Feeling Resentful toward family?

Hi everybody! I don't know if you all remember posting about not telling everyone about my surgery? So at first I didnt' tell ALL my family. Just my parents, bros & sis, and my dad told my grandparents. My grandmother told my aunts, who I didn't want to tell about my surgery. The reason why I didn't want to tell them is because they have always been critical about my weight. Everytime I'd visit the first thing out of their mouths was how much weight I had gained...or whatever. I hated that, I'd always have to fight back tears until one day I had enough and just cried my eyes out. So, now they all know about my surgery. A couple of my aunts have tried calling me but I have been avoiding their calls. I did talk to one (the nicer one of all) on my birthday. Then another aunt emailed me with a birthday wish and asked how I was. Now, out of the blue, they are trying to get in touch with me but I'm thinking the only reason why is because they're curious to know how much weight I've lost and ask a million and one questions. I have a feeling that the first opportunity they get to come out here to visit they are all going to come (I have 4 aunts) just to see how I look. I know it. It makes me feel like I'm a freak show or something. Maybe I'm feeling resentful? Is it wrong of me to feel this way? Any input is appreciated. Thanks for letting me vent. Elisa

Totally honestly... You have lost some amazing weight and from what I have seen in your pictures they will be able to see the improvements ! The one thing that you should do is make sure that when they are around have someone with you who has been part of your support team. When I just saw my future in-laws this week (who I hadn't seen since before my surgery) my fiancee was able to answer all the tedious questions while I was able to talk about life in general. They were wonderful, commenting on how great I looked and how happy they were for me. Then I just started talking about anything except the surgery and weightloss. Rich filled them all in about everything else related to the surgery. This is one of those times when you get to shine in the sucess of your weightloss. Do it !! Enjoy the positive attention !

Thank you Terri, that's a great I should make sure I have my hubby, or mom around just in case. I really don't want to deal with answering questions...but I don't want to be rude to them either. I guess I should do what you say, enjoy the positive attention. Elisa

elisa, OMG do i understand. I have heard your so pretty if you just loose the weight your look great, or you have suck a pretty face...UGH like the rest if me is a train wreak???? Lets look at this like this. You did this for you not anyone else. And you will succed and when you do you can say HA look at me know im healthy and happy. I am a firm believer that FEELINGS are NOT wrong.. its only wrong to allow them to control you. Stand up be proud youhad the surgery and you are doing great and Tell them how great your doing dont talk about the bad stuff ( we can talk about that here) tell them how happy you are and glow. You are such an amazing woman from what i have seen on this site. Dont let this disscourage you. BE STRONG! head up lil camper J

Thanks Julie!! You guys sure do know how to make me feel good. I like what you are saying...I'd like to show off my success to them and say HA! thought I couldn't do it. I guess in a way, I maybe afraid they won't see a difference and say something like...you don't look any different. That would really make me feel bad . Thanks again Julie I will stay strong. Elisa

Elisa, let me congratulate you first of all for having this surgery and wanting to be healthy! I'm so sorry your family has done this to you. I know my mom has told my aunts and whoever else and they are probably just waiting to see me too. But they know of my lifelong battle with weight and how unhealthy I became. So fortunately they are all very supportive. One thing you might do just for yourself to get those feelings to the surface so you can feel better emotionally about this is to sit down and write each aunt a letter. Now you don't have to ever send them, just write what comes to mind and get those frustrations and stuff out of your system. I did this through some couselling with my parents and believe me it's a big help. So after you do this,,tear them up shred them destroy them or whatever...nobody ever has to see them. The emotional healing that comes from this is amazing. When you do face them or meet with them, just stand up proudly and let them know how healthy you have become...don't give them any numbers. People want to judge us by how much weight we lose. That's not the point. It's how healthy we have become. Of course to us it's a very big deal but it's really none of their business. My boss keeps asking me how many pounds now...she's really getting jealous because she has her own weight issues. Anyway, I hope this will help you. Have a great day!

Thank you so much for your reply. I think that's a great idea, I should write them a letter to get all these feelings out of my system. You are so right, I shouldn't mention any numbers...I didn't think of that. I should just talk about how good I am feeling and that's it. I went into surgery a "healthy" MO person (I guess if you could call it that)...well what I mean is that I didn't really have anything wrong except that I was more than 100+lbs over my ideal weight but of course had I not done anything about my weight my health would of surely declined. Anyway, I am so happy that I went through wls no matter what anybody thinks. Thank you again for your advice and kind words. Elisa

I'm so glad to be able to pass on some words of wisdom? Ugh...think I'm getting old with words of wisdom...Have a great day Elisa. I love your name. It is very beautiful. I wasn't able to have kids but one name I wanted to use was Elise. My mom's name is Elsie and I wanted to use her name somehow in my kids' names. Well off to work...have a great day. Lori

Hi Elisa, No need to feel resentful! I totally understand how you're feeling. I never told my brothers, sisters, grandmother or any of my extended family. I didn't even tell my dad. I kind of wish I would've told him but I didn't want him to worry or to tell the rest of my family so I didn't say a word. My mom and my daughters are the only ones who know in my family about my surgery. I didn't even tell people at work but they found out when I put in for my sick time. They asked what was wrong with me, because I rarely use sick time so I told them. But if I was you I wouldn't answer their calls or see them when they came into town. And if you happen to run into them at a family function, avoid the whole surgery/weightloss thing, change the subject. Just smile and say thank you when they comment about how beautiful you look! I know their family but they don't deserve to hear about your success after all the heartache they caused. And don't feel bad about it because this is your time to shine! Sylvia

Sylvia, thanks so much for your thoughts on this. I wish they hadn't found out but they did. It's so frustrating that nothing in this family can be kept a secret. How were you able to pull not telling anyone off? Your mom and daughters are really good about keeping secrets . So when you do see your dad and the rest of your family what are you going to tell them? Thanks again Sylvia and I hope you have a nice Monday . Elisa