Florida if....

1. You must first learn to pronounce the name, it is: "FLAAAAARIDA". 2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 AM to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On I-95 your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is grounds to run you off the road while giving you the finger. 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Florida has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, SUV cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. 6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot. 7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Florida. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting. 10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated." 11. Merge means race like a madman and cut the person in line off or better yet ... run them off the road. 12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands. YOU MIGHT BE A FLORIDIAN IF: "Down South" means Key West "Panhandling" means going to Pensacola. You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive. Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church. No, wait, flip flops are good for church too Socks are only for bowling Orange juice from concentrate makes you vomit Tap water makes you vomit. Sweet tea can be served at any meal. (Amen) An alligator once walked through your neighborhood. You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip to Florida . You measure distance in minutes. You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt. You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls. You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes All the local festivals are named after a fruit. A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level. A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade. Your winter coat is made of denim You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65 You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and Christmas. It's not "pop." It's "coke." (another Amen) Anything under 70 degrees is chilly. You've hosted a hurricane party. You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides. You pass on the right and honk at the elderly. You understand the futility of exterminating ****roaches. You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee, Okahumpka and Loxahatchee. You know where Opa-Locka Airport is. You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than have a boat yourself. You've driven through Yeehaw Junction. Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include various fish,the NRA and a confederate flag. You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools. You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim. You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas. You know what the "stingray shuffle" is and why it's important! You could swim before you could read You have to drive north to get to The South New ifs... You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for. You dread lovebug season. You are on a first name basis with the hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances , Ivan and Jeanne. You know what snowbirds are and you hate them.!!!!!!! You know why flamingos are pink.!!!!!!!! You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.!!!!!!!! You were twelve before you ever saw snow or you still haven't. Gosh

That was cute...