. I have the support of the people I care the most about and that's all I need.

I am having RNY on 2/25/09. We told our children (who are very young) that I have a tummy problem and that the doctors are going to fix me so I can be healthier. We told my Mother in Law because she is going to help with the kids. And I told a few friends at work as I plan to be out of work for 3-4 weeks. I also wanted to keep things quiet; I dont really care for drama. 

 I was shocked that a few ladies at church knew what I was going to do hasve WLS... my MIL told them. I was sooo mad. When I vented to my husband we said "well we didnt tell her to not tell anyone". OMG I could have killed him. Later I found out she told her entire family that I was doing this. My sister in law is very judgemental and I got the 5th degree for "butchering" myself... She has never dealt with weight issues. I still havent talked to my MIL about how this has made me feel...I am sure you can understand balancing the delicate MIL relationship. 

I have not told my family, who lives across the country. I have only seen one sister in the last five years and I havent decided when to tell her... maybe during her next visit when she sees the actual results of the surgery. My family will  not be very supportive of me and I do not want to deal with the drama... I want to focus on healing and winning this battle.

Mostly, you have to do whats right for you.

Good Luck!!

~~SARA
~m

I haven't thought of a good way to explain to my kids what is going on - I like your idea!  I did tell them I would be in the hospital for a few days because the doctor needs to make me better but that's about it.  They are 5 and 6 so I feel I need to tell them something  but not too specifically that they innocently repeat it to others.

I asked my husband if he told his mom that we were keeping the surgery "under wraps", so to speak, and he said NO.  I could have choked him!  They live 20 miles from us and attend a different church so it would just be their side of the family that knew.  I just know his mother can be very insensitive sometimes and I could see her not understanding why I would not want people to know.  I'm not sure, though, how to ask her to keep it to herself. I e-mailed her but she hasn't read it yet.  OH WELL.  At last my side of the family won't know!

My SIL is very judgmental and they are not afraid to say what they think.  They're all the time on my FIL about his weight - saying he's digging himself an early grave, telling him he's lazy when he doesn't want to walk long distances etc.  I'm not one for confrontation but I may have to stand up for myself this time if something is said.  I've put up with them for 9 years without blowing up so they better be careful or I'm likely to let all of that frustration come out!

I have told a few people at Church for support/prayers but I have faith that they'll keep it confidential. 

Good luck with your surgery and thank you so much for the advice!

Kristina

I am keeping it on the down low.  I have told 3 friends (one by mistake, I dont really feel like I could trust her, I was just needing to talk).  My husband.  I told my mom the day before surgery but didnt say what until after.  I also told my brother after.  Everyone I have told I swore to keep my seceret.  It just isnt ANYONE's business to talk about but mine.  I get to choose who knows and when, even if I chose to tell everyone or no one.  Anyways, thats how i feel about it.

My kiddies are 10 and 5... My son (10) asked what was wrong with my tummy. He knows I have GERD (heartburn) and asked if that was what they were going to fix. I told him yes and a few other things too. I told him that not only would I feel better but that the doctors told me I would loose weight because I would start feeling better. He asked if the doctors were gonna fix me knees too... the things our kids know... it shocks me sometimes. I told him no that they cannot fix my knees yet; but if I loose enough weight than I shouldn't hurt as much. He completely understood and asked if there was anything he could do to help... I said YES!!! you can make sure we go take a walk everyday when I get home from the hospital.

The rascal said ok... but you cant make any excuses...

Gotta love them kids!

Well I talked with my kids again today about me being in the hospital and that they need to be super good for their dad and Grandma while I'm gone etc.  I told them that the doctor is going to poke some holes in my tummy to fix it.  They seemed OK with it then about an hour later while we were watching a movie my son (who is 6) asked me how the holes would get fixed.  I told him that they would just be slits in my skin just like my c-section scar and that they would heal on their own.  I just thought it was so cute that he was thinking through and trying to figure out what would happen to me and I can only imagine what was going through his  head as to what I'd look like when I got home!