Yuck...a big gain...

Hi all! I LOVED seeing your before and after pic's guys...WOW!!!! So..on my doctor's scale I got to an "all time low" of 126 ...pretty thin for 5'5 1/2 gotta have that 1/2..lol. Anyway this morning I was 135, and I even got up to 140...I am still in a size 4 jeans...sooooo that's great. But I am hungry and craving food ALL DAY...I eat and eat...even when not hungry..I know, I know, BAD. I am thinking I need to get back to doing mostly to all protein to get rid of these cravings...back to basics....ya know....

You are make me nutty, Miss Kayla Lee, with the scale thing, what weight on who's scale? Honestly, I think you are obsessing about the number too much and not looking at your big picture. Are your size 4 jeans even TIGHT or is whoitwhats [yours, his, your moms ...] scale being temperamental? *IF* they are tight, could be be retaining water [time of the month, added salt or MSG?]. Have you not been eating well to justify a "big gain"? IF you haven't been eating right, well, YEAH GIRL, get back to basics. Even if you didn't gain, or your jeans weren't tight --- PLEASE DON'T waste the work you've done to get here, and don't go back to the 'diet' mentality that got you where you didn't want to be. Maybe journal out your feelings to pinpoint WHY you are feeling hungry all day? Or just take an extra moment to pay attention to your body and your feelings before you grab for food. And, JMHO, if you ARE hungry, EAT fo goodness sakes. Just make good choices. This is what the rest of our lives are about, it's not a number on the scale, or even a size in jeans, it's about being accountable to ourselves, following thru on the commitment we made to our health by having WLS, and finding BALANCE. Meh, I hope I don't sound to harsh, my friend, but you ARE making me nutty;);) I still love you ... Maybe I'm already NUTTY. FWIW I had a really bad week last week, my eating has been on the downslide and I gained 2lbs that I TOTALLY DESERVED to gain. [I lost inches, though, go figure]. I am 8 [well now 10] pounds away from goal and yet, SO FAR. I felt AWFUL this past weekend - physically and emotionally and I just couldn't imagine HOW I would ever get back on track. I felt like I was a fat girl again and I'd keep turning to food and gaining and blow everything. Part of me DIDN'T WANT to stop eating, I wanted that old comfort that I held on to for so long and made me so sick, I didn't want to change, I didn't want to do the right things. [I want to mention here that I haven't been to therapy in quite a few weeks due to work conflicts, and I really think I missed having that outlet]. ANYWAY, I got my big girl panties on and decided it was time to fish or cut bait. I can 'diet' the rest of my life away, have 'bad' weeks, keep turning to food for comfort, and likely be MISERABLE. OR I can chose to fight the good fight. In it to win it ... Ya know, all those stupid, goofy catch phrases. THIS is the rest of my life, if I don't learn how to deal with MY LIFE without making it about FOOD I've gained nothing but a little time. I want to OWN MY LIFE. So, yeah, I made a list of the things I want to get right about eating, and made a small commitment on Sunday to ONE of them, then on Monday to TWO, and heck, today I feel like a new person [and I don't see the therapist till tomorrow, another GO FIGURE]. I CAN do this, I CAN enjoy my life and enjoy food AND be in control. But like I've said before and will say again, it's not about food, or about the number on the scale, or the size I can wear, it's about how I FEEL and what I deserve. I've decided I deserve to FEEL GOOD. And I'm learning how to make choices across the board to make that happen. You deserve it too. xosm

Thanks for your thoughtful response GG. Growing up in a house full of women that were SO obsessed with dieting and the numbers on the scale has been a part of my life since I can remember. It is nice to be reminded from time to time to pull my head out of my ass and not think so much about those numbers. I probably won't do the monthly weigh-ins anymore. For YEARS I had a scale that was 8-10 pounds under a doctors, and now that I have a "real" scale...it feels silly to participate in a monthly weigh-in. If you look at my profile you'll see I am also trying to work on my brain...which is so difficult. I am proud of you for making a commitment to yourself and to change. "THIS is the rest of my life, if I don't learn how to deal with MY LIFE without making it about FOOD I've gained nothing but a little time." These words are so true. AND the most difficult challenge of all. Thanks again sweetie...you are an awesome girl.

You're welcome, hon. I thinking being in therapy has helped me a lot. Not only with the dealing with the dieting and food issues, but a lot of the other issues I had growing up. I was talking to my mom today and we both realize I am way more 'evolved' than she is at dealing with my marriage and emotions. It makes me feel hopeful, like I actually can CHOSE to live happily ever after. Anyway, I read your profile again the other day, I have just been so super busy to respond sooner. I wish you all the luck in dealing with your own stuff. I believe in you, the first step is to recognize that you have a problem that you want to work on, and the second is to get help, it sounds like you have the strength and fortitude to do both. I think you are pretty darn awesome yourself! xosm