What did you learn in the last yr?

Well it has been a year yesterday. . I am official down. 105 lbs. I was hoping to be below 200 at my surgiversary But I will take it. Only four pds away!!! It has been an interesting experience. I have learned alot and am still learning. I know when they tell you that this is a tool. Not a solution that I said yeah I know, but I dont think I really realized that until the last few months. I have to be careful about what I eat. Some things make me nauseas, some make me consipated, and some just go down right fine. Some days some things go down and other days they wont. I also have discovered you can not live on PROTEIN alone. Just dont work, my sugar drops to low. The mind thing is the most difficult for me right now. I know I am in a sixteen but I cannot see it. They call it Body dysmorphia. Well I wish my mind will catch up. I have learned that I have bones. Yeah, all that cushion is disappearing them bones tend to stick out. I can feel my leg bone from the check of my butt to my knee, that is strange to me. And I can feel my collar bone. And I have knees and ankles. I have also learned that people are treating me different. More people smile and are willing to help. And guys seem to be popping up all over, opening doors, making comments to me and my husband. Yeah and he dont like it. We went through a jeolous thing for awhile but I beleive he is getting over that. Took some couceling on how to deal with him. It helped. And I have learned that I have to make good choices or pay the consequences. The mental thing has been the hardest I want to eat but cant and know I cant. Has the mental thing been hard for you. I have learned that I have to find things to do to keep my mind off of food. I have lived a sedentry life for about 10 yrs. So I have to find things to do. I have my back fixed and my weight is coming off. I have an appointment with DORS to see about going back to work somewhere next week, wish me luck!!! This site has been my godsend though I dont think I could have done as well without it. And some days I am tired and dont want to play this game anymore, but I wouldnt change it for the world. I feel better, mentally and physical, and I hope and prayer it helps my back last longer. What have you learned about yourself in the last year?Hugs

Oh and that I love vegetables, steamed, salad, raw any form.

I think you're doing wonderful! The mind thing is hard for me too. It has really helped me to lay one of new, smaller pair of pants on top of my older, larger pants. I can visually see the difference. Have you tried that? Today I put on a pair of my old pants. The entire new me fit into one leg! The most surprising thing I've learned in the last year is that I LIKE to exercise. I would never have guessed that. I enjoy pushing my body to the limit and then taking it just one step further.

I think i've learned that the grass is not greener on the thin side. I thought that surgery would magically make all of lifes problems go away..and it hasn't. They're still there..although I'm much thinner...so now I'm dealing with these issues. As for the body dysmorphia, it's a huge issue for me. My body has gotten smaller, but the shape is still the same, so when I look in the mirror I know I'm smaller, but I just can't grasp my size. If you asked me to point out someone my size...i'd have no idea what someone my size looked like....i know for a fact that I pick out people that are much bigger then me. I'm 6'1'' 230 lbs, and in my mind I think I'm GIGANTIC...which totally isn't true. I told a friend recently that I'm still HUGE..and he looked at me and told me I was crazy. I'm hoping my mind will eventually catch up to my body...lol. Congratulations on your successful year..and returning to the work force. Scott

