Offically had breakdown!!

Ok so I am 6 days post op, and I have actually--besides from pain--been handling this fairly well.  Until today.  I was sitting at my parents house, feeling great! Suddenly I felt a pain in my left side....i said "OUCH".... my dad looked at me and in an asshole tone said..."well, you did this to yourself"

 

I lost it!  I went off on him, "I realize I made a choice to better my life and live for way longer than expected when I was eating myself into a early grave.  I would assume that you being my father would want me to live longer, and be happy.  Dont you get that I know I chose to do this to myself, and its really hard for me right now mourning the loss of food, and watching all of you stuff your faces with the food that I once and still love!!  Its really hard for me and I dont ask you to not eat in front of me, all I ask is that you be considerate and not try to force feed me something I cant have."

 

He said he was entitled to remind me that I did this to myself and they werent going to pitty me because I was sore.

 

I reminded him that my surgery MAJOR SURGERY was 6 days ago and considering I am not taking any pain meds currently i think im doing a wonderful job coping with myself. and that HE DIDNT HAVE TO OPEN HIS MOUTH, I didnt ask for his opinion.  He didnt have to say anything.  He could have just been quite. kept his opinion to himself and not made an ass of himself and really hurt my feelings.

 

Of course I started to boo hoo, telling him that I was having a hard time with watching everyone eat, and I know i did this to myself and I didnt expect anyone to change around me etc.  I think I hurt myself more as i was gasping for breath in between tears.....

 

Thanks for letting me rant.

I'm sorry honey. I know you were getting some grief from some folks online here too and that is really what you need when you are 5 or 6 days out!! (Since you can't see my tone or smiles--that was sarcasm ). Some people are so damn selfi**** makes me sick.

Anyway, my dad always used to say, "Tuck it away" when someone would hurt me. He meant don't hang onto it, but tuck it away in my mind so that hopefully this person would not be able to hurt me again in the same way. It sucks that it is your dad. I know we as their kids think that they should be our safe place and when they disappoint us so badly it hurts--especially when your stomach is cramping from too much gas while crying!! I'm not sure what he is trying to get at--maybe it is his way of reminding you that you did this to yourself so you better be damn good and sure that you use this tool for everything it is worth!

Of course I just went off on my husband today and screamed at him and cried and cussed at him, WHILE HE WAS ON THE PHONE WITH HIS DAD! Nice. But then as I was feeling like the psycho I thought, "Don't bring it and I won't have to bring it back sucker." I wasn't just screaming for sport--he hurt me and treated me unkindly and I was not having it.

Well, let's try to get through this flood of emotions together. Try your best to "tuck away" anything your dad says. Clearly you aren't going to change his mind, so as I always say, don't give them any ammo. Since it sounds like he is unwilling to bend, don't let him know he hurt you next time if he says something again. Hard I know, but this too shall pass.

Hang in there!

Denise

Interesting - I also hit a rough emotional patch yesterday.  Just sick to death of that nasty Isopure and trying to get all the protein in - had the classic "what have I done" moment.

Sounds like this all just part of the process.

Steph

I was a little sad feeling this morning. And although I'm getting in all my protein and water, I am having a new phenomenon wondering how and why I am able to and although I know logically everything is probably okay, I wonder might something be wrong. Damned if you do and damned if you don't I guess!

Hang in there.

Denise

Denise,

 

You really are a sweetheart!  Thanks for the words of wisdom!!  I really appreciate it! As for the other board....I will not go to it anymore, those ladies can keep their opinions too for all I care....Everyone that has ever seen any post i have done knows I am not a mean person and for someone to say I am on crack....thats rude.

 

Once again, your a sweetheart!

So sorry you had to go through this especially with your father. We always sit here and turn to our parents in time of need and expect the greatest support from them. But in reality at times they are not there backing us up. I have had so many disconnects with my family over issues that I just merely walk away and ignore them and I don't give them the satisfaction of getting emotional cause then they know they got under my skin. example my dad use to walk next to me and call me a wide load and tell me I was standing in front and he couldn't see anything.Pissed me off was ready to cry but I looked at him and said dad your not small yourself so why you want to pick on me.Basically call him out on what he says have a good response back and be confident in anything you have to say. It's not being sarcastic not being disrespectful just being open and honest. We are now on a emotional roller coaster after we had our surgeries.let each day be a learning experience and get stronger as time goes on.We the OH family are here for you.Never hesitate to email and say hey I need to vent I will be here for you if you need that shoulder.
<<

fluffyncute!  thanks so much i really appreciate everything!!

You're in the right place to vent! I'm sorry your dad was such an ass!!! Some people have no idea how much they hurt others, especially parents when they don't think before they speak!

i dont know stephanie, but they do....he called this morning and apologized...im still not over it, but ill deal with it.  thanks for understanding.

Well, I'm really glad to hear that he apologized for it! While it doesn't erase the hurt, it is at least a start! My dad's the same way.... he's hurtful and I don't think he realizes the effect he has on people with the words he chooses!