Hi Marie, I think you are doing great! I've noticed that with the pounds I've lost since 200, my body feels the difference [my knees and back don't hurt as much]. I hope that will happen with your back, too. These past two months I am losing like mad [for me], so I'd have to say that one of the things I've learned is that this 'tool' still works as well as I work IT. I have been working hard towards making or being very close to my goal when I see the surgeon later this month. I want to have my hernia repaired with TT as soon as possible. I did have an altered body image, I still feel like a big girl. I was [I am actually am wearing one of the sweatshirts today] still wearing my 5x tops and just rolling my big girl stretchy pants at the waist, and it's just recently I can see myself that I look RIDICULOUS in these too big clothes [they are certainly comfy, though!]. Today I went into the basement again to try on my jeans before baby, they are a JUNIORS size 11 and THEY FIT [needless to say they aren't in the basement anymore and I'm wearing them to work Monday]. I am only about 8 pounds from where I was when I wore them last, and my fat apron is way worse, but these pants fit and they are comfortable and I'm just besides myself with that realization. And looking in the mirror, yeah, I actually see that I'm not a 5x anymore, which is seriously so cool. What I learned about food, for me, making better choices WORKS. Eating right makes me FEEL BETTER, physically and mentally. I *can* eat anything I want, and yeah, sometimes [more than enough!] I do just chose to have some junk, but for the first time in my life I can and do feel the difference in the quality of my life when I eat and live healthy, and that makes it a no-brainer for me. I started a new job in January and on my breaks I have some fresh fruit or a cottage cheese double. I do ENJOY it [that's something else I learned since surgery, I enjoy FRUIT], but sometimes I'm stressed out working [I work in a grocery store] and I look around and think I just want a bag of chips or some cookies. But come break time, I still make the better choice [and I still give credit here to the fact that I am still in the honeymoon phase of the surgery and the tool works at helping me make the choice]. Yesterday one of the other employees remarked that I am always eating something 'healthy' and how he admired that. First I thought, WHO ME? But yeah, I DO and I feel good about it. I learned that my husband is happy when I'm happy. I don't know if he SEES the change, this is the man that loved me when we met and I was 250 pounds, and loved me when I lost weight and gained it all back and up to over 300. I don't think he sees size as much as he sees that I'm healthy again, much happier - and it's just easy for us to be happy together. But he did refer to the summer after we met today, and ask me how much I weighed that July 4th, because "your were skinny then." I weighed around 200 pounds if we're thinking of the same day LOLOL. He has no idea what it means when I brag about fitting into my 'Juniors' jeans - but he'll be the first to say 'good for you!' He's said he feels amazed that I lost almost as much as some men weigh. And I tell him about the extra attention I've recently gotten from men [there's a guy at work who moons over me, it's really quite funny] and we can laugh together about it, even better. The extra attention from men is odd, more so because I feel 'old' not because I don't feel beautiful [not in a bad way, just in a 'I can't believe I'm close to the 40 milestone kinda way]. I wish I was 27 with this figure, but then I wouldn't have my hubby and daughter, and they made me what I am today, not the surgery or the weight loss. OK, so what else have I learned? I learned that I have to work for the weight loss [granted, easier, but it doesn't just disappear never to be heard from again] and I DON'T MIND working for it. I learned I have bones and muscles, too. I have ribs, a collar bone, I can feel my abdominal muscle from the outside. I learned that when I move too fast, which I can do now, I'm still clumsy - so, no, gracefulness does not come with WLS I learned that when I run, which I can do now, my fat apron flaps. Gross. But my 4 year old doesn't seem to mind now that I can actually play tag. I learned that I don't think this is the beginning, or the end of anything, it's just my life and yeah, I'm happy to be living it. Thanks for this post, Marie. It made me realize again how lucky I am. xosm

Let's see, what have I learned in the past year? *Food: It has no power over me anymore. I used to be so enslaved to food: When was I going to eat it next? What was I going to have? I could probably snacked all day and all night. (if I was awake, that is!) Now, I eat to live. I eat slower. I still think about what I'm going to eat and when I'm going to eat next, but that's because I plan my meals. Either every morning I plan or every Sunday I plan for the week. How much of a difference THAT makes!! I don't overeat. I just finished eating 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 1 container Dannon Light n Fit, and 1/2 cup fresh peas. Now, that seems like a huge meal, but I measured out 1 cup of peas and when I had eaten 1/2 cup, I felt full and I stopped. Pre-op I would've kept eating. Even if I was full, I would still be shoveling food in. Why? Because it tasted good and I "didn't want to waste it." Now I think, "Are you kidding me? Princess Pouchie is full. STOP EATING!!" Honestly, I don't want anything to sabotage my progress and my new lifestyle, especially myself. *Mind & Self Image: I love the way my body looks. Well, let me clarify: I think it's funny to stand in front of the mirror nude and see how I look jiggly. LOL I look like a waterbed jiggling like I do! I have so much extra skin! My apron gut is massive.....massively deflated! And I don't care how it looks! Who's going to see my skin? I do have difficulty realizing what size I am. I agree with SCott: If I had to point out a person that was the same size as me, I would pick someone bigger than me because I still sometimes see myself as a bigger girl. Not all the time. I started out in a 28/30 and I can wear size 12 or 14, depending on the style of clothing. I used to think that I wanted to be in an 8 or 10, but I am more than happy to be where I am. I love fitting into my mom's pants and "borrowing" clothes from her and some from my sister! *Exercise: So important!! I have started training to run a 5K in May, so I know that exercise is very important. It's essential for a healthy heart. I usually do it 3 to 5 times a week, although I'm always active nowadays. I love to exercise and work out. So, my life is different and I am very greatful for the changes that've taken place in this past year! I'm greatful for this site and for this board, too. The support I've gotten has really helped keep me on track, weight loss-wise and mentally. Thanks for your support, ladies and gents! Jen Halliday

I loved reading all these replies. I'm glad I'm not the only one that is experiencing all of these weird things (finding bones, body dysmorphia, etc.). I'm NORMAL!!

"Finding bones!" LMBO!! I swear, if I'm ever just standing there at work, I find myself touching my collar bone! I swear, it's the craziest thing that I can actually feel my collar bone!! And I saw and felt my shoulder blade the other day! HOW NUTS IS THAT?!?! Jen Halliday

my hip and pelvis bones are what amaze me. I dont ever remember feeling them. And my husband likes that too. I may have to move that skin a little to find my hip bone but it is there. And my rip cage. I cant count them yet but I can find them and my breast bone. amazing